As Told By: I’m A Mean Girl and I Hate Myself For it.

I have the self-awareness to admit that I’m a mean girl just like the great Regina George said, “At least I know I’m mean.” I guess I have the morality to admit to myself that it doesn’t make me feel good, but I keep doing it. I guess there is a part of me that wants to stop but I can’t.

I had this best friend and we both went to school together our families are close as well. Now, this isn’t a story about ugly friend jealous of hot friend. This is a story of hot friend jealous of slightly hotter friend. Slightly hotter friend is an influencer who is loud, fun and sexy. She gets a lot of male attention and she’s sort of a man eater. She likes rejecting guys and is wordily. I’m also an influencer and sell things on TikTok shop sometimes. I love my friend, but she is too much for me and I’m afraid to admit it. I feel like an old lady sometimes while she hops around town like a bunny.

NEW BEST FRIEND

I wasn’t the only one hating on slightly hotter best friend though, we had another friend that was sort of new. We met her at one of the many bars in the college town, we instantly vibed really digging her almost Emo kind of aesthetic she had, and dry wit. We spent the night laughing and having drinks. At the time slightly hotter best friend was dating a sexy body builder from Australia who was studying Early Childhood, OMG this man was like Hercules bulky, tall, handsome and strong….I hated it! slightly hotter best friend always used to walk around class and campus happy because she was going to Greek God Pound Town almost every night. Even though that sounded fantastic I was a little jelly I could admit. The guy I was seeing at the time always told me he would make the time to see me, which was hard because he was the manager at a Staples that was having a bad retention rate.

I know that in my soul I'm a mean girl, but I never played out any of my mean girl antics. I would do little slick shit here and there, like talk behind your back. tell a secret you swore no one ever knew about, but that was surface level mean girl stuff. New best friend really put me into the Darkside. After class I ran into new best friend at the student cafe, per usual she was wearing combat boots, fish net stocks and a pleated black skirt, she also had purple dreads and thick glasses, which I thought was so 2015 Tumbler grunge, but she made it work. She waved at me really warm, something compelled me to really make myself acquainted with her, see with mean girls, you could almost sniff out other mean girls and it’s lowkey exciting.

“you were at the bar!” she said “yeah me and my best friend and her boyfriend” I added. Something in my body told me we were going to be great friends. We sit together at one of the round tables “what are you majoring in?” I asked “justice” she replied “and you?” she asked me. I was taking a mean girl’s number #1 career. Nursing. “oh wow” she replied back after I told her what I was majoring in. “I could never do nursing and just care for people, I like to live my life” she said, shady but it was okay because I was shady too. We go on and on about how much we enjoy our classes, even though I lied I really didn’t like nursing and I was failing Bio, but I needed to graduate with something if I wanted to make a damn living.

Like the typical mean girl, I had to slide in some light and subtle shade-nothing too crazy just enough to get the ball rolling. “Okay so you saw her boyfriend, right?” I say, new best friend’s eyes glowed I swear to God, you should’ve seen it like she’s been waiting to sort of say something. “OMG yes, he’s totally gym bro..you know?” she added. There were butterflies in my stomach, and I couldn’t wait to say what I couldn’t say to slightly hotter best friend. There was a friendship boiling between us and I could just feel we would have a good time. “Okay, I’m glad you said that because his whole Instagram is just him working out and selling his protein powder” I added trying to get some more shade out of new best friend. I turned it up a notch by pulling out my iPhone and pulling up Justin’s Insta.

The whole introductory nice girl phase quickly shifted out of new best friend, and she became who I knew she was. “ Oh my god..well at least he’s hot” she said “okay like who’ s that Lululemon ass bimbo” she added pointing to slightly hotter best friend, I knew that new best friend knew who she was, we were all at the bar having drinks — maybe she forgot. I pulled up slightly hotter best friend’s Insta and I have to admit she’s a baddie, she shows off her body and is not afraid to show it, she also gets a lot of sponsorships from makeup companies since she an influencer, so she always looks like a MyScene Doll (and yes, I referenced my Myscene) New best friend rolled her eyes and smirked “she looks like she has no damn brain” new best friend added again. I knew the slightly hotter best friend had a heart of gold and there was more to her than her social media persona. I felt the same way though, I sort of liked that someone felt that way about her.

I get a text from my boyfriend Matt, who finally responded to the text after a week. “who’s that?” new best friend asks “my boyfriend” I replied. New best friend had a slight stank face, but she tried to hide it with a little smile, again shady but I could respect it. To be honest I get a little offended when people get all cringed out over my boyfriend, he’s not ugly or odd he’s just…a loser and he wears it on his sleeve. Matt doesn’t have any ambition except he wants to be a huge Twitch streamer, so that gives him a lot of excuses to play video games all day and be completely avoidant. With all that being said, I rarely talk about Matt but Slightly hotter best friend always spills her relationship secrets to me, and since I don’t have a lot of friends I keep it to myself.

New best friend told me she had a boyfriend too, he lives off campus. New best friend invited me to her boyfriend’s house for a little get together, feeling guilty I asked if slightly hotter best friend could come, she agrees. When I get back to my girly dimly lit dorm, I could feel my damn acid reflex acting up again. Okay, so I don’t really have acid reflex it’s my body punishing me for something that’s going to happen that’s my fault or punishing me once again for my shady ways. I thought to myself how mean I was for showing off photos of slightly hotter best friend like that, and her boyfriend is not that bad of a guy, he’s actually better than the most guys she’s been with, and they actually seem to get along. something that I prayed to do with Matt.

MEAN GIRL LEVEL 100

The Acid Reflex started getting worse and I think I spit up a little and the hot acidic spit up sort of traveled though my nose CURSE YOU GUILT FLOWING THROUGH MY BODY slightly hotter friend walks in and sees me hunched over my bed and immediately comes to my aid. Slightly hotter friend pulls my dirty blonde hair away from my face and baby talked me “you’re okay” God dammit why was I such a dick to her. I managed to sleep off the guilt reflex and when I woke up Justin, slightly hotter best friend’s boyfriend was sleeping shirtless, he looked like a giant compared to the twin mattress and there was slightly hotter best friend smushed in between him and the wall sleeping like a baby in her beige lace bra. I got a little angry again. I didn’t know why, I just looked at him.

Justin was just so sexy, so muscular he was really Hercules in the flesh. I thought about how long it’s been since I got some. It was hot in the room, so he was a little sweaty adding to the sexiness. I took out my phone and snapped a photo, I know shady again. It was quiet, and I was contemplating lightly crawling on him or going in for a small kiss. just a peck. So, I get up slowly like a predator stalking it’s hopeless pray. I climb my light-footed skinny self-down the bed and in no time, I was standing above Justin while he was sleeping. I tried to think ahead, “just go back to bed” I told myself “Stupid slut you’re never seeing heaven, aunty was right about you!” I really yelled to myself. The jealous Jezebel in my spirit, just pushed my body closer to Justin. I lightly kiss his pillow soft lips. The devil in me was laughing and I started smiling out of nowhere, I’ve never smiled so hard I was so satisfied. Good thing Justin was sleeping.

I woke up that morning throwing up again, this time I make it to the bathroom. There goes that guilt reflex again. As I was standing above the toilet bowl, I started to scold myself and I almost started to cry. I asked myself why and did anyone somehow see me. Being a mean girl is hard when you have a conscious, it always feels like Karma is walking behind me or Christ is sitting there shaking his head at me in shame. I brush my teeth and get myself together. I poke my head out and Justin was gone, slightly hotter best friend was scrolling on her phone under her blanket. Thank God.

Not only did I kiss slightly hotter best friend’s man, but I also slightly cheated on my man Matt. I guess the good thing about this was the guilt was mainly coming from violating Girl Code. It felt a little good to slightly cheat on Matt though, besides he’s a loser, he knows it and I know it, that's a good enough reason to cheat right? I didn’t pay attention in class, and this was class I was mainly slacking on, I thought to myself how I could always make it up. I get a text from new best friend, and she offers to meet up at her man’s apartment to smoke, I agreed even though I’m not that much of a smoker. After class, new best friend picks me up in her man’s hooptie a hatchback Honda Civic it sorts of fit her whole vibe.

We pull up to her boyfriend’s apartment, the neighborhood was quiet and cute. New best friend’s boyfriend’s apartment was decked out with anime stuff, just like my boyfriend’s apartment. New best friend sets down her beat-up Micheal Kors bag on the couch, takes a deep breath like she endured the world today and lit up her purple and green glass bong. She exhales whatever negative energy she inhaled. She passed the bong to me, and boy whatever shit that was good. After a couple of minutes, I was good and baked, it felt so good, and I felt so relaxed. “That picture though girl” new best friend says. My heart started to sink to my stomach, holy shit did I accidently send that photo to new best friend? DAMN

She giggled “did you smash?” she asked smoking some more. I didn’t but I really wanted to, all I did was kiss him on the lips and go back to bed. That’s not really that scandalous. My high self just admitted it “I kissed him on the lips” I say new best friend gasped and slapped her knee. “I fucking knew it” she says. It took me a while to take in what she just said. She fucking knew it? what did she know? I asked her while giggling trying not to take the fun out of this moment. “I mean you were destined to cheat on Matt, not with that hot guy around” she says. Did this dusty dread head just say that I’m disloyal? was that how she really felt about me? I didn’t have enough time to take in the shade, until she leans in and tells me a secret.

New best friend was sleeping with her boyfriend’s cousin. I was shocked but not really, for the amount of time I knew her she always seemed like she had the compacity to fuck another guy. I acted shocked and even added a little hand over my mouth gesture. We were both vibing over unloyalness, for a moment there that guilt started to come up and this time it wasn’t acid reflux spit up it was an emotion. I realized quickly that I was sitting in front of a mirror, a less stylish version of me but still — I was sitting in front of myself. I started to hate myself and I started to hate new best friend.

New best friend shows me a picture of her boyfriend’s cousin. He was hot Spanish looking fellow, medium build looked like he worked out. New best friend shows a picture of her current boyfriend. He looked like his cousin, skinnier and looked like a stoner, similar to my boyfriend. New best friend goes on and on about how good her boyfriend’s cousin is with foreplay and how she admired him for being ‘manly’ I think he worked in maritime like on ships or something like that. I wasn’t even judging her; I felt the same way with slightly hotter best friend’s boyfriend. Yes, truth is I’m jealous of my best friend and her man, my man was a piece of shit who did the bare minimum for me, and I was waiting for him to change while I changed for him.

I felt like I was in the house of mirrors everything at the moment was a complete replica of my life, there was anime all over the walls of the Livingroom (what’s up with losers and anime?) . Trying to for once be a voice of reason, I asked about her relationship with her boyfriend and boyfriend’s cousin. “You think maybe you could just leave your boyfriend?” I asked. New best friend started putting her phone to her face and answered kind of slowly like she was frustrated. I struck a nerve in her “why not you leave Matt?” she asked. I was stunned and she was right, instead of kissing up on my new best friend’s boyfriend I should’ve just addressed how I felt inside and told Matt.

APRIL

Okay so, I started looking up therapists online since I was still under my parent’s insurance. This damn Guilt Reflux is fucking with my life, and I can’t stand who I was when I was looking in the mirror. I looked on Google, and immediately I found a therapist that stook out to me. The therapist’s names were April and she had like 4 1/2 stars. She looked like a sweet lady and had this hippie vibe. I kept thinking about how easy that would’ve been, she probably would tell me about chakras and shit and wouldn’t get too deep which is something I didn’t like to do, like mean girls.

Fast forward to two weeks later, I meet April at a commercial building next to an Orthopedic doctor. It was an hour away and I was hoping she’d be worth it. In the Knick of time as I pull up to my favorite parking spot, which is always in front of the building, my mom texts me. She doesn’t say hi or anything she just vented to me about my brother. My brother got in trouble with the police for doing some sort of YouTube prank. My parents had to pay a fine. I know how my mother talks; she sort of tells a story and then it leads into you filling the blanks, there were three key points from that message a fine she had to pay, dealing with police and dad who didn’t want to deal with him. So, what my mother was telling me with saying it, she couldn’t help me with my cellphone bill or my allowance. I took a deep breath in.

I checked in at the front desk and there was a kid playing with a dollhouse in the waiting room. I tried to sit across from her and not give the little shit eye contact, even though she didn’t even notice I was there. I took a deep breath and exhaled. My sunglasses were still on, so I closed my eyes and counted to 10. I learned how to do that when I was seven, I don’t know where I got it from Barney? The Big Comfy Couch? I don’t remember. April calls me and she was exactly who I thought she was, wearing a long colorful maxi skirt, Birkenstock sandals and bead bracelets, like OMG she was so stereotypical. I fake smiled and did the high pitched “hi” she smiled at me. Her office was cute though and I sat on a purple shag couch that felt good. She introduced herself and gave a run down on what she does. I guess maybe I should’ve read the details on her a little bit. April was a real licensed therapist, who studied adult phycology and child phycology, but did things a little uncovential, but not too unconvential for legal reasons.

I jumped straight in the Acid Reflux thing. She gave me a strange look like she was wondering if I was in the right doctor. Then I further explained; “It comes up when shit happens to me” she then shook her head like she finally got where I was getting, and she did “it’s getting worse” she says confidently. “I just want it to go away” I added. She does a deep sigh and folds her chubby pink hands on her cluttered desk. I started getting nervous, because I knew she was looking right through me. Damn that hippie was intense, I further explained the things that I did. I told April that my best friend was a more successful influencer than me, I told her that I kissed her man while he was sleeping, I told her that I made a new friend, and we had a lot in common.

Then it started to happen again, the Guilt Reflux Spit up was coming up and my eyes started to water. April pulls out an overflowing pail and puts it at my feet. “I hate this!” I say, I started crying and I didn’t even throw up at all. April was just observing what was happening with her sympathetic blue eyes, again looking right into my soul. I started to unravel, about my classes and my family and worst my boyfriend. April stopped me at my childhood, she looked intrigued. I used to do beauty pageants when I was a little girl, every summer me, my granny and mother would travel to a new state and new hotel to compete. I hated it because I never won, I always got like third place — literally! all that practice, the money towards cloths and teeth whitening just to win third place EVERY FUCKING TIME! I explained all that to April.

April asks something that changed me “are you in third place?” there was an awkward silence while I was waiting for the answer. I tried to decode the question. April didn’t ask if I felt like I was in third place, she asked if I was in third place. I took some time to think about it, April sort of helped me “Your friend is a successful influencer, has a handsome boyfriend it looks like she’s okay” she says I thought about it, I was in third place. Slightly hotter best friend was winning the imaginary competition, she seemed like she was more ahead of me, and I felt like I had to beat her. I didn’t admit that revelation to April, I just reluctantly shook my blonde head.

Just when I thought the hard part of this was over April asked me another heavy hitting question. She asked who I am when I’m not in competition with others, who am I when completely alone, without my family, best friend and boyfriend. Another annoying awkward pause, I had to think. I didn’t know. I then realized that everything I did was for the sake of the hypothetical “show” I don’t like nursing, but I don’t like the idea of homelessness another show, I didn’t want to come back with nothing. I didn’t feel like answering that question, I changed the subject and told her straight up that I’m a mean girl. She wouldn’t have anything to say about that right?

I looked at the time 1:45pm almost 2:00pm and I spent it trying to avoid heavy questions. “Being mean is a right a passage for some people” April says. I tried to act uninterested, but I never heard that point of view before. “there’s control in negativity and power” she added. She then read me like no one ever has “you’re nice and friendly on the outside, but kissing your friend’s boyfriend flipped the script.” April added. I don’t know if April could see the anger in my eyes. April on this nonstop therapist read, references the actual movie Mean Girls and Regina George. I looked at the clock and it was 2:50 only nine more minutes to endure the truth. Basically, Regina George used her meanness to control her narrative, and the people around her. People feared Regina George, and nobody got to the root of who she was even though it was clear she was insecure. I thought about it and Regina was in third place too, Katey started to take the lead and so did everyone else. “it’s easy to be mean, even if you’re friendly.”

MEAN GIRL LEVEL 1000

You would think that session with April would’ve changed my life, 2 weeks of it at least. I broke up with Matt over text message but not before he Cash Apped me for my cell phone bill. New best friend and I had another outing without slightly hotter best friend. It was a house party at her boyfriend’s house, I tried to have fun, but I was a little down. I put on my smiley face and the red cups went bottoms up. While chit chatting with some other friends, I started to feel myself get too drunk, which I was okay with actually. New best friend’s man’s cousin walked through the door with his hands in the air ready to party. He daps up his buddies and gives this little side hug to new best friend. Man, was new best friend’s eyes glowing when she saw him, so were mine. I had to get a way to get his attention.

I didn’t care that I came off too sleazy or came on too strong, I didn’t care about much of anything at that moment. I was dancing on him and looking at new best friend at the same time, she wasn’t paying attention, her and her buddies were passing the blunt around. He whispers in my ears and directs his head to the bathroom across from the bedroom, we make a break for it. God, he was so hot and I felt so lucky, I’ve never had a hot guy kissing my neck before. Just to note, this scene in my life would’ve been great if the bathroom wasn’t so spacious, you know how people who are about to fuck in bathrooms are always in tight bathrooms, sort of adding more sexiness? man why does real life suck? Anywho, yeah we were about to fuck and I started thinking about my therapy session with April weeks prior. Bad timing.

I’m flipping the script and controlling my own narrative. I was doing everything April said I was doing. Controlling my own narrative taking my own stage. I’m no longer the girl with a loser boyfriend, always waiting behind him. I was getting what I wanted, and I did not care. I had no feelings or remorse for fucking him, I was single and new best friend was cheating on him anyway, where's the shame in that? what could she say? mid fuck the door flies open and it New best friend’s boyfriend “fuck sorry bro!” he says not aware of what was going on. Thank God it wasn’t new best friend. It was a good three minutes of fun I’ve ever had with another man other than Matt and yes, I was proud of myself.

Word went around that I slept with some hot guy. Me and slightly hotter best friend had some girl talk over it. I mentioned that I wanted to fuck again, this time I wouldn’t be drunk. Slightly hotter best friend starts talking about having sex with Justin on his friend’s boat and how non-romantic it was, too many people going up and down no privacy. I was thinking about it too, I was always thinking about messaging him and trying to meet up with him but, he seemed like a good person and I didn’t want to get caught out like that.

It happened again the damn Guilt Reflux started coming up in my throat again. No matter how I try to force myself to be okay with my actions, I couldn’t truly be okay with it. Every mean thing that I did felt so good at the moment and for the most part I was getting away with it. I ran to the bathroom to throw up, and like the saint slightly hotter best friend was, she ran after me. I knew I didn’t deserve her, but she was a good person and I liked having her around. A ping goes off in the room, I told her to let me be I'll get over it like I was always do. “what?!” I knew something was wrong, my body got all hot and I started to sweat God damn I was a hot ass mess. I swear to you, I could shit out my own heart, that’s how nervous and scared I was. I could’ve walked out and played dumb and asked what happened, but I knew exactly what happened. Instead, I closed the door and hung my head over the toilet with my phone in my hand.

I heard a loud bang on the bathroom door “you fucking bitch!” slightly hotter best friend yelled. I’ve never heard her yell and be angry she was always in an upbeat mood she never let things get to her. There was nothing else I could do at that point, I should saw that shit coming but I was too arrogant. I start to cry even though there was no reason to “she fucking told me you were shady!” slightly hotter best friend says while still banging on the bathroom door. “who!?” I asked, “Your little friend!” she replied. Fucking New best friend was going behind my back and telling slightly hotter best friend about me. “don’t listen to that bitch!” I say. “there’s a picture of you in front of my man while he’s half naked you stupid bitch!” she replied, she was right.

The RAs were able to calm the situation down. The RAs wrote us up for a noise disturbance then they temporarily separated us. That week I stayed with a nice girl who was a business major, she was quiet and private. All I knew about her was that her mother and father were small business owners of a locally popular soap shop. Since I was influencer, I sort of did a little shout out to their business to sort of clear some bad karma — and because their soap was actually nice and smelled amazing (Nona’s Soap Shop) socially things were falling apart for me, slightly hotter best friend and I had the same friend group, so they sort of slowly exed me out.

The good thing is that I had more time to focus on classes. I started getting better and quickly getting on track. I started thinking about April during all this, I then came to the realization that other than slightly hotter best friend — April was the only person I really talk to about personal stuff, and she actually understood me. April understood where I came from, and she didn’t even say much like she was reading me. I started thinking of this spiritual vibe that April had, and how maybe this is like a sign from the universe, like what some would say a tower moment.

I know I keep sort of referencing the movie a lot and I know that a lot of girls sort want to be Regina George. People want to be Regina George before she was overthrown, people liked her wit, style and leadership skills her way of sort of controlling her environment. I liked to think of myself as Regina George when she got fat and I was in the beginning stages, like when Regina showed up to the table with sweatpants because she couldn’t fit her jeans, I’m at that stage. There's no Katey, it’s just me Regina at her lowest and the sad part is that I didn’t even notice when I felt like I was on top.

I still had April’s number and I texted her for an emergency session while in Bio. April texted me back kindly with openings.

BACK TO APRIL

I selfishly explained the situation to April and as always, she was nodding her head and probably thinking to herself that I was spewing bullshit, because I was. I decided that in this session I was going to be completely honest, I wasn’t going to give some half-ass answers and get offended I wanted to be transparent.

“I don’t know what happened I was drunk” I say.

“You were drunk when you snapped a photo of your friend’s boyfriend while sleeping?” April shadingly asked.

“No”

“What was that feeling when you did it? what was the driving force?” April asked.

That was a good question that I never thought of. What was that driving force that made me take a picture of her boyfriend? what is the driving force for anything that I do? I actually really sat there to think about it. After sitting there in silence really looking for the answer, I figured it out. I felt like I had a lightbulb above my head, I just simply wanted him. I felt like I deserved Justin, I was dealing with Matt, and I felt like Slightly Hotter Best friend got all the hot guys around campus eating out of the palm of her hands, why does she have to be so committed to Justin?

I told April my theory about why I kissed Justin and why I took a picture. Again, the whole head nodding thing she did. April broke it down for me, very simple. April told me that I simply felt like slightly hotter best friend didn’t deserve Justin. April told me to think of Justin like a trophy for a beauty pageant, I worked hard and hard and practiced relentlessly and did not get the trophy. I started to get it everything was making sense.

I started to get it. My whole childhood I worked hard to be in first place, and I never did. I was always met with disappointment from grandma and mom. I was working hard with my ex-Matt and was still coming out last with him, I was coming out last with my failing classes and bad grades, I came out last when slightly hotter best friend got the hottest, nicest boyfriend and sponsorships, brand deals etc. I felt like I was coming out last and everyone else was winning. I needed to win, and when I gave Justin a kiss, I felt like I won, but I needed a trophy and that was the picture. I guess the picture made me feel like I won something. I needed to win.

I got a little piece of the broken plastic crown, I actually graduated in 2022. My family was there and so was slightly hotter best friend’s family. I approached slightly hotter best friend after the ceremony and gave her a hug, SHE HUGGED ME BACK GUYS and we took a selfie! I know that It would take more than a hug and a selfie to fix my shady ways, but it was sort of white flag for me. I felt like I won when I saw my granny, mom and dad taking pictures of me walking across the stage.

MEAN GIRL RELOADED

When I moved back in with my parents, that Guilt Reflux started to come back. Maybe the Guilt Reflux came back because I was still sleeping with my ex, maybe it came back because I was still living with my parents and my brother. Everywhere I looked in the house there were pictures of me as a baby. Mainly they’re pictures of me back in my junior beauty pageant days. When I got back home my parents were sort of consumed with themselves, my idiot brother kept getting in trouble doing YouTube shit. I tried to get back on the ball vlogging, but I felt like my life was too boring for views and it was.

I know it’s bad but every night before I went to bed, I thought about April, slightly hotter best friend and my beauty pageant days. I started thinking about how busy my granny and I were and how there was this sort of togetherness when I was doing pageants. That all ended when I went to middle school, and I swore off beauty pageants.

I got a big girl job working at the General hospital, I felt like I was getting a huge win. I made two friends at work, we all work the overnight shift. Aside from taking care of patients we try to do GRWM TikTok and Nurse Life TikTok's. Two of my friends have an advantage over me when it comes to their content. They’re moms. Their content always starts out with waking their kids up and making them breakfast, then they send them off to school and come to work. My mom friends also have more responsibilities than me, so they’re type of work was different than my type of work. Again I’m in third place again, even as an adult I’m in third fucking place. My friends are married, they both have children and even go on like play dates together. I’ve thought about getting back with Matt and maybe talking things seriously, but Matt would never marry me and if he does it’ll be a shut-up ring. Matt would be a terrible father and most of his family are trailer park Meth heads — even THINKING about making a good life would lead me last.

I know, I know, I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to people and turn over a new leaf. These things are easy to say to people, but hard to put into your own life. To this day, I’m still purging with guilt because I know I’m still the mean and jealous girl from college and I HATE that I haven’t gotten over it yet. I know it’s because I feel lack of fulfilment, and I feel bad because It’s no one’s fault but my own. I feel like maybe I should’ve stayed in therapy; April and I were making great progress too. Now, I don’t have time for that. In my TikTok account, I have several drafted videos where I sort of secretly spill the tea on my friends do at work and what they do on their “sick” days. The last time I made of video of one of my friends leaving early and leaving me with one of her difficult patients, which went viral.

I decided to make an anonymous TikTok spilling the tea on what happens with nurses and doctors on the low. It’s going to be more gossipy, not anything important like kicking patients out when they’re insurance can’t cover their stay. I keep purging but I think this is who Iam. AND YES, I hate myself for it, I can’t stand the sight of it but I’m a mean girl, like most girls I just have the balls to admit it!