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Fear of being alone: ​​how to detect it and how to combat it

Advice on how to detect this form of psychological distress and what to do

By Nouman ul haqPublished 2 years ago 4 min read
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Fear of being alone: ​​how to detect it and how to combat it
Photo by Austin Mabe on Unsplash

The fear of being alone is a surprisingly common psychological phenomenon . Even in people who seem to have many friends and are popular, this is a common cause for concern.

That is why if you have ever considered the idea of ​​"I am afraid of being alone even if I have people who love me", you should know that your case is not completely exceptional; many people feel much the same way.

In this case we will see how to lose the fear of being alone and overcome this fear through new habits that we can introduce little by little in our day to day.

What is the fear of being alone?

In short, the fear of being alone is based on a series of negative thoughts about what your future could be, which is characterized by isolation and lack of emotional connection with people who are significant to you.

Thus, people who present this kind of fear are obsessed with the hypothesis that they are or could become totally helpless and without the ability to count on the company, affection and understanding of someone.

Signs that reveal this form of fear

Some of the warning signs that a person suffers from the fear of being alone are the following.

1. Need to seek human contact and tempt fate

People who fear the possibility of being alone tend to try to be in as many social events as possible , even if they are not really interested in what is offered in them beyond being in contact with other people.

The reason is that they try to meet new people, to see if someone arrives with whom they can connect (either as a couple or as friends).

2. They have a pragmatic view of relationships

Those who do not want to be alone, mainly seek to be with people with whom they can spend many moments, either due to coincidence of interests or because they have a similar personality. The idea is to go pragmatic and establish relationships that offer perspectives of stability in the future , regardless of whether there is a genuine interest in that person beyond what he knows how to do and what he likes to do.

3. Idea that family doesn't count

Many times, people who are afraid of being alone do not value the fact that they have relatives who love them and are interested in their well-being.

This is so, normally, because they (wrongly) consider that these relatives are by their side without having chosen it, simply because the ties of the family have led them to love them practically unconditionally.

As if everyone were free to do what they wanted except fathers, mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers, uncles and aunts, who are obliged to love those who share their blood.

4. Search for external validation

From what we have seen, in most cases those who are afraid of being alone fear being judged negatively by others, which in turn often means that they do not express themselves as they are in front of others. The latter, in turn, makes her feel more isolated and with a greater need to establish meaningful relationships.

What to do to overcome it?

Follow these tips to combat the fear of being alone and not let it determine the way you relate to others.

1. Choose quality and not quantity

Instead of constantly attending events that mean nothing to you, start going to those that have something genuine to offer you. Stopping worrying about your number of interactions with relatively unknown people will make your social life much more fluid and spontaneous.

2. Stop judging and judging yourself

There are many stigmas that greatly damage the quality of social relationships and keep us isolated from people who could be important in our lives, if we discovered them.

Therefore, do not hold back when it comes to raising plans with those who really interest you , even if those links outside the social circles in which you usually move could be worth criticism. The judgment of someone who doesn't think it's okay for you to go with people you're interested in really shouldn't be relevant to you.

Also, in order for this recommendation to take effect, you should be the first person to stop judging others for any excuse, as this will mature you to the point where being criticized for certain things will seem ridiculous.

3. Demystify rejection

Rejection is just that, the lack of interest in having a certain type of relationship with you . It does not mean that the other person hates you, or that they are not interested in you at all, or that there are reasons why their opinion about what you are is correct or more relevant than that of other people who care a lot about you.

4. Learn to love solitude

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone with no people around. These moments can be used in many ways, and we even have a greater ability to choose what to do, since we do not depend on the intentions and preferences of another .

So spend that time reading, meditating, exercising, or any of the hundreds of other activities whose benefits will extend beyond that time and place and give you experience in something you like to progress in.

In short, to overcome the fear of being alone, it is useful both to love solitude and to stop obsessing over not remaining alone.

fact or fictionfamilyfriendshiphow tohumanity
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Nouman ul haq

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