3 Relationship Non-Negotiables

The first thing you ask yourself when you meet a guy is:

"Do I like him?"

The next question is (if it was yes to the 1st question),

"Do I enjoy being with him?"

And once you begin dating, you'll inevitably ask yourself this:

"Could I stay with him forever?"

You search for certain qualities at each stage.

You want to determine whether you have chemistry, are compatible, and have similar values when you first meet someone.

You want to know if you can communicate well, cooperate, and spend a lot of time together without driving each other mad as you grow to know each other more.

The hardest question to answer is, however, the one about 'forever'.

How do you know that THIS is the one for you?

Every couple expects their marriage to last forever when they walk down the aisle. Despite having the best of intentions, many of these marriages fail and end in divorce.

Could they have known that their love wouldn't last in advance? Were they lacking a special component?

I don't make a living off of foretelling the future, but I am familiar with a good deal of the research that supports successful relationships, and that research may hold the key.

The following three qualities are commonly mentioned in literature:

Safety, Belonging, and acceptance.

In healthy relationships of ANY type, we feel emotionally safe, like we belong, and like we are accepted for who we are.

Think about your friendships with a group of pals or your best buddy.

Consider how secure you feel around them. They won't suddenly turn around and say anything hurtful to you, you know that. You know that they won't share something personal you said and broadcast it.

When you are around them, you have a sense of belonging. They are your squad. You have history together.

They accept you just as you are as well. They supported you when you went through a difficult time in your life. They'll always accept you for who you are at any given time.

Good relationships in love are similar.

You feel emotionally secure in healthy love relationships.

You are confident that he will never intentionally say something hurtful or unpleasant to you. If he does offend you, he offers his sincere apologies. Because he doesn't want you to feel terrible, he makes an effort to improve.

When you're in a healthy love relationship, you feel at home.

You are not two people spending time with each other; you are one unit. He calls you his girlfriend. He respects your opinions and regards you as an equal partner. You and your partner have special things that make you a couple, such as a shared sense of humor, a passion for music, or a common interest.

You feel loved and accepted for who you are in a healthy romantic relationship.

You are not being auditioned for the part of his ideal girlfriend by him. He is not evaluating you against the women he has dated in the past. He is not hoping you fulfil his fantasies.

He would rather get to know YOU. He's curious about who you are. He is aware that there will be aspects of you that he likes and dislikes, but you are a package deal. If he wants you, it comes with ALL of you.

It's possible that you haven't been together for long enough if your relationship hasn't fully reached its potential. These traits usually develop over time.

Together, you can proactively work to provide a sense of safety, belonging, and acceptance. Here are a few ways.

1. Safety

By being vulnerable with one another, you can build a sense of safety.

You discover that you can rely on each other to be kind to your heart when you trust each other enough to discuss something really intimate.

You both understand that you won't tell anybody what was said, not even your mother or closest friend. You won't evaluate or psychoanalyze one another. You'll also never use the information shared as a weapon.

2. Belonging

By developing your couple identity, you can build a sense of belonging. What sets you two apart as a couple? Why do you work so well together? What inside jokes do you use that nobody else gets?

Embrace your uniqueness as a relationship. You could give him something to wear to keep him thinking of you, or you could wear something of his. Take up a challenge together. Let the world view you as a solid, strong and unbroken team.

3. Acceptance

Stop making comparisons so that you can develop a sense of acceptance.

You can't help but feel unsatisfied when you compare your connection with that of others or with the dream image of your ideal relationship that exists in your imagination.

When you compare your guy with your ex-boyfriend or the man you hoped he would be, you will feel more unsatisfied.

The pressure increases when you begin to compare yourself with HIS ex-girlfriends. You must be better than what they were.

Comparing things prevents acceptance.

We concentrate on what's lacking or flawed rather than appreciating what we already have.

So stop listening to the thoughts in your brain that tell you to compete for someone's affection and be the greatest.

Your love is a personal, priceless, and precious thing, and as long as it brings you joy, that is all that matters.

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