Llion the Brave Version 2
A Story Every Day in 2024 June 22nd 174/366
Her screams diminished as Llion was dragged away from the cell. The stench in the corridor was less but there was still damp, decay, defecation, death. His feet dragged, like a raggedy puppet, the guard either side of him holding him fast. He could feel their individual fingers digging into his scant flesh, leaving their impression on his bones.
Anwen's shrieks continued.
"Don't leave me! Don't leave me!"
Sobs receded with distance as the trio continued past torches and barred doors and their moans and misery to...where?
He didn't know. He didn't care. He had tried to fight and the guards had taken him like they were holding a piece of vellum. It was the most helpless moment of his life. His heart grew tight as he thought of Anwen, crying out to him. He hated leaving her; it scored his soul. But he was glad too, as he had a feeling that he was going to his death.
"Where're we taking him?"
"The Chamberlain."
This was news. He'd rather be hung.
He steeled himself to the faint backdrop of Anwen's anguished cries.
*
"Oh, they have treated you badly, haven't they?"
Llion peered at the hated man, hoping he could feel his enmity boring into him.
The Chamberlain stared at him, keenly.
"Still not broken? I admire your resistance. I will be quite sad when it's...over." The Chamberlain trailed his hand over a chair as he moved around Llion.
"But that moment is upon us."
Llion wanted to spit but remained still, his muscles burning with the effort. So this was it.
The Chamberlain turned quickly and grabbed Llion's chin.
"Listen, Llion, with those brave ears of yours. What do you hear?"
Llion's heart lurched. He focused until he could discern female cries of pain. Anwen! He jerked forward but the guards were too quick.
"I see you understand."
He pushed Llion's face back with some force, a show of unnecessary power to a weakened man.
The Chamberlain moved away, a cruel smile on his face.
"I would say it will be quick but..."
"Kill me now," Llion managed to grunt, his voice betraying his despair.
The Chamberlain laughed.
"But where's the fun in that?"
*
366 words
I wrote a story which was almost just like this but tweaked it a bit here to send it in a totally different direction. This microfiction challenge is stretching me and I am going to use it to see what I can do. Hope you like it. If you want to read Version 1, you can here:
Thanks for stopping by! If you do read this, please leave a comment as I love to interact with my readers.
174/366
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Comments (22)
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Absolutely 💯. Congratulations on your top story 👏.
Congratulations on having your story featured as a top story on Vocal! This is a remarkable achievement, and it's clear why your work has received such recognition. Your storytelling is truly exceptional. The narrative was not only compelling but also beautifully crafted, holding my attention from start to finish. The way you developed the characters and plot was masterful, making the story both engaging and thought-provoking. Your unique voice and perspective shine through, setting your work apart. It’s evident that you poured a lot of passion and effort into this piece, and it has certainly paid off. I look forward to reading more of your incredible stories in the future. Keep up the fantastic work! Best regards, Dr. Jay
Nice... I have not read the other version. This version was definitely satisfying in a dark way, loved it! Excellent read, Rachel.
What a great scene you make the readers heart pound with every line Congratulations
This scene vividly portrays Llion's torment as he's dragged away from Anwen's anguished cries. The grim atmosphere of the prison amplifies his helplessness and dread. The Chamberlain's cruel taunting adds psychological torture, highlighting Llion's suffering and the struggle to maintain dignity in the face of impending doom.
Well deserved top story Congratulations
Woop woop. Top Story. congrats Chumchumcharee!
Waxaan dareemi karay shucuurta qaydhin, kacsanaanta, iyo quusta xaaladda Llion. Sharaxaada cad iyo oohinta Anwen waxay sidoo kale abuuraan jawi awood leh. Ma sugi karo inaan akhriyo nooca 1 oo aan arko sida jihada kala duwani u shaqeyso. Hambalyo sheekada sare! Wanaag mudan!! 👏👏👏👏 Akhri wax dheeraad ah
I could feel the raw emotion, tension, and desperation of Llion's situation. The vivid descriptions and the haunting cries of Anwen create a powerful atmosphere too. I can't wait to read Version 1 and see how the different direction plays out. Congrats on top story! Well-deserved!! 👏👏👏👏
This feels familiar. Maybe I read it but didn't have time to comment. Either way, I liked the way you described Llion's plight. Congrats on Top Story my friend.
Back to say congrats on Top Story, Rachel!👏
Oooo! I could go for a part two of version two!! Yes please!! Great work here Rachel, congrats on Top Story!!
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Nice one
Gosh I hate to sit on the fence but I truly loved both versions. This was such a visual story. Could literally see it playing out. Great one.
Totally ominous!
Wow! Impressive! A very different ending with a much darker tone. Both version are very well done
I liked Version 1 better, because of Merlin’s presence mostly. But both are great, well written and gripping.
Gotta agree with Sir Paul below, this version was definitely darker. That ending freaking sent a shiver down my spine!
I have not read Version One yet. But I really enjoyed this version. I'm a big fan of dark and psychological stories. You did very well with this excellent work as always!
This version is much darker. I suppose, when comparing the two...in this Llion has less to live for and nothing to lose...now his love is dead. But, the other version is more hopeful at least because Merlin's potential involvement. I like both versions...but this feels way more bleak and I'd be curious as to what would become of Llion in this version. Well done on both, though, Chum. Champion stuff!