We are emotional beings and our emotions mold us into what we finally become. From time to time I tap into this emotional side to pen down stories and anecdotes that are close to my heart.
An Improper Connection
Feel it. Feel it. Feel it. You know it’s me. The way I touch you. You crave it, but you can’t show it. You try to hide it, but you never stop me. Your eyes, they make sure to tell me what your mouth struggles to. The desires you’ve been fantasizing about. I know them, baby. I see through the charade you put up for the world because I know what lies within is a freak.
The hour hand struck midnight. The day after Sameer’s 22nd birthday had just begun. The previous day came as every day came and the night perished into the silence as every night perished. No one remembered him on his day. No one cared. Sameer had abandoned all expectations, but now he knew for sure. He was completely alone.
When I was about 8 years old my mom asked me what my favorite time of the day was. Daytime or nighttime? Without much hesitation, I answered “Nighttime”. I remember saying nighttime because to me the night was when life was simpler. Looking back, my choice seems a little weird to me. Not because it isn’t true anymore. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. The night is still my favorite time of the day. The only difference - I now have reasons to hate it as well.
A week had passed since Asher’s father had died. He died in the afternoon, shortly after having lunch. The neighbors were the first to find him. They went to check on him when he didn’t show up to their weekly game night. When they found him, he was lying in bed, under the blanket. Initially, they thought he was asleep. However, when he didn’t respond to their efforts to wake him up, they called an ambulance.
A Memoir of Loss
September 26th, 2020 On the 17th I performed my Boromama’s (maternal uncle) first death anniversary ritual. Seeing his photo and performing his death anniversary ritual felt odd. I sat in the same place where he used to when he would perform the monthly rituals after my maternal grandmother’s death. I used to stand beside him, watching as he performed the rituals while the priest recited the mantras. Not once during those times did I think that I would have to sit in the same place and perform the rituals for him someday. It never occurred to me. I never imagined his death. Then again, I did not imagine my grandmother’s death either.
A Conversation Between Friends
I recently witnessed a conversation between two very dear friends of mine, Edithe Fuller Vic and Barratt Cuyahogahav. I remember silently witnessing their conversation without uttering a single word. Barratt seemed unusually tensed, but he wasn’t acting tensed. It was just his face, his eyes to be precise. Something seemed restless about them.
Late Night Ramblings
Today I honestly don’t know what to write about. There’s so much that I want to type and let out into the world, but the fear of the consequences drives me crazy. There is so much I want to reveal for everybody to know and see. I’m just so frustrated that I’m literally lost. Writing for me has always been about honesty, but today I don’t even have that.
The Ever-Changing State of Mind
I don’t feel anything. Nothing matters to me. I’m feeling more than I can. Everything matters more than it should. Everything is at stake. Meh, I don’t care much about it. Whatever. Why can’t I stop thinking about everything? I need to calm down. Wow, this is weird. I can barely express anything. I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel so stagnant. Oh GOD why!! Why can’t I stop feeling so terrible? I just want to cry. I don’t know how to stop. Why do people have reactions? I barely have any reactions. Wait, why don’t I react to things? I don’t understand why I overreact so much. Why can’t I control my emotions? Where are my emotions? Why? What is happening to me? What is happening to me…………...…?
The Touch of Pleasure
Have you ever felt a touch so exhilarating that it frees you from your own inhibitions? That touch, that spectacular touch—there’s something about it. The more you feel it, the more you want it. It seems unholy and wrong, yet it feels so right. You think about it, try to resist it, but somehow the desires of your body overtake the constraints of your mind. The sinful fantasies that overflow through your mind make you think as though the devil himself is riding on you. You ask yourself, “Why can’t I resist it?” You keep trying to find ways to distract yourself away from it, but the magnetic pull of that incredible touch is just too strong, isn’t it?
Desire and Acceptance
Today, in a world like ours, we all have desires. We all crave for something. Material or immaterial, it doesn’t matter. We all want something(s) in life. However, as miserable as things are, most of us never get them. And those of us who do, realize that their expectations were much higher than their desires.
Are you happy? Tell me. Think. Are you feeling alive, cheerful, joyous, poised and the very many adjectives that describe the beautiful mood you’re in? You’re not? Why? For how long have you not been happy? Is it something bad? Did something happen? Do you care?
Beneath the Smile
When all everybody could see was her smile her eyes asked me to look deeper. And so, I did. … I was instantly smitten by her smile. It had a sense of purity in it. She had a smile that could infuse a feeling of delight in anyone.