Toxic Relationships: The Most Addictive Drug

As human beings it is in our nature to connect. We all crave connection and went through a period in our lives when we went without it. For most of us it started during our childhoods, coming from a household with an inconsistent caregiver. The inconsistency of this connection leaves a hole in our hearts and an emptiness that compels us to look for connection elsewhere. That elsewhere often comes in the form of unhealthy attachments like drinking and drug usage, but who would’ve ever guest that the most addictive drug came in the form of people? The most addictive drug is a toxic relationship.

How do we become addicted to people? We become addicted to friends, lovers, whoever they may be by connecting with them through whatever medium of life crosses our path whether it be school, work, church, etc. Then we form a relationship with the person. Given enough time this relationship will deepened and whether they be a friend or a lover, we pretty much become inseparable. Most of these relationships start off relatively harmless and even blossom into something beautiful, but once the honeymoon phase ends and reality sets in the turmoil of toxicity begins.

A toxic relationship presents itself in many ways. Of course there’s the typical always arguing and bickering back and forth, but that’s a given in any relationship right? The issue here is when the bickering is serious and repetitive, especially in a way that may get physical. When the changes in this situation worsen, that there is a sign of toxicity. A more obvious example is abuse and infidelity. Anyone that harms or betrays you is not walking in healthy love and neither are you if you allow yourself to deal with such. When someone treats you in a way that suggest they undervalue you then that is a sign of toxicity.

A toxic relationship doesn’t need much of an explanation, we’re all very familiar with them, by why are we so addicted to them? Because the emptiness we feel inside has convinced our mindset that we need these attachments no matter how toxic they are. If someone comes from a history of neglect and abandonment then their heart desperately yearns for connection and the desire to not be alone. Even when this means being tied down to the wrong person we just figure it’s better to be mixed up with the wrong person than to have no one at all.

Everyone wants to be wanted and many toxic relationships start off seemingly healthy enough in which you have a friend or significant other who provides as such. Because of this notion it’s hard to let the relationship with said person go. Even with all the bad taking place from within, all we can think about is how good things were once upon a time and our inability to take off the rose colored glasses of the past keep us trapped in the purgatory of an unhealthy relationship, constantly chasing a high that no longer exist.

Just as the other person is fueling all the painful feelings we harbor on a regular basis, we still crave them ravenously. We can’t live with them, but our mind tells us that it would be even worse to live without them. This toxic relationship is a drug that gives us a hit of dopamine every once in a while that has us floating on cloud nine, but the other 99% of the time chasing that hit and staying handcuffed to its source is a loop of pain and misery that tells us the struggle is a means to an end. It promises forever, but it never delivers. As the addiction of toxic relationships consumes us we take refuge in lesser sources of addiction like drinking, illicit drugs and sexual immorality, further deepening the pain that associated with our toxic attachment.

How do we beat the seemingly all powerful addiction of a toxic relationship? The answer exist, but it is far from simple. The most important factor in beating this addiction is learning to love yourself. Most unhealthy attachments stem from not having a healthy attachment with the self. When you learn to love yourself properly you’ll understand your worth and in time you’ll learn that you are bigger than that drug of a relationship that tried to consume.

It’s important to be gentle with yourself and be forgiving of that person in the mirror. You may have been lost because of you’re addiction, but you are a human being who is not perfect. Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move forward. It’s also important to be understanding and forgiving of others. A toxic reliant always about a being a bad person, something’s it’s just about two people being bad for each other, even if they both are good people. Forgive those who wronged you and be mindful that they themselves have some unresolved hurt as well.

Furthermore if you know someone in an unhealthy relationship don’t bash them for being lost in their addiction. Instead of condemning, why not try helping them? No one needs to be bashed for their imperfect attachment, they need patience and love, those are great incentives for change. Learn from your mistakes, Love yourself, know your worth, give grace to others and we can beat this evil addiction known as a toxic relationship.