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My Secret Vegetarian Darkside That I Can’t Give Up

Look away now to avoid corruption

By The Dani WriterPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 3 min read
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My Secret Vegetarian Darkside That I Can’t Give Up
Photo by Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash

Warning: A gif image in this story may affect photosensitive readers.

***

It all started with my son delivering a zucchini from my next-door neighbor that around these parts they call a courgette (and here is where I’ll hit the pause button.)

Did you ever get a churning conniving sensation of non-existent body parts rubbing themselves together with glee from the anticipation of a foodie conversion?

Well…

I get it.

Totally random 'out-of-the-blue-comes-at-you-whaaaaa' kinda question.

But after years of being blind-spotted by the glaringly obvious, I’ve had to admit something recently to myself.

My freaky inner vegetarian badass has a thing for getting people hooked on my favorite meatless staples.

What’s more, I practically salivate when someone says something along the lines of “I despise _______with a passion,” and “I hate ______,” or “_______ is disgusting," when I just so happen to have a recipe that I know can totally flip that on its head.

(Un-pause.)

To be graphic, that gifted zucchini was HUGE! Behemoth-sized. Like, seriously the fattest thickest zucchini I had ever seen up close in my life.

Photo by Figen Kokol on Pexels

I had plans.

I couldn’t wait to slice up that bad boy!

I strolled across to thank the next-door neighbor.

“I hate courgettes,” said next-door neighbor. “My husband keeps bringing them home from the community garden allotment. I wish he’d stop. I can’t eat ‘em.”

“You’ve probably never had zucchini chips,” I say. “When I make some, I’ll bring them for you to try.”

(Pause.)

I gave up on the chips discrepancy eons ago. For Brits, chips are large, chunky rough-cut potato ‘fries,’ but for me, chips are…well, chips! A time-honored snack you eat out of a bag which here get called ‘crisps.’

I still call eggplant an eggplant and not an aubergine. And they’re still pickles and not gherkins when selecting my salad. It's still ketchup and not tomato sauce.

But my indignation did raise a bit when only this year I found out that haricot beans (which I avoided like the plague) were actually my beloved navy bean.

All my missing bean pie life!!!

But zucchini chips (never zucchini crisps) were a serendipitous find with a touch of destiny. A simple online recipe with oil, salt, pepper, garlic, and cheese (of course I use non-dairy.) I like mine a bit crisp to burnt (or maybe that’s my oven default setting…) but to ensure success, I gathered a crispy texture range for my sweetie-pie neighbor and her husband to sample, thus ensuring increased success.

The moment of reckoning.

I brought a small porcelain dessert bowl full (just in case they didn’t like them.) The family dog sat off in the corner with no interest whatsoever while I waited the few precious seconds for taste bud receptors in both mouths to kick in with the full flavor.

This couple had previously tried buying vegetable chips and hated them. Had given up. Saw no hope for a healthy alternative.

Within seconds their reaction became clear.

I don’t think I will be getting any more free mega-girt zucchini.

Truly, I don’t mind.

I was asked why hadn’t I made a bigger bowl?

Were they hard to make?

What ingredients were needed?

Where could they find the recipe?

It. Was. Rapturous!

By DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

Inside, I played it off all cool while neurotransmitters in my body were screaming “YESSSSSSSSSS!” and running butt-naked for the hills.

I've reflected on that part of me that gains such pleasure, thrives on those moments. There’s nothing wrong with getting people hooked on healthy foods. And everyone has flaws. Mine involved internal joyriding when they brought pen and paper days later, ready to make a grocery store run for zucchini chip ingredients.

I conclude that I’m not a sneaky, defective vegetarian preying on carnivorous vulnerabilities.

I’m a rebel badass vegetarian covering my eyes and ears while leaving you the same recipe.

*Maniacal laugh*

Thank you so much for reading my story! Your support means a great deal to me. It would be immensely supportive of you to read more of my work below.

If you enjoyed this or any of my other stories, feel free to like, subscribe, tip, pledge, and/or share with friends and social media sites. If you wish to promote in other forums, you can secure permission @thedaniwriter

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About the Creator

The Dani Writer

Explores words to create worlds with poetry, nonfiction, and fiction. Writes content that permeates then revises and edits the heck out of it. Interests: Freelance, consultations, networking, rulebook-ripping. UK-based

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Comments (11)

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  • Donna Renee11 months ago

    Yummm. I love everything zucchini! I’m currently letting the dough rise enough to make my famous (to me only lol) zucchini topped olive oil and garlic sauce pizza! Nothing fancy but soooooo good! Especially if you dip it in zesty Italian dressing. Have you made kale chips as well? That’s one recipe I particularly love to spring on my non-vegetarian friends! 🤣😁

  • J. S. Wade2 years ago

    Yum. Forget the recipe. When’s the party? ❤️

  • KJ Aartila2 years ago

    Thank you! Can't wait to try it - my family is still;ll a bit skeptical of my "veggie" side, too, but flavorful recipes often go over well! The only thing I was really turned off by in this article was the Beverly flashing stick-guy gif - not cool - but love the entertaining style you have written. 💕

  • Lightning Bolt2 years ago

    ❤️❤️❤️‼️

  • Jonathan Townend2 years ago

    Hilarious piece indeed! I loved your descriptions of the foods!

  • Funny story!!! Loved it!

  • Ooooo I love zucchini but I've not tried it as chips before. Really eager to do so!

  • Mariann Carroll2 years ago

    Very entertaining story , it was like going to a firework show 🥰

  • Heather Hubler2 years ago

    Your stories always make me smile! I love zucchini, and now I want to try your chips ;)

  • Babs Iverson2 years ago

    Yesssssss!!! Love zuchinni and love your story💖😊💕

  • Cathy holmes2 years ago

    Haha. Love this story. Not sure about the zucchini chips though. lol

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