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Dear Auntie Heather

I kicked Mom off the keyboard because I knew she would be rude.

By Cathy holmesPublished 8 months ago 3 min read
Top Story - October 2023
45
photo by author

Below is my response to Heather Hubler's "Write Me a Letter Challenge."

Although I said above this was "my" response, it's seems I've been relegated to editor status while my cat has taken over the task:

Dear Auntie Heather,

Abigail here.

I just wanted to say good morning and let you know that Mom says you’re her bestest Vocal friend. And I want you to know that I’m your favourite Vocal cat. Don’t deny it. We both know you can’t resist me because I’m completely freaking adorable.

Oh heck, I seem to be going off script already. This is not supposed to be about me me me. It’s supposed to be about you you you.

Mom wanted you to know that you’re not just a Vocal friend (although that is a very wonderful thing) you’re a true friend. She says that she enjoys the chats you have, how you talk about things that are not at all related to writing, how you support and try to pick each other up and how you can make each other laugh when it’s needed most.

Jeez. That wasn’t rude at all. Maybe I should have let her do the typing after all considering how difficult it is for me, with the no thumbs thing. It’s okay though. I don’t mind doing a difficult thing for you, because I love you and I know you love me too. I also know you’d give me way more treats than Mom does. She can be a bitch about treats (did I say that out loud?)

Mom says she wishes she could meet you in person one day. Can you imagine? The Empress and the Queen in the same room together. Oh, the chaos fun that would ensue.

Speaking of Queen and Empress, Mom says she’s the Queen and you’re the Empress. I’m not sure what she means but I know that you do. Mom says in her humble opinion, the Empress will always have a higher standing and she says you should not only never forget that, but you deserve it because you’re the best. She says you should give yourself a pat on the back. Can you give me one too, and maybe scratch my ears while you’re at it?

Mom also says you’re a nerd. See, I knew she was going to get rude! She’s laughing about it. She insists that it’s true and says it’s not rude because you know you’re a nerd. She even says she has proof, but I still don’t believe her.

message received at 8 am.In my defense, I had less than 1/4 cup of coffee at the time.

Oh. I stand corrected. You are a nerd! That’s okay though, I still love you. Just don’t expect me to talk about quantiumer phuyxis…er quantier physums… oh, never mind. I just don’t want to talk about that, alright?

It’s getting pretty close to nap time for me now, so I’ll have to wrap this up soon. Besides, my fingers (or toes or whatever you call them) are getting tired of banging on this alphabet thingy. I asked Mom if she had anything else to say to her dear friend. I also reminded her again not to be rude.

She is laughing. She wonders why I’m so concerned about her being rude, when you’re worse. She says you can be downright mean. Oh! How dare she say that about my wonderful Auntie Heather? I am offended on your behalf, and mine as well. I may have to give her a nick for that.

Oh, hold on. What’s this she’s showing me now?

how friggin rude is that?

Hahahaha. Sorry Mom, but that’s friggin hilarious. And Auntie Heather’s right.

she thinks it's funny.

She’s giving me the “no treats for you” evil eye. I guess I better start purring and suck up to her a little so I can get some treats before my nap. Yeah, yeah I know. Who’s the hoe now, Abigail?

Anyways, Auntie Heather, it’s time for me to sign off now. I hope you have the best day ever, but whatever happens, remember how wonderful you are, how talented you are, and mostly how loved you are by your Vocal family. And just in case that’s not enough, you can always message Mom and call her a hoe. In fact, I encourage it.

Love and hisses,

Abigail

humorfriendship
45

About the Creator

Cathy holmes

Canadian family girl with a recently discovered love for writing. Other loves include animals and sports.

Reader insights

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Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

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    Well-structured & engaging content

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Comments (41)

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  • Test8 months ago

    Clever and very entertaining!! 🙏Pernoste

  • Veronica Coldiron8 months ago

    I love this BOTH times I read it! Congrats on the challenge! 😍

  • Paul Stewart8 months ago

    I see Princess Abigail is still doing all the heavy lifting for you and getting those sweet Top Stories, Cathy! Nevertheless, loved this! Congrats for the Top Story, to both of you!

  • StoryholicFinds8 months ago

    Congrats and I love it! ❤️❤️❤️

  • Carol Townend8 months ago

    Oh dear, you two in the same room? Well, that would really crack me up! I love how you turn your cat into the storyteller, and that is one cheeky cat!

  • What an adorably erudite cat!

  • Luna Hawthorne8 months ago

    Congratulations its an amazing story😍🥳🥳

  • Luna Hawthorne8 months ago

    hello everyone iam a new writer here i wish u all look on my profile and read my stories

  • Andrew Zuk8 months ago

    Congratulations on your Top Story😉

  • Alex H Mittelman 8 months ago

    Wow! Congrats on top story!

  • Donna Renee8 months ago

    Congrats, Cathigail!! 😍🤣

  • I'm back to say congratulations! No, not to you. It's for Princess Abigail 😁 Lol, just messing around! Congratulations on your Top Story!

  • JBaz8 months ago

    Way to go Abigail Congratulations

  • Thavien Yliaster8 months ago

    Dang, Abigail just called You a h**. Abby's not a p****, but a c***. Dang, she's savage. Plus, that's Heather's normal amount of nerdiness. Reading quantum physics and what-not. At least she's not a dork. Nerds are intelligent and dorks are just obsessed.

  • Dana Stewart8 months ago

    Best signoff to a loveable letter! Congrats on the Top Story!

  • Lamar Wiggins8 months ago

    Love and Hisses! Awesome! Congrats, Cathy and Abigail. Very entertaining!

  • Jazzy 8 months ago

    This is absolutely divine!

  • Congratulations on Your Top Story🎉💯✌️

  • Heather Hubler8 months ago

    Congratulations on Top Story!!

  • Dana Crandell8 months ago

    Wouldn't ya know Abigail would get Top Story? Better buy extra treats, Cathy! Really well done, my friend!

  • Melissa Ingoldsby8 months ago

    💕❤️💕❤️

  • Tiffany Gordon 8 months ago

    Cathy Holmes Omg that was the cutest thing that I've read in a long time! 😁 Thanks so much 4 sharing! u, Heather & Abigail are the cutest!

  • Test8 months ago

    Brilliantly funny! Love it,,,and Abigail! 🤍

  • Gerald Holmes8 months ago

    This is just so funny. I have tears in my eyes!

  • Veronica Coldiron8 months ago

    OMGOSH this was so good I may not bother to write one. LOL! LOOOVE this one the mostest! Give Abigail my praise. I know she knows she deserves it. 🤣

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