Know What You Are Getting Before You Say I Do

Ladies, we must stop with the Prince Charming formula when looking to be married. Life is not Cinderella or any of the other fantasy stories we read and watch as little girls. Stop looking for the superficial things (looks and charm). Stop giving up the cookie to early. Learn that we teach people how to treat us.

So many people are in love with the idea of love and marriage. They dream of the wedding day. The bride obsesses over the dress and all the other details that comes with wedding planning. There are discussions about the honeymoon, the wedding shower, and the bachelor party. Everyone becomes focused on the stress and fun of the one event.

These are questions to concerned before marriage.

1. What happens when the couple comes home and start their life together?

2. Should they seek counseling?

3. How about finances?

4. Should they wait a couple of years before?

5. brining children into the equation?

6. Do they both want children?

7. Does both parents work outside of home while children grow up?

8. They do not give enough thought about what it takes to be married to the same person for the rest of their life.

Couples should not enter marriage so lightly. It is the first union that God created. As the years go by people change, but the vow did not. Once married, couples should not be so quick to divorce.

That cute slim frame body may not stay that way after the babies come. Men you may not look the same when you cannot stay hours on hours in the gym because you are working sixty to sixty-five hours a week. The point is people change. Even when both can keep up a youthful look there are other issues that may arrive at any time.

Let us examine these vows most couples recite. “To have and to hold in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or worst…) That is a mouth full. So many people just repeat what the officiator says and keep it moving until life’s challenges happens. These vows are the reality of life. There is a possibility one or more these can happen loss of work, make bad investments, sickness, have accidents, loss of a child and get on each other nerves.

No one knows what will happen in this life. Anyone thinking about marriage must understand that marriage is about sharing life’s up and downs together. It is about mutual respect, love, friendship, and good sex. Seriously, there will be times when all your partner needs are for someone to listen to them (both male and female).

If a person does not respect your opinion before marriage, he or she will not after marriage. If he or she will cheat while you all are dating, it is a stronger possibility cheating will happen during the marriage. If the person will not hold job before, what make you believe it will get better? Get to know the person before you say I do. What you marry is what you get. You are not going to change the person.

There is no amount of good loving, good cooking, or good anything else your friends or family have told you that will keep someone from being who they are on the inside. Married folks lose careers, get diseases, get murdered, and get outside babies all because someone made bad choices before and after they got married.

Do not wait until you have a long-term illness to discover the person you married will not be there for you. A lady I know had a bad car accident that messed up her back. She had to have three surgeries. She was not able to perform the way the husband enjoyed for a certain period per her physician. The husband decided he could leave with her that way, divorced her, and married a younger version of her.

These folks had been married over 30 years and had three children together. Yes, sex is an important part of marriage. He took the vow in sickness and health; for better or worst. It is a good thing his new wife did not do him the same after he came down with sickness.

Do not get me wrong there are times when divorce is the only option. I do not advice anyone to stay in a marriage full of abuse. The abuse can be verbal, physical, or sexual. Infidelity is certainly a reason for divorce. All of things breaks trust and safety codes.

However, I personally do not tell anyone to stay or leave a marriage. People must come to that conclusion for themselves.

This why I say learn who the person is before you marry them. It is so much easier to never into a troubled relationship or marriage in the first place than to get out of one.

I have been married for twenty-eight years. We dated for fours before we got married, and there were still somethings we both had to get use to about each other. The thing that has kept us together is not perfection on either side, but we genuinely like each other.

It has not always been that way. Every time he would say or do something that made me want to give up, I could go back to the friendship we developed. I would pull out photos of our wedding day.

I am a believer in the saintly of marriage and the vow. Look the seven-year itch is real. So, build a good foundation; and learn who you will be dealing beforehand. Try to enjoy the life you build together.

Thank you for Reading,

Originally Published on Medium