Thank you for not choosing me

"Thank you for not fighting for me the way I fought for you. You taught me that fighting for things that are not meant for me is nothing but a waste of time and energy."

If you would have told me when I first met you in 2022 that I would have found a blessing in not being chosen by you I would have never believed it. You have such away with words that you had me convinced you'd choose me in any situation always. But words are easy, especially for you. So poetic, so beautiful, something out of a romance novel. You fell short at actions, which I always fail to see in any relationship. The difference with you was, we not only got along so well but you were the first guy I trusted enough to fall in love with after many years of being single.

Then like most relationships I have been in you woke up and chose someone else over me, and I was devastated at the time. But the universe was really protecting me. The universe saw and heard things I couldn't. Lately it seems like every day something new is brought to my attention somehow. While it once hurt me to hear, it now is healing me. Its bridging the gaps of all the lies you told, and sadly I wasn't the only one that received those lies. For months and months I begged for you to chose me, I thought I was winning a prize by you choosing me over everyone else. What I needed to realize was that I am a prize, just not your prize. Accepting that now as time goes on is getting easier thankfully.

I do sit an wonder though how you lay your head down at night knowing the pain you've caused me, and many others. But I realize that karma will make its rounds, and I will wait patiently for that. I also sit and look at the life you promised, versus the life you are actually living, and I realize what my life would have truly looked like. That in and of itself makes me eternally grateful. The life we would have lived would have been one I lived with my ex on a much grander scale. You would have continued to destroy me further, probably in ways I couldn't even imagine. Thank you for not choosing me.

I do however want to thank the universe for both our worlds colliding. For a time we were happy, and happiness is few and far between these days for me. You gave me a practice run, and prepared me for my next true relationship. I sore after this first started that I never wanted to love again, but now somehow I do more than ever. Because of all of this you've began to bring me back to the softer version of myself, slowly mind you, but slow and steady wins the race so I hear. I learned to stop expecting everyone that I fall in love with is the one that stays forever. Something I really needed to learn.

Lastly you started me on the true path I needed too. Before we ever crossed paths I had began writing my book series. I was, at the time, basing it off a couple of my relationships in the past. Then once I met you it brought on the idea of writing about my past that led me to you. When we didn't work out this last time that situation led me back to my high school sweetheart. That is when it all began to make since, and now I feel like all the pieces have fallen into place for me to begin truly writing this series.

So again I thank you, for not chosing me.