Musings Of A Human

Mummy talked about me being pregnant today. How the experience would be like and how my body would adjust to it. Is it possible to be happy and keep everyone else happy? Am I limited to doing only one? Do I just pick and leave the other?

With whatever choice I go with, will it be worth it in the end? Or is it all just futile and happiness is a lie we all tell ourselves in order to mentally cope with our various realities? No, happiness is real. I know that because, I feel it when I get something right or something I want, however fleeting it may be. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe that’s why it’s so annoyingly painful. We chase the idea of happiness or the feeling like a drug no matter fleeting it may be.

Does happiness travel universes? Are we the only ones in this universe and are there other universes? Are there other Matilda’s there? Are they happy? Have they being able to breaks the code? Because I can’t seem to do it. Do they even care? Is happiness only valid when it’s collective? Can we all be happy, genuinely happy individually? Is it selfish to want that?

A bunch of questions but, zero answers.

Are there consequences for good actions as there are for bad ones? There should be right? Since for every action there’s a reaction. Why do the “bad actions” get a bad rap?

Am I a bad person, to God and everyone else?

I have and feel happiness, the sadness overwhelms me suddenly. It’s hard trying to figure out everything in my head.

As I lay in bed staring at the world clock on my phone, I can’t help but wonder.

Of all the time ones in the world, I have only three stored; Lagos, Seoul and New York.

The time difference between each cities being so wide, I can’t help but wonder. While I lay down to sleep, someone else is about to wake up. Does he/she struggle to stand up at 7am like me? Or does the lady just closing from work in New York ever wonder about what a million other people at that exact same time? Are we all connected in ways that supersede the normal biological way that we know.

I wonder, if we dream dreams of seeing more of the world while we lay down to sleep? Do we wonder if a million other boys and girls are out there facing some of the issues we face? We’ll probably never get to meet each other but, it’s okay, for we have already met in our mutual thoughts, hopes and dreams.

For what do we have if not our thoughts, hopes and dreams. These are the things that keep us alive whether you’re 12 year old school boy walking home after school and dreaming about the lunch awaiting her at home, or the 26 year old lady thinking of how much she needs to have in order to pay all her bills, or even the 55 year old woman who still dreams of travelling the world and giving her children everything they need.

We’re all connected and related in some way. Some times it’s through situations or just the mere fact that we’re all alive.

So on days when I do think about what my mummy said about my life in a different stage and chapter, I get scared especially because I know this chapter might not align with what she has in mind but, if all the humans before me can do it, then so can I.