Natalie Felix
Bio
I am an old soul with many stories in my head...from many lifetimes. Some are true. Some less so.
Stories (34/0)
The Short Version
Still trying to decide between the studio version and the Snyder version to be perfectly honest. I guess if we are staying true to form, the extended version is a big too much. I had a pretty awesome childhood; I also had a pretty messed up childhood. Did not even learn until I was an adult that both can be true at the same time. I was aware of both the light and dark around me; shadows cast by the sun and surroundings illuminated by moonlight. It is very easy to teach a child they are special and not worthy at the same time. So let's jump right in, shall we?
By Natalie Felix10 months ago in Journal
Out of Pocket
When you were raised to believe you were smart but weren't good enough for anyone, your brain gets scrambled. Trauma responses are hard to manage. Self sabotage is real. It is difficult to accept they won't all be good days and have some compassion for each other. At least it doesn't come easily for me. I will fight against my own better judgement, just to be heard. But what good is fighting to be heard when it pushes the one you love away? It takes a lot of talking for me to figure out where the actual anger is boiling up from. On the surface it would appear that it was the heat of the moment. We don't notice the subconscious gears moving. Triggering (ugh, I hate that word) memories and emotional responses that seem reasonable at the time. But only if you look superficially at the argument.
By Natalie Felixabout a year ago in Journal