Mmmm, Eggs Benny ๐
Includes recipe for hollandaise sauce, which I put pretty much at the top because I'm not a psychopath.
Ever heard that "mleh mleh mleh hollandaise is harrrrdddd wahhh". Shut up, you babies. Getting the sauce right is not actually that tricky ***if you have a blender***. If you don't have a blender, fine, I yield, give up, go and buy it in a packet like the other losers.
Timing is crucial with this sucker - that way you get beautiful runny yolks and thick, warm sauce ๐ So I'm going to walk you through it step by step so that (hopefully) it all comes together at the end .
Here we go...
For the hollandaise:
- about 100g of butter (that's about half a cup, no idea about "sticks")
- blob of good mustard (I used dijon)
- pinch of salt
- pinch of cayenne
- squeeze of lemon juice (eyeball it, about a tablespoon)
- 3 egg yolks (I know, crazy right? Have some egg on your egg!)
This is embarrassingly easy:
- Just blend everything together except the butter.
- Melt that and pour it in slowly while it's still hot - still blitzing the absolute crap out of the yok mixture.
... and you're done. That is, as far as the sauce goes. The trick is getting it ready juuuuust as your eggs are done and the toast is still warm, and your tea (or coffee, if you're a peasant) is still hot. And poaching eggs is an art all itself.
Serving
I like to serve mine on English muffins, on top of thick rashers of smoked bacon and maybe a bit of rocket, but you could just do it on toast... I guess.
Notes
- I've used Unsplash for this because I suck so hard at food photography.
- I like to garnish with chives (I garnish everything with chives.)
- Alternative - you can sprinkle the pinch of cayenne on at the end instead.
- The eggs for poaching need to be redonkulously fresh.
- Don't waste that egg white! Use it for meringue ๐
Bacon
If you're doing bacon, start that first. Bacon needs low and slow, in my opinion, so the fat renders down and it gets just the right amount of colour and crispiness. A nice big pan, (cold, don't be crazy), smallest ring, lowest setting. Whack your bacon in there, put a lid on it and forget about it for a hot minute. Speaking of bacon, what I call bacon might not be what you call bacon. You might call it ham or something. Actually, a good quality ham also works pretty well.
Or, if you want to be really decadent, you could use salmon (pictured).
Tea
If you don't have a kettle, put a pan of water on the stove and wait four hundred years. Put some coffee in a grinder with some microwaved wateror something, I don't bloody know.
Muffins
Breakfast ones, not cake ones. Slice them up, get them ready to go in the toaster. You can toast them now, or you can hold fire with it so they're still warm. But if you're making for more than one person, yes, start them now ๐
Hollandaise
Separate the yolks and them in the blender/jug with all the other ingredients except the butter. Whizz. Measure out the butter, cut it into cubes and put it in the microwave ready to be melted. Waiiiiit.
Eggs
That water boiling? Good. Salt and vinegar in the pan with it - salt to lower the boiling temperature and vinegar to help the egg whites coalesce (only need about a teaspoon).
Important: Pop the thingy down on the toaster if you haven't already and then put the eggs in the water.
There's a knack to this. It's more an art than a science. Think this guy:
I put the eggs in a cup first and pour them in gently to help them hold their shape. I like to poach reeeeally gently for 3 minutes. By the time the muffins are done, toasted, buttered and topped, the eggs should be just done.
How's that bacon looking, champ?
Sauce
Right as you're about to lift the eggs out and place them gently - reverently, even - on their toasty beds, start the microwave for one minute. The butter needs to be melted and hot.
Eggs, nestled, you can finish the sauce, drizzle it over the eggs, and then for the second best bit... Put a knife through the egg and let it ooze.
Have you ever seen a more voluptuous breakfast? Hot damn, it's like sex on a plate.
+++++++
Thank you for reading! If you like recipes that are extremely easy, try this one:
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Comments (21)
Eggs Benny with a side of sarcasm. Love it!
I second Kristenโs suggestion- write a cookbook. This is fucking genius. The photo of Indiana Jones made me laugh. Thatโs exactly what itโs like. Eggs Benny is my fav, I mentioned it in Cluck and Sizzle. When eggs were $7 a dozen I had to cut back, lol.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ok, L.C., you need to write a cookbook STAT! I'd buy that up faster than it could hit the shelves. lol! Thanks for this! Never attempted it, but I'm going to now. And really needed that laugh!
This is the second time you've called me a peasant and I'm starting to believe it ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ Four hundred years, lol! God I love your sarcasm!
You definitely made them sound tasty! Great work!
I wish I could have this. It sounds delicious but I can't have a lot of carbs. So, no bread of any kind. โน๏ธ
I love the Vocal users who are authentic in voice. I think though I will stick to Hollandaise packs lol. I suck at cooking
I love your authoritative style in describing this recipe. You are obviously the boss when cooking!!! Great job!!!
Iโm trying this recipient. I love eggs and this looks delicious!
๐คค Must come back to this!! โบ๏ธ
Yummy ๐๐๐
This peasant loves eggs benny. But I also drink instant coffee. With hazelnut flavor. So, yโknow, I might just be a whore. On a plate? ๐
First, this looks and sounds delish! I love your cooking style and the funny way you describe it! I also love your use of the Indiana Jones photo to illustrate poaching eggs ๐คฃ
No blender in the Deeming house. Damn.
More humour than the average food article, finally something with a bit of taste! Well done - a very good read!
I love this! Hilarious, and delicious. Iโve never been brave enough to try this at homeโฆI reserve it for breakfast or brunch out. But it seems way cheaper this wayโฆhmmm. ๐๐
A bloody good benny ๐คฃ These are among my favorite breakfasts. We do it a bunch of ways here, one of my favorites is the poached egg and sauce over corned beef hash over an American biscuit.
wow, it looks delicious! I didn't know this recipe
Great recipe, thanks for sharing and love the images
I love a good benny! Thanks for the recipe.
this is the perfect benny recipe.