Relationship satire can be cathartic; when love hurts too much, just laugh.
From Iron Man to Captain America
Oil, like a bloody black sticky phlegm stuck in the throat of the old man of Asia, Europe and Africa. Unable to vomit or swallow. He coughed so violently that even young Americans from oceans away joined in.
Before accusing others, read this story first
In a village there was a young man who was extremely good, but he had a fatal flaw: he often spoke rudely to others. His parents and friends always advised him, and he always said, "What's the big deal, it's just a few words, what's the big deal?" Then he still did what he wanted.
Alabama to Outlaw Intercourse
As stringent abortion legislation sweeps across the southern United States after the overturning of Roe v. Wade, Alabama’s governor called a special session of the Alabama state legislature to vote on a bill making it illegal to engage in vaginal intercourse.
A sign of maturity is becoming gentle? Nonsense.
The sign of maturity is becoming gentle? This is bullshit. Sometimes it seems like tolerance, it seems like being able to let go, it seems like not caring, not because the person is gentler, but more because of two mindsets -
Have you ever thought that when you "lick" the other person, it already means that you don't deserve that person?
I'm going to completely shatter some people's illusions in this answer, don't blame me for talking tough, I'd rather have all the tough words in my place than have you lick it in the future until you end up with nothing and bruises all over the place.
Hello Everyone! I'm sitting here in the cafe with my mother, who is utterly burning with jealousy. I bought a laptop off of my Brother (a good friend of mine from a previous job) and, of course, she is utterly jealous. My laptop is big, and its bold, and its....
I'm Having A Baby!
I’m having a baby! But before anyone reflexively offers congratulations, there is more to this announcement, which I’ll get to momentarily. First, I’ll share that I’m a 36 year old single woman, currently living with my parents.
My First Trip To The Gynecologist
I’d like to follow up my first attempt at controversial comedy with gross comedy. Because I recently had my first ever pelvic exam.
Why I do not know how to swim
I can't remember the year, I could calculate it because the pool lessons were happening when I was in the 4th and 5th grade. But I won't calculate it, I'm here to write not to do basic mathematics.
Are we learning from our mistake?
I’m kind of a hoarder. So when a handyman accidentally sliced the wires off my sprinkler system, and I decided to finally start using the water in our rain barrels, it was a big step for me. I wasn’t jazzed about tapping into my water reserves. But I thought I would slowly work through the half-full barrels to quench my garden’s thirst until I could create the grey water system I coveted. Ot at least until I could find someone to help me construct a good drip irrigation system.
China Admits Defeat in Secret War with America
China admitted defeat today in its 20 plus year secret war with America when it revealed that its ability to produce cheap goods and services could not keep up with seemingly unquenchable American demand for low priced tchotchke's and poor quality knick-knacks. The plan to flood the streets of America with ultra cheap consumer goods was said to be modeled on the CIAs much rumored but never confirmed plan to flood the streets of the inner city with crack cocaine in the 1980s in order to suppress a rising black populace that threatened the existing white power structure. Much like the CIA's beliefs about black youths and crack cocaine, the Chinese believed that American's would quickly become addicted to cheap crap. For both the CIA and the Chinese, the first part of the plan was a smashing success, but after those initial successes, the effectiveness of each plan began to diverge. While crack addicted black youths in the urban ghettos began to commit violent crime, drop out of school, and were sent to prison in record numbers exactly as the CIA had predicted, Americans were seemingly unfazed by their addiction to low priced knock off goods with humorously translated marketing and instructional content. While American consumer debt did balloon no collapse materialized and it was the Chinese that instead found themselves in an unsustainable position, unable to meet the continuing and growing American demand. Chinese economic Vice Mininster Wjen Zhanbo, said to be the brains behind the secret war said the following during his televised speech admitting the Chinese had been defeated. "While our secret war plan was brilliantly conceived and flawlessly executed we overlooked what now seems to be glaringly obvious, American's thirst for really shitty and poorly made crap is endless. Even the awesome power of the magnificent manufacturing machine that is Chinese industry was no match for American's lust for useless household goods and toys that break after thirty seconds of use. Ah well, hindsight is 20/20 they say."
The sad tale I am about to relate makes my hands to tremble. It draws forth a bitter fore-taste in my mouth. I can see my friend on the other side of the river shaking his head in utter bewilderment.