I recently witnessed a conversation between two very dear friends of mine, Edithe Fuller Vic and Barratt Cuyahogahav. I remember silently witnessing their conversation without uttering a single word. Barratt seemed unusually tensed, but he wasn’t acting tensed. It was just his face, his eyes to be precise. Something seemed restless about them.
Today I honestly don’t know what to write about. There’s so much that I want to type and let out into the world, but the fear of the consequences drives me crazy. There is so much I want to reveal for everybody to know and see. I’m just so frustrated that I’m literally lost. Writing for me has always been about honesty, but today I don’t even have that.
I don’t feel anything. Nothing matters to me. I’m feeling more than I can. Everything matters more than it should. Everything is at stake. Meh, I don’t care much about it. Whatever. Why can’t I stop thinking about everything? I need to calm down. Wow, this is weird. I can barely express anything. I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel so stagnant. Oh GOD why!! Why can’t I stop feeling so terrible? I just want to cry. I don’t know how to stop. Why do people have reactions? I barely have any reactions. Wait, why don’t I react to things? I don’t understand why I overreact so much. Why can’t I control my emotions? Where are my emotions? Why? What is happening to me? What is happening to me…………...…?
Have you ever felt a touch so exhilarating that it frees you from your own inhibitions?
Today, in a world like ours, we all have desires. We all crave for something. Material or immaterial, it doesn’t matter. We all want something(s) in life. However, as miserable as things are, most of us never get them. And those of us who do, realize that their expectations were much higher than their desires.
Are you happy? Tell me. Think. Are you feeling alive, cheerful, joyous, poised and the very many adjectives that describe the beautiful mood you’re in? You’re not? Why? For how long have you not been happy? Is it something bad? Did something happen? Do you care?