Is this the end of the relationship?

How to know when love is over?

Relationships always begin with excitement and butterflies in the stomach, but determining when to end a relationship is not so simple, and sometimes it plunges us into a stalemate that is difficult to resolve.

If it is sometimes difficult to determine when a relationship begins, it is much more difficult to close it. The signs that something is not right start out being very subtle, and if they are not addressed, very negative feelings emerge that sometimes make us look away and ignore them. In this way, knowing where to put the end to a relationship becomes a very complex decision.

Crisis or end of the relationship? In practice, it is difficult to distinguish between these two states. You may be asking yourself where you are with your current partner. You argue, you have quiet days, and you increasingly notice signs that the relationship is pointless. But are you sure? How do you know if it's worth giving a relationship a chance? Start by asking questions. Not to your partner, but to yourself. Here's a step-by-step guide to help you understand where your relationship is at.


The final end of a relationship is sometimes difficult to distinguish from an ordinary crisis in love. We are afraid to break up, although sometimes we wonder about the state of our feelings and whether our partner is as committed to this relationship as we are. “I've spent so many years with him... It's a pity. I'll be alone again. What if forever? What if it's just a temporary crisis and I'll make a mistake by breaking up? – we think. The signs that it's not love are not so obvious. Fortunately, there are several ways to find out if a relationship is pointless.

Why do you want to break up?

When looking for an answer to the question whether it is a crisis or the end of a relationship, first find out how final your decision to break off the relationship is. Exercise will help you. Take a cardboard, draw a table: four fields will fit on it. Pros and cons of breaking up. Pros and cons of remaining with your present partner. For example: "What would be good about breaking up? I would meet someone who suits me better in some time. What would be bad about our breaking up? I don't like loneliness, I would probably be sad. Positives of staying in a relationship... I like him, I respect him, I value him and his advice. I still hope that maybe we will decide to enlarge the family, which I miss. Negatives? We will argue, like now, I will cry because of him..." Give yourself a few days to consider all the pros and cons, add new ones items.

The second task that may convince you that this is the final end of the relationship: find an hour or two just for yourself, sit comfortably and imagine yourself in 30 years . How do you look? Where are you? Who are you with? What do you do when you get out of bed, where do you work, how do you spend your free time and in the evenings? Do you see a man next to you with whom you are currently in a relationship? Can you imagine him in 30 yearsand want this future him to accompany you every day?


Crisis or end of the relationship? Give yourself time

If the negatives of staying together outweigh you, if you see more benefits in ending the relationship and you absolutely cannot imagine this man by your side in 30 years - these are signs that the relationship does not make sense. I guess you already know what you should do in such a situation? But maybe it's not clear to you yet, maybe you still have doubts. All right. Give you six months. Try to change something for the better in your relationship. Tell your partner what you expect, what you lack, but above all: reward every good behavior. Tell him what he did that was good and cool, what impressed you. Only when, after this time, it turns out that everything is the same, decide to definitely end the relationship and leave. But first, just to be sure, do a short test.

Find out if this is the end of love. Take a psychological test

Are you wondering if this is the end of the relationship or a temporary crisis? Answer YES or NO to the following questions.

If…

Do you often accuse each other? YES NO
Are you critical of yourself? YES NO
Is there contempt in your conversations? YES NO
Are you getting defensive? YES NO
Do you feel like your partner has only negative feelings towards you? YES NO
Are your memories of your relationship bad? YES NO
One of you has stopped staying at home and avoids spending time together? YES NO
When you think about your future, do you find it difficult to imagine your current partner in it? YES NO
Do you feel like you are happier when you spend time without your partner? YES NO
Did you answer yes to majority of the questions? So you are already sure: this is the final station of your love.

How to survive the end of a relationship? Breaking up is a process

You already know that this is the final end of the relationship. The only question is whether your partner knows about it. What to do in this situation? How do you make it clear that it's over? Usually, the idea that comes to our mind is to "handle it delicately", to suggest that we should take a break from each other but that we will remain friends... This is a bad idea. When you are sure that it is over, do not give the other party hope, do not suggest that there are any other, objective reasons for the breakup. It's better to say about yourself: "I want to break up. It's my decision."


However, there is no reason to expect that this conversation will go smoothly. The end of a relationship and love are strong emotions, even negative ones. You need to be prepared for this. Repeat: "I understand. I'm sorry. I have nothing more to say." Be patient: you have been thinking about breaking up for over half a year, your partner may be surprised by this turn of events. Breaking up is a process. It must continue. The partner must go through all phases of mourning: denial ("Think about it, don't write us off!"), sadness (friends will call: "I saw him, he lost a lot of weight, he looked like seven misfortunes!"), anger (your ex-partner will send you a resentful text message). -a, maybe he will spread rumors about you). It is important not to respond to aggression with aggression, because this only leads to the escalation of the conflict. But then comes the life reorganization phase. And at this stage, you will both be sure that you don't feel anything for each other and that the breakup was the best thing that could have happened to you.

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