Dealing with "only child syndrome"

The only child stereotype

Currently, there still exists a bias against only children when many people believe that a child who grows up without siblings will lack social skills, be self-centered, and be isolated, spoiled, and isolated. single. There is currently no scientific evidence to show that being an only child affects a person's personality, behavior or happiness.

According to Dr. Susan Newman, a psychologist in New York (USA) and author of the book "Parenting an Only Child", negative perceptions such as: only children are often narcissistic and antisocial - have long existed. has been opposed. But this concept is deeply ingrained in the thinking of many people.

The biggest challenge for parents with one child is the first years of life, when most of the time at home is just parents and child. Children can play all day with their parents, but that is not the same as the experience of playing with many other children. However, playing alone can make a child more creative.

Parents with one child often have more time, energy and patience to listen to their children because they aren't being pulled in multiple directions or constantly having to resolve disputes between their children, Newman said.

An only child is often thought to exist in a "lonely bubble" but in reality, he or she has a social life outside the family and is part of many concentric circles, including extended family, classmates same school, friends, neighbors and community.

According to Ms. Newman, an only child receives absolute attention from her parents, creating a special bond between child and parent, including trust and transparency. The absence of parental favoritism and sibling rivalry do not harm the child's self-esteem.

The case of an only child is also said to have an academic advantage because all of the parents' resources are devoted to the child.

An only child is aware that he has everything and does not have to share his parents' love, care, or toys with others. But sometimes, it can also be a challenge when the individual child has nowhere to hide and no one else to blame for everything. And the responsibility of taking care of parents when they grow old cannot be shared with anyone.

How to raise an only child

Dr. Susan Newman, if you have one child, parents should create conditions for social integration for their children early and often. Playgrounds, preschools, classes or clubs will help children develop social skills that people previously thought only siblings had.

Second is to promote your child's friendships. Close friends can become substitutes for siblings and be there for children when needed. Involving your child in team sports or group extracurricular activities like band also helps them realize they are not always the center of attention.

Act as if you have a large family, dividing up chores and setting clear boundaries and responsibilities. Try not to let your child feel like he is the center, he should not have the belief that he is running the family. Parents also should not say "yes" to every wish and whim of their children.

This only encourages a sense of entitlement in your child. In particular, do not think that you have to be a perfect parent or set too high expectations, demanding that your only child be perfect.

In the eyes of children, what kind of person are parents? Many times, it's not the parents who love their children, it's the children who see their parents as such people. Because in their young minds, where is love when they scold their children all day? Don't tell me that when you grow up, you will understand that your parents only want the best for you. Because children don't understand, at least at their age. Many times, I am truly heartbroken by marriages that paint a false image of marriage in the eyes of my children. Children always see how their parents love each other. And that love, the father's for the mother, the mother's for the father, truly deeply affects the child's perspective, way of thinking, evaluation, and even learning.

Children cannot be "weapons", nor "property" of parents to "use as parents' rights". When you are born, you must be a child. Don't use your child to your "advantage". How many children grow up with irreparable trauma because their parents use them as weapons to win or lose against each other? How many children want to be split in half when their father pulls and their mother tugs? How many children, even when they are 30-40 years old, still think that "because of me, my mother had to swallow it and suffer for so many years"? How many children have ended their lives when they were forced to "follow" their mother or "follow" their father? They are innocent children! There are mothers who say they love their children but attach all the misfortunes with their husbands to their children. There are fathers who say they love their children but attack their mother, a wife he insists is "not worthy of being a mother".

You may not be happy. But just because you are a father or mother doesn't mean you have the right to force your children to not be as happy as you. Then tomorrow, when they are unhappy, can they also drag their parents out to forgive them like you? There is such a thing as "pain inheritance"! As for your misfortune today, if you drag your children into it, they will continue your misfortune.

Watching trees repair the soil, watching children repair themselves is like that. In the eyes of our children, who we are is more important than in the eyes of the world, how majestic we are. Of course, if you love your child enough to hope this child will have a better life than you.