Friendship Breakups

Friendship breakups, do you think they are easier or harder to deal with than romantic breakups? I feel like this topic is rarely discussed, and since I just recently went through one of a friend of 25 years I wanted to weigh in on the topic. In our society we put so much emphasis on how hard romantic relationships are to maintain, and how hard they are to get over. In my opinion friendships are just the same if not harder to maintain and get over.

Many of us that start our friendships back in elementary school, or even high-school we tend to try to maintain them once school ends. What we don't realize is we are going from seeing each other everyday, and spending summers together, talking about going to the same college to being smacked in the face once we graduate high school. For me I was fortunate that most of my friends including my friend of 25 years stayed close after we graduated. For awhile we were all on the same path, hanging out and partying. But you're never quite prepared for when life takes over.

At one point almost all of my friends got into serious relationships, and I was still single. Then I got into a serious relationship and we all kind of went our separate way's. I think when you're busy with life it can be easy to not notice friendships changing, or slipping away. I also feel that there is some level of comfort in remaining friends with those who have known you through so many phases of your life. There are defiantly friends that grow in life together and make it through all odds, and I really thought me and my friend of 25 years would, we always had. But the truth of the matter was, our lives had went in two totally different directions, and that on top of hurt and pain it was never going to be the same.

After going through both a romantic breakup and friendship breakup all within this one year, I am here to say they both hurt about the same but in extremely different ways. I think the part for me that hurt worse in the friendship situation was I never thought that it would happen. Also when i reached out to her to try to fix things the response I received was not only hurtful but basically extending that should I ever need to talk she would always be there. As appreciative as I was for that, it almost hurt me more because it made me realize that she went from being the person that I could always go to, to someone that if I REALLY needed her I could reach out.

I think the other hardest part is going from best friends to complete strangers now. Not knowing what is going on in her life, but seeing her posts on the one last account we followed each other on. Just the other day I finally took her off that account. I felt like it was the final tie that I needed to cut for myself. As silly as it sounds it felt even more of a permanent ending to our friendship. It took me over a year to truly accept things, and for them not to hurt as much. But there are still days, or moments when I see something that reminds me of her that will hurt. I also will almost send her whatever it is that reminded me of her, it still takes me a minute to remember not too.

Lastly there is accepting my role in the demise of the friendship, while we both played one, it hurts me to hear the ways in which I hurt her. As the saying goes hurt people hurt people, and instead of accepting her apology and trying to repair the friendship I continued to live in my hurt. I didn't even realize it much at the time until she mentioned it. I think I was just tired of everyone around me hurting me that I just gave up on everyone. Lost myself in the darkness of depression, and it has cost me everything.

At the same time though all of this has taught me a lot, and while I might not be able to repair our friendship I can reflect and be thankful for all the times we had. I can be more self aware to not allow this to happen in the future, but should it I can correct my actions and repair it. I believe everything happens for a reason even if we can't see it at the time.