I had been seeing my favorite client, who I refer to now as 'The Impossible One' for about two years at this point. Things had already gotten over the line as far as the business vs. personal relationship. He was definitely my favorite. I was nuts about him and vice versa. So the lines were already blurred. There was a lot of internal things going on, emotional as well as physical. One of the rules of my business was to not get involved or fall in love with a client. That rule had been broken.
On this afternoon he arrived at my apartment for some late day fun. We shared a drink of Jameson. I always kept that on hand just for him. Sometimes we would get high together. This day we had done both and were feeling very good, especially because we knew what was coming. We made it to the bedroom and began our dance with deep, intense kisses that we both had been craving and anticipating. I had introduced him to light bondage and we would take turns tying each other up and being “in charge”. Sometimes we would use handcuffs too. We always had absolutely fantastic sex. That was one of the reasons he was my favorite! We had the intensity people dream of sharing.
On this day I took charge! Many times I have been told by The Impossible One and other men that my confidence was an incredible turn on for them. I love taking charge. I began by taking my straps and slowly tied his hands onto the headboard of my bed with his complete cooperation. Next, I carefully applied warmed oils to his gorgeous penis, by placing the oil in the palm of my hands and then lightly rubbing it all over the area, from his taint to the head. I teased him by lightly biting and touching every other part of his body until his anticipation had grown proportional to his hard on. Then I slowly mounted him.
He was already there. I was already there. 'There' being the best for both of us; at least in the sexual realm. We enjoyed it fully. I had never squirted in my life or even considered that possibility. I am multi-orgasmic, I don't have any problem with that. But I had not dwelled on the question of the squirt factor being a real phenomenon or not. I know a lot of people question it. A lot of people wonder about it. I found out on this day, that it is very real, indeed!
On this particular day, we were doing everything as we normally would, just having a great session. Having fun. I was on top riding him, this was always my favorite place to be, but today something was different; a new set of sensations; and then suddenly I felt this feeling like no other! The next thing I knew, warm liquid gushed from me washing over everything. This was the most incredible orgasm ever. This was a completely different and new sensation. I will never forget the look on his face. We always had this major eye contact thing going on. When the squirting started, we stared back at each other in amazement, both of our eyes as big as saucers!
I was so excited! I already had thought about him non-stop. This event was like pouring gas on an already ample fire. I wanted to to do it all the time. The feelings between us amplified right along with the over the top sex we had. It turned out that every time, from then on when I was with him, it would happen. Sometimes I would worry when we didn’t see each other for a while, due to travel or spats; that I might have lost my ability to do it. But after all my worry, it still never failed. He was so turned on by knowing he had the power to do that to me. I used to try to describe the intensity of our relationship to a friend of mine, she had especially questioned our relationship. Saying "it's never going to work," "He's not good," or "He's not the right one for you."
I would explain to her that we could almost just be in the same room together, completely clothed, and I would feel that special switch activate. I've never been able to do it the same, with anyone else. Some of it, I thought was perhaps due to the shape of his penis. It kind of tilted towards me. It curved up, just the right amount. But, myself, I also believed a lot of it was the connection between us. I am a person who seeks depth and intensity in all of my personal relationships. We had an incredibly deep connection and an undeniable sexual desire for one another.
I have since then, squirted a few times. But never like I had with him. That was probably one of the hardest things to give up in the relationship... the squirting! The day that this initially happened... I was still married to another man. So things could get a little tricky. My husband knew what I was doing though, with my clients. It was his idea initially. So there was no secrecy there. However, within that realm, you still have a marital relationship and a deep bond, when you've been married for twelve years. That’s another novel in itself, the last marriage. I don’t know how he coped with all of it, really, especially my feelings for The Impossible One, which couldn’t be hidden.
I was so excited that day, I was completely unable to hide it. When my spouse returned home I was jumping off the moon telling him, "I squirted! I squirted! I squirted!", while I stripped the sopping wet bedsheets off. I don't know what he thought, but I'm sure he wasn't so excited about it. The funny thing was, whatever man I shared that information with in the future, seemed to then be on their own individual mission to get me to squirt. My husband was no exception to that. He tried and tried but we had already reached a point in our marriage that had me completely shutting down with him. So, I found his efforts annoying. It doesn't happen that easily for me... I'd like to be able to do it myself, for myself... But I haven't been able to figure that out yet either. That may sound kind of ridiculous, but I keep working on it.
Many people think squirting is like urine or peeing, but it is not. It comes from a completely different place. There seems to be one special area on a woman. One particular area, maybe different on different women. Something special that needs to be pushed the right way. I certainly don't have any control over it. I wish I could do it more often. We would know when it was going to happen and we would do the same things to make it happen. He got to where he could make it happen using his hand, or his penis. I've had other people want me to squirt on their face, or just do it anyway at all. I just can't seem to do this. It is quite aggravating. I envy those girls I've seen in movies who sit around and do it on command .I'd love to get there, but I haven't gotten there yet!
You do wonder when you first start doing it if it is urine. But it is not! I've also heard it referred to as pineapple juice. It is more of a hip-hop term, If you ever hear someone mention pineapple juice, that's what they're talking about.
As a woman, I know there are some women who know very little about their bodies, and how it works. I know a more than most. But still, it’s almost like this magic lock and not just anybody has the key. So it is really kind of annoying when a man is just trying to aggressively get to every internal spot inside of me, likes he’s on a mission. That’s not sexy or even remotely enjoyable at all. But there is nothing else like it when it happens! It has to be really spontaneous, to be fully enjoyed.
I'd been seeing The Impossible One for two years as a client, He became even more generous, and would leave a thousand dollars during that time for a long afternoon visit. We started seeing each other during the Summer of 2012, by February of 2013, things started changing. He started getting into my personal, real life. I had an art show, an art exhibit going on at the time. He was genuinely interested in seeing my art, and requested a viewing of the exhibit. He had been an artist himself when he was in high school, and also served on the board of a very big art establishment locally; so that was a shared interest between us. In September of that year, about a year after we'd begun seeing each other, my husband and I were getting ready to take a vacation together. The night before we were to leave, The Impossible One sent me a text message, stating that he wanted my exclusivity, that he didn’t want to share.
I went along with that as best as I could. However, I was not, could not be entirely exclusive to him. This was a difficult spot for me. I would have loved to have been able to be exclusive. However, I already had to try to cover my feelings for him as much as possible and I had to keep the appearance that nothing had changed in the business aspect because of my husband’s watchful eye. It was all very complicated. To see only him as a client was impossible at this time. He knew that I had sex with my husband to some extent. My sex life with him had been going down the drain since I had gotten into the business. And that just got worse between me and my husband. But this man, he wanted my exclusivity. If I needed anything from him, I could always call him and count on his help. My problem was that I didn't like to ask for anything, and still don’t. I didn't ever abuse that. Well, I did somewhat, out of anger mostly, at the very end, nearly four years later after the final break up.
When it ended, I had been living with him for fifteen months. During that time I worked on art projects but made little money. He had given me a credit card in the beginning and told me to get what I needed on that. In the beginning, he would give me cash too. I wasn’t sure of what he expected of me. I do know that I couldn’t have held a “regular” job and be available to him for travel, etc...I cooked, cleaned and remained available, and had no idea what real role I played in his life. He would wince when I once said to him that I didn’t know if I was his whore or his girlfriend. In the last several months he would begin withholding money and sex. I also came to recognize that he managed most relationships in his life through his money.
The first time I saw him, I thought he was a great guy, a good quality client. Pat myself on the back. He was very much the demographic I sought. When he came back three days later, I knew that he had also figured that he had found something that he had really liked! From that point on, we saw each other about every ten days. He traveled a lot. He was married. He had a family. He had lots of activities. He had told me that he had other business interactions like this in the past. He was not naive. So we got to where, aside from coming to my apartment, he would come to my art studio. He'd leave a football game and come over there to steal some time. So things started to get a little out of bounds. I started traveling with him some. We'd go to different cities for a weekend, or for a few days. He liked living a safe life and at the same time playing with fire; with me.
We also had a lot of fun tying each other up. Taking turns who would tie the other up. Lots of games. Blindfolds. He was the first person I ever wore a blindfold with during sex. If anyone hasn't done that, I highly recommend that. I liken it to Space Mountain, in Florida. All my life, I could ride lots of amusement park rides. I can do loop-de-loops, but I cannot do roller coasters. It is the clanking as you climb those hills, the sense of dread, the suspense of the climb. I could see the top coming, I couldn't take it! But during a senior trip in high school, I visited Space Mountain, I could do that all day because I couldn't see the hills! It didn't seem so bad. So, Sex with a blindfold was an incredible sensation of not seeing, and just feeling. That’s the only way I can describe it.
We'd do our little games, our usual. We both knew, as soon as I got on top of him and started riding, that the sensation of it coming, it was going to happen! It was like clockwork. It was heaven on earth. My biggest regret is that I haven't been able to do that with anyone else, or haven't been able to yet. It is so hard to describe, the excitement of that and being able to do it over and over again.
Things started blurring pretty quickly. He was one of those strong silent types. He doesn't give much information, especially about his feelings. I felt like I was always trying to translate a silent language. That never changed over the years. The communication that I needed was never there. He stifled my communication because I could never feel secure or emotionally safe with him. So I wasn’t open and honest with him either.
But that connection of the sexuality, what it did for him and me! I hope he is never able to top it. It was, wow, undeniable! He was good looking, about 6' 3". Very in shape, very body conscious. He weighed about 250 pounds. He was an incessant golfer. He worked out every day. Never smoked, super clean, Irish Catholic, the oldest of four sons. He was the guy that I thought had it all together! He had all the answers. He had made his fortune through hard work and had a great career. Everything, from the outside, looked like my fairy tale come true! Now I call him my “all that glitters is not gold’ lesson. He isn’t perfect after all. I’m certainly not saying that I am either. We all have our stuff to deal with.
Every woman thinks that there is some special man out there, that is going to ride up on his white horse and change her life; make it perfect "this one's great, this is the one!" I don’t believe in fairy tales endings anymore. I learned a lot about myself. He is not a bad person. He just doesn’t like himself enough in my opinion, or love himself. At times he would describe himself, saying “I'm not a good guy” and "men are pigs." I get that he was feeling guilty. I think these words were about his guilt and mixed emotions that he was dealing with. Fifteen months before the end of it all he told me that he wanted to have a “real” relationship with me, and that he realized he was in love with me. I had been separated from my spouse for over a year, and his wife had just given him his walking papers. In the future, I would tell him that I felt he had used me as his security blanket to get through this time.
He thought we were both damaged goods. He included me into that mindset. I didn’t see it that way. We had a lot to build on, but there were still problems there. He had a lot of things to deal with on a personal level. So did I. The communication wasn't great. I still had a fair amount of secrets, and still do. I'd like to be in a relationship with someone that I can be completely honest with. I haven’t met too many men who can handle all of my truth. He told me he was afraid of me! He said I was way too strong for him. I think he needed someone he didn't worry about, Someone he wasn't jealous of. I think that when he told me he was in love with me and wanted to have a relationship with me, it was more of a comfort zone for him. Then once when we were living together he said that he was the problem because he realized he didn't know what he wanted. That translated to me that "well you must not want me if you don't know what you want."
A man who has been married thirty-three years and is just now becoming single again? I get it! They don't want to get back into a serious, exclusive relationship. At the same time I knew that even though he had been married all those years, he also had been playing around his entire life. I had been in the business a few years, was twice divorced and wanted a steady but exciting partner to build a meaningful relationship with... I learned the hard way that the past we shared, and how we met, worked against us from the start. I thought we could just be happy together, move forward and have this great time together. In my view, we had it all. When I look back at it now, I see that it was an accident waiting to happen.
Apparently, he really did want to live alone and continue sowing his oats. He also denied this.I had hoped it would have been different than that. But it wasn't. It really wasn't good for me. It was very emotional. He always had me not knowing who I was to him. That was the problem. I can only remember the good times. During the early days when we were just falling in love with each other, I remember wondering to myself if I should wish for more; because those early days may just be the best of what we had together. I can now say that they were. However, I had to know what more we could possibly have together. At the end of it all, I learned a lot. He was the best playmate but not mate. We both screwed it up when we thought we could take it to another level. Now I know that, so no regrets. I learned a lot from our time together and the way it played out.
When we hadn't seen each other in a few weeks, there would just be massive amounts of liquid. And then other times, like when we were living together, I would worry that I wouldn't be able to do it. That never happened.It still just flowed and flowed and flowed! It was the connection or our physical bodies that just matched perfectly. Since I'm a believer in all kinds of unseen things, it was just that special kind of energy. However it happened it was incredible.
The sex... I don't know if I'll ever top that. That was the hardest part of letting go. He was a very attractive guy on the surface. Overall, I realized he was a pretty insecure guy that also had a lot of guilt. A few times he would make reference to his being a narcissist. People tell you who they are, we just need to listen. He was living for an image. He'd been doing that for years. He couldn't even tell his adult children that he was dating, let alone living with someone. Even though I had been out of the business for a few years at this point, In or out of the business; I was not someone that you would meet and have any thoughts like that. No one would have ever guessed of my past secret life anyway. He also denied that this was an issue for him. None of this mattered. I was still kept as his secret.
Another problem was that I represented the past and all the problems with that. He just needed to get away from it. Oh well, live and learn and love. I may have never found my squirt without him and for that, I must remain in gratitude. It’s not easy for a man to have a real relationship with a woman like me; apparently, they can’t stop thinking about and trying to live up to some idea they have in their mind. I think I am a pretty simple girl, perhaps not.
I hope the story of my fortunate discovery will answer any doubts you may have had about the reality of squirting. Hopefully, this story can open the conversations between women about this topic and so many others! It’s true. Knowledge is power. Good luck and I hope you find your squirt if you haven’t already!
About the Creator
Author “GIVING IT AWAY” Exploding the Fallacy of NSA Her story includes insights gained from her time spent as a courtesan Her experience provides amazing insight that can encourage all women to see through her eyes.