Mmmm, Eggs Benny 😋

Ever heard that "mleh mleh mleh hollandaise is harrrrdddd wahhh". Shut up, you babies. Getting the sauce right is not actually that tricky ***if you have a blender***. If you don't have a blender, fine, I yield, give up, go and buy it in a packet like the other losers.

Timing is crucial with this sucker - that way you get beautiful runny yolks and thick, warm sauce 😋 So I'm going to walk you through it step by step so that (hopefully) it all comes together at the end .

Here we go...

For the hollandaise:

• about 100g of butter (that's about half a cup, no idea about "sticks")
• blob of good mustard (I used dijon)
• pinch of salt
• pinch of cayenne
• squeeze of lemon juice (eyeball it, about a tablespoon)
• 3 egg yolks (I know, crazy right? Have some egg on your egg!)

This is embarrassingly easy:

1. Just blend everything together except the butter.
2. Melt that and pour it in slowly while it's still hot - still blitzing the absolute crap out of the yok mixture.

... and you're done. That is, as far as the sauce goes. The trick is getting it ready juuuuust as your eggs are done and the toast is still warm, and your tea (or coffee, if you're a peasant) is still hot. And poaching eggs is an art all itself.

Serving

I like to serve mine on English muffins, on top of thick rashers of smoked bacon and maybe a bit of rocket, but you could just do it on toast... I guess.

Notes

• I've used Unsplash for this because I suck so hard at food photography.
• I like to garnish with chives (I garnish everything with chives.)
• Alternative - you can sprinkle the pinch of cayenne on at the end instead.
• The eggs for poaching need to be redonkulously fresh.
• Don't waste that egg white! Use it for meringue 😁

Bacon

If you're doing bacon, start that first. Bacon needs low and slow, in my opinion, so the fat renders down and it gets just the right amount of colour and crispiness. A nice big pan, (cold, don't be crazy), smallest ring, lowest setting. Whack your bacon in there, put a lid on it and forget about it for a hot minute. Speaking of bacon, what I call bacon might not be what you call bacon. You might call it ham or something. Actually, a good quality ham also works pretty well.

Or, if you want to be really decadent, you could use salmon (pictured).

Tea

If you don't have a kettle, put a pan of water on the stove and wait four hundred years. Put some coffee in a grinder with some microwaved wateror something, I don't bloody know.

Muffins

Breakfast ones, not cake ones. Slice them up, get them ready to go in the toaster. You can toast them now, or you can hold fire with it so they're still warm. But if you're making for more than one person, yes, start them now 👍

Hollandaise

Separate the yolks and them in the blender/jug with all the other ingredients except the butter. Whizz. Measure out the butter, cut it into cubes and put it in the microwave ready to be melted. Waiiiiit.

Eggs

That water boiling? Good. Salt and vinegar in the pan with it - salt to lower the boiling temperature and vinegar to help the egg whites coalesce (only need about a teaspoon).

Important: Pop the thingy down on the toaster if you haven't already and then put the eggs in the water.

There's a knack to this. It's more an art than a science. Think this guy:

I put the eggs in a cup first and pour them in gently to help them hold their shape. I like to poach reeeeally gently for 3 minutes. By the time the muffins are done, toasted, buttered and topped, the eggs should be just done.

How's that bacon looking, champ?

Sauce

Right as you're about to lift the eggs out and place them gently - reverently, even - on their toasty beds, start the microwave for one minute. The butter needs to be melted and hot.

Eggs, nestled, you can finish the sauce, drizzle it over the eggs, and then for the second best bit... Put a knife through the egg and let it ooze.

Have you ever seen a more voluptuous breakfast? Hot damn, it's like sex on a plate.

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Thank you for reading! If you like recipes that are extremely easy, try this one: