It was my very first time having actual sex in a club, swingers setting. I was in my mid-forties and just discovering my sexuality through my second marriage. Up until this time, I had been just like many women you know, playing it by the traditional rules set for us as wives and mothers. The initial appeal of my second husband was the authoritative age difference he brought and his support in broadening my sexual horizons. This is the story of my first swinger's experience when I actually did something brave and entirely new.
My first foray into a swingers club would be a field-trip where I could just kinda check it out. Scope it out. My current husband had been in the lifestyle for ten years before we met. He'd told me all about that. I got up the nerve to try it myself after we had been together for about five years. I had a few reasons: our once hot sex life was becoming mundane, and he would be leaving me soon for a period of time. Whatever the reason, I was eager to go check it out for myself.
The first club we went to was in rural Indiana. It felt seedy, kinda dirty, lots of porn, hot tubs you know, a lot of people. I didn't do anything on that outing other than observe.
The second time, we went to a club closer to home. I'm sure a lot of people drive past it all the time, not realizing what it is. Like most clubs, it is undercover and looks like a normal business. On this second occasion, we went to the club with a purpose. This time I personally wanted to do something! I liken it to losing your virginity. I think of a lot of women, like myself, late in high school, that just didn’t want to say "I'm a virgin," anymore. They just want to get over that hump. That's the way it was for me. That's how this was.
My husband at the time was in some legal trouble. He was looking at going away for a little while. So I'm thinking, "it’s now or never”. He'll be gone and now I've gotten used to this great sex life. What am I going to do? I was motivated to get informed quickly and get into a realm where I could work out some of those things.
We got to the club. The very first thing I did was undress. I still describe this to people whenever I get the rare chance to talk about it, as the most freeing thing I've ever done. Taking my clothes off, and being nude or practically nude, in front of a group or any number of people in a stage of undress was like nothing else. It wasn't that no one really noticed, but it wasn't a big deal; here it was the norm. That was an incredible moment for me. I think everyone should do that, at least once in their life, if nothing else. I was an already confident woman, exercises like this one, cranked my confidence even higher!
That was the beginning of it. I got naked. It felt great. No big deal. Once I had reached this state of undress, it felt very comfortable and natural to me. We were walking into the main area, where the bar is and across the dance floor, when we encountered a really attractive young black man. I'm large breasted and used to those getting attention. He's "Oh my god!" and going crazy over them. His name was Sam. So we go to the bar, have a few drinks. We're just kind of talking to people and hanging out. But I'm kind of nervous, thinking, "how's this going to happen?" We weren't really talking to any couples. I just wanted to do something and get over that initial experience.
Well, my husband and I were talking and watching other people mingle around the bar and dance floor when he said: "what do you think about Sam?"
I said, "I don't know." I've never really had that black guy fantasy. They have this reputation for having huge equipment. He was not naked when I first met him. It wasn't my particular fantasy, but it was my husband's. It's a fairly common fantasy for men; seeing their woman with another man. At that time I was doing this for my husband...or at least that's what I told myself. So at his suggestion, I said, "eh, OK!" I just wanted to get it over with. I didn’t share this thought with my husband, it would have ruined the fantasy. He approached Sam, who was all over that idea. "Yeah, yeah, let's do it!"
We went down to the lower level, into a room that was designated for sex. My husband, of course, wanted to watch. So we started. Sam was quite large. He looked to probably be around thirty two years old, compared to my forty-six. I didn't have any problem with his age. But I will say, regardless of what fantasies people have, or how your body is made, or how often you do that kind of thing with people that large... for me, it was not pleasant. I got through it. I was gracious and everything was fine. Sam was very gentle despite his size and he was a very sweet young man. The new “first’ had been accomplished. I spotted for three days. It was really quite uncomfortable. I'm not being judgmental, it’s just not my cup of tea. Every man I have ever been sexual with has asked me if it’s true that women prefer a large cock. I always answered as I still do - it’s not what you have; but more about what you do with it. Size alone doesn’t do it for me. At least not the stereotypical, hung like a horse, man. I've never looked to duplicate that experience again. I try to approach every man I meet as a human being and not stereotype people in general.
After that experience, I continued to go to the club... with another man, after my husband departed for eighteen months to do his time. Initially, we became lovers, then I one evening over a nice dinner our conversation included my telling him about my swinging adventure. There is no way I could have anticipated his reaction. He wanted to go to the club. I was just telling him the story, it had not occurred to me that we would get involved together in the lifestyle. I was completely satisfied with he and I being solo. However, I agreed to go along with making some of his fantasies come to life. It is funny how the swinging thing goes, it is almost like being a vampire. You introduce people to it "are you sure you want to enter?"
He was just nuts about it. He went crazy on it. We did it for about a year while my spouse was away. We met lots of couples. We would even meet couples at lunch time. We were just mixing it up in all kinds of levels. But I can tell you that the swinging experience, was such a dud for me from a woman's position. Especially on the level of good sex. I've never had a true orgasm in a swinging encounter.
Later we got to the point when we were regularly being involved in parties in hotel suites, where you might have 15-20 people. It was usually the same group or a few newbies. Some others were occasionally added in, along the way. I always felt like I was at the bottom of the pile!
One day it occurred to me that I was doing things with people that I would never normally look at twice, or do anything with. So why was I here? So I quit the swinging. My husband got really disenchanted with it. He was twelve years older than I was. He was starting to have problems with performance. He said he was tired of bringing the steak to the party and having cold cuts laid out in front of him. As for being a sexual outlet, that part of it never worked for me. I'm more about the one-on-one connection between people. I'm big on energies and connection.
My lover at that time became not only my friend, but also my husband’s shortly after his return home, and part of the family. He just couldn't get enough of it! My husband never knew the part about our friend and me during his absence. He still doesn’t know to my knowledge, even after our divorce which was now several years ago. That’s a whole different story! I lost interest in my friend/lover eventually because he was so into the lifestyle and I was not, and also because the family and friend situation was getting pretty weird. All of the pizzazz of our first months and one on one encounters had long ago been lost. He would remain in our lives as a friend to us, throughout the last decade of our marriage.
We met a female attorney, who was into the scene and attended one of the hotel parties. We hooked them up and they went at it for a while. She taught law at a university. She had lost her husband a year before, and I thought she was just over medicating her loss with sex. They went at it like crazy for a couple years. But I never got it. I didn't get what was so exciting about it. After three years of this, I almost dreaded news of a party or get together.
To me, the best thing about the swinging scene was freedom. Feeling really free! You also meet a lot of high caliber, interesting and intellectual people there. Myself, I looked forward to the wine, cheese, and conversation.
That was the swinging adventure. It grew step-by-step and I got very comfortable with my new found sexual persona. But as I said, to me, the lifestyle was just not satisfying. After the swinging ended, that was when I got really brave and became a courtesan. There are many aspects to this venue; intellectual and sexual. For me, it was like my own personal, emotional/sexual laboratory of sorts. That's what worked for me, for a few years. This was an incredibly unconventional career move. I know I learned a lot from it, in many ways.
The swinging experience, which lasted three years, was my first step into a decade centered mostly around abundant sexuality and new experiences. All of it propelled me into extreme confidence with my sexuality. Things have changed in the way I view the subject now. I can, though, say that I have no regrets about any of it.
I write more about all this in my book - Giving It Away - Exposing the Fallacy of NSA. Whenever we engage with another human; there will be strings attached... even if only through memory, but usually in ways that you can never possibly imagine.
About the Creator
Author “GIVING IT AWAY” Exploding the Fallacy of NSA Her story includes insights gained from her time spent as a courtesan Her experience provides amazing insight that can encourage all women to see through her eyes.