I Read The 'After School Satan Club' Handbook

Hi Rogues,

I'm taking a break from writing about shootings because, unsurprisingly, there are far too many for me to keep up with.

I've already made multiple arguments against mentally and emotionally broken individuals being the source of this problem.

There's really nothing else left to say about that. The rest is on you.

So... In other news, Pennsylvania recently got its first "After School Satan Club", (ASSC) courtesy of its parent movement, The Satanic Temple (TST).

Now, before you Pennsylvanians get your shovels and picket signs to come after me, simmer down.

Last time, I took on the 'Stop Having Kids' movement since they claimed to promote "critical thinking" and other things. Critical thinking is my middle name, so I decided to have some critical fun with this one also.

After all, I AM a rogue, handsome devil.

Let's burn, baby.

I'll spare you the details of the main organization for now. The name says it all.

What I want you to focus on is the wording.

Buzzwords like "free inquiry" and "everlasting, other-worldly horrors". This is the same pattern that SHK used... So you already know where all of this will lead. Moving along...

I won't be reviewing the TST's Tenets here because that's just way too much for one day. But again, notice that no "religious instruction" takes place in ASSC...

Question: Why does ASSC feel the need to defend its stance on "non-religious" education when its goal should be 'obvious' at first glance?

They say Satan isn't real. (More on that in a bit) Yet, they seem to have to explain over and over again that this isn't about religion... And yet, they want "religious" protection... But they're "not" a religion...?

Okay... I thought this was about "free inquiry" and not about "superstitious" characters. ASSC is awfully defensive of something that shouldn't even be part of an "intellectual" conversation...

We'll come back to that, I suppose. Moving along...

In modern times, the words we use have been under constant attack.

In fact, I don't think people are as afraid of ancient scriptures and wisdom as they are of dictionaries.

The word "indoctrinate" used to mean "educate" or "teach".

Now, it means to "brainwash". In any case, even if we went with the modern definition of "indoctrinate", apparently even movements like TST and ASSC, who claim that we should be free to do whatever with one's own body (that includes the mouth) can't just say people are being "brainwashed" by religions... Because that's "offensive".

Hold on, then what's this?

Freedom to offend, huh? Great. It seems we've found our first violation of the 7 Tenets. Here you go:

Chickensh*t people with a limited vocabulary shouldn't take an otherwise classy word, twist its meaning when no one is looking, and say voila: "my feelings are hurt".

Critical thinkers know and understand that relativism is often dangerous. People shouldn't go around redefining words, art installations, or anything else that doesn't need redefining.

Notice I didn't use the word "can".

Because you CAN do these things, but it doesn't mean you SHOULD. (That's from the Holy Book of Wordsmithing.)

With that said, ASSC should fire its copywriters. Or at least buy them a Thesaurus.

Why? Because "Educating" is a synonym for "indoctrinating".

And since they're "Educatin' With Satan" and excluding the possibility of the metaphysical (because Satan isn't real and science, duh) that means they're teaching with an extra fine filter aiming towards a very specific goal...

...Also known as brainwashing.

I mean, indoctrination.

I mean, "educating".

They can't indoctrinate and then also denounce indoctrination in the same breath. This is insulting to my craft and all intellectuals everywhere. Fix it, ASSC.

To call ASSC anything else would be disingenuous or akin to hiding...

Question: Hide what, exactly?

Never in the history of mankind has anyone ever needed to "hide" rational thought, science, critical thinking, or the pursuit of excellence. That's all they're promoting supposedly, right? (The devil ain't real, because man is better, duh.)

So what the hell are they talking about saying that they "couldn't name ASSC something else"? That's ridiculous and very suspicious.

It's as if there is something to hide... But what could that possibly though? Hm.

The only thing that "ASSC" has going for it is that it sounds like "Ask". I agree, asking questions is important. That's why I have tons of questions. This is just a sampler.

TST and the ASSC go on to describe "Satan" (a figure they don't really believe in) as just some symbol that represents a "rejection of tyranny over the human mind and spirit".

Question: What the hell is a "human spirit"? Have "spirits" been scientifically proven or something?

I thought we agreed that hell and Satan aren't real. Don't start talking about spirits now...

If spirits are real, I fear ASSC would have a lot of explaining to do in the name of science.

Also, the human "mind" is a metaphysical concept and not subject to "tyranny". The "mind" is what we call a collection of... "scientific things"... Pastries. Thoughts. Things unseen. Right?

Long story short: TST and ASSC should know that every person is in control of their choices and destiny.

With this in mind (hehe, get it?) any fears of potential "tyranny" are irrational, baseless, and contradict ASSC's mission of "free inquiry" and "intellectual/emotional development".

In other words: are they suggesting that my "spirit" and "mind" are so frail that I'll be easily "oppressed" by the "teachings" of mortal, fallible men?

Spare me the hogwash, ASSC.

TST makes this clear in Tenet 6. Fallible people are incapable of making their beds or picking where to eat. Meaning, they are most certainly incapable of tyranny over any man.

Sounds like the promotion of an "other-worldly horror" to me. They can't do that. That's indoctrination, right?

Well, I'm glad that they background check their volunteers. That's a plus.

Do they background check their graphic designers though? Because these drawings are f*cking criminal.

Question: What the hell is that goat doing? Where is its lab coat? It's going to get splashed and scorched by that beaker-thing.

At least it has goggles on...

What about those snakes? Who gave them that rope? Are they venomous? CALL THE IRWINS.

That lemur-thing looks way too happy flirting with imminent death.

Virtually zero respect for safety or the laws of nature.

P.S. Snakes can't love.

Ages 5 through 12?!

Parental permission?!

ASSC just shot themselves in both talons.

First of all, children are evil. More than likely, they'll bully and barf on each other to death. This is in direct violation of TST's First and Third Tenets.

Sorry kids, you're expelled from the club. No science for you.

Second, why do parents need to give their permission for activities that promote intellectual and rational thought if there's no hidden agenda?

Maybe I'm wrong on this one because we are living in wild times. But back in my day (85 years ago) my parents never had to sign a waiver or give permission for me to be part of a group that had my best interests in mind.

Unless there was something dangerous going on...

But ASSC says that Satan's not a bad guy. In fact, he's not even real.

Sounds familiar, eh?

Their mascot/symbol is based on a "superstition" according to TST. Their so-called "non-superstitious worldview" is fully rooted in a "superstitious friendly guy"...

Something doesn't add up.

Where's the real danger? Since when do children or anyone need permission to learn truth and rational thought?

The fact is, they shouldn't.

The truth is not for anyone to hide. It's not "exclusive" to an individual, or certain after-school clubs. And it's definitely not always subjective.

This is a conclusion that all truth-seekers will inevitably reach.

ASSC is its own worst enemy. This doesn't surprise me since man tends to be his own worst enemy in a lot of things.

Man's quest for "self" is ironically one of self-defeat - that is, realizing that man himself could never possibly know everything about the "observable" world and he must surrender to something greater...

There's only ONE answer for that...

And if it ain't Satan...

Then it could only be...

You guessed it: Clowns.

Clowns and pizza. Two solutions.

See? I kept religion out of it. So with THAT said... Visit MY after-school club and have yourself a laugh about all of this.

The Chicken Fried Ashley Club

You can get this awesome design and others more to support the only answer to this world of clownery: more clowns.

Better than goats with no lab coats.

(I'm not always this annoying, I promise.)

Rogue to you later.