Endgame: The Strangest Feeling..

Marriage is a three-ring circus....engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering. Sorry, joke!

But if current divorce statistics are anything to go by, it is perhaps based on fact. Nearly 45 per cent of all marriages in the UK now end in divorce, with far fewer people marrying. That is almost one in every two unions.

Forty-five years ago, more than two-thirds (68 per cent) of UK households were made up of married couples, but the latest figure is just over 38 per cent, and falling. Additionally, the proportion of people cohabiting together informally has risen to 40 per cent. I wanted to give a personal perspective on this situation.

It seems that our union of 30 years was a matrimonial dinosaur in an era of quickie relationships, quickie divorces, the advance of the career woman, the acceptance of infidelity as a virtuous act and the relentless increase in childhood trauma and screwed-up emotions. My ex and I came from hugely contrasting backgrounds and two different continents, with entirely different outlooks and personalities. United by a love of reggae, Bob Marley's music, and being very independent individuals, we married across cultural boundaries when it was not fashionable to do so. Our union was thus problematic from day one. The real surprise is that we confounded all the experts who did not expect our interracial marriage to last too long, let alone more than three decades.

Not surprisingly, the day my divorce finally came through was a very strange one for me - 5 years, 9 months, 2 days and 14 hours since I left my home, to be exact. I was not expecting to be informed that day and seeing the letter bearing the news felt surreal. Officially we were married for 30 years, two months and three days. The End. Finito. Caput.

I felt a kind of deep sadness about it, when I read the Decree Absolute. Yet the marriage had been effectively over three years before I left. The sadness was perhaps overwhelming because I am not the person I was back then. After those eight years just waiting for the end, I had more compassion, a greater understanding of why the relationship ended, less anger, less blame and far more confidence in me and my future. People might underestimate the effects of losing such long relationships, such deep emotional ties and bonds and the re-evaluation required in going forward, but that decision to break had to be taken. I acted upon it at the right time and had no regrets at all. I had to discover the real me, my potential and capabilities and I couldn't do it within the marriage. We had both changed and were heading in different directions.

I wished my ex-husband well in his endeavours, in finding a suitable soulmate for himself, and for the greatest blessings that can come his way. I thanked him for all the joy we had and his influence on my development; for sharing my journey and for being there at the crucial times.

In its own way, it was a very successful relationship. Forged at a time when it was not fashionable to love across cultural boundaries, we broke all records in the UK: a Sikh and an African Caribbean, who fell in love and produced two beautiful, talented children. It was the making of me and I gave thanks for experiencing it.

But life goes on. Onwards and upwards. Divorce day is now the past, and I speak from a position of great contentment which was not possible before.

I remember having a special coffee with some celebratory Bailey's in it. I raised my cup with a huge smile, pointed it to the future and my new life as a Savvy, Soaring and very Single woman! Cheers, I said. Here's to 30 more years (I wish!).

A few years on, I'm in a new relationship, and it feels amazing. :o)

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