Birthday

The hour hand struck midnight. The day after Sameer’s 22nd birthday had just begun. The previous day came as every day came and the night perished into the silence as every night perished. No one remembered him on his day. No one cared. Sameer had abandoned all expectations, but now he knew for sure. He was completely alone.

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Ever since he finished high school, Sameer lost his friends at a steady pace. When the conversations/chats started getting mostly one-sided after just months of graduation, he decided to go with the flow and not pay much heed to it. “Maybe it’s part of growing up?” he told himself at the time. However, before he could even stop to check he found himself growing more and more distant from his friends. To make it worse, he wasn’t making any new ones either. So, with each passing day, Sameer was only getting closer and closer to seclusion. That explains why the presence of just two friends and a girlfriend on the night of his 21st birthday was only a bit disappointing, not surprising.

When Sameer recalled the night of his 21st birthday the disappointment of the day came back as well. He was reminded how much of a small affair his birthday had become. Although he wasn’t ever a social butterfly, Sameer usually preferred getting together with a group of friends for special occasions. Unfortunately, he forgot the part which involved maintaining a group of friends. It wouldn’t have mattered much to him, but the only time Sameer had fun was during special occasions. Life just moved that way for him nowadays. Therefore, when he found only two of his friends and his girlfriend next to him, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was losing too many people from his life.

It had been almost nine months since that night. Looking back, Sameer regretted his disregard for the people in his life at the time. Nine months on and somehow Sameer found himself more alone than he had ever been in his life. He lost love and out of the two friends that attended his birthday only one was still in touch. He understood that moving out of the country after high school naturally included a gradual decline in communication with school friends. Nevertheless, it seemed to have happened a lot more drastically in Sameer’s case.

Often, the neighborhood we live in plays a significant role in shaping us and our thoughts. The values and principles Sameer had grown up with in his hometown didn’t always align with his new lifestyle since moving out. With every passing day he lived away from home his mentality evolved more and more. His belief system went through its own minor metamorphosis and consequently, his views changed. Thus, when he would go back to his hometown and visit his old friends during his time off, he would find himself feeling lost and even out of place at times. He would struggle to express himself to the same friends he once shared all his imperfections with. This wasn’t ideal as Sameer missed his hometown, but the alienating feeling he felt around some of his friends began to dwindle his desire to go back there and remain connected with them. Eventually, with time the list of Sameer’s friends just kept getting shorter.

Almost 11 months had passed since his 21st. Sameer was mentally preparing for a quiet birthday now. He wasn’t expecting anything much anymore. What could he possibly expect? And who would he expect from? He no longer had anybody to hold that place in his life. The one friend he still did have lived too far away to even meet. Sameer kept cursing himself for regretting his 21st birthday. At least he still had people by his side. Now, he was just by himself. Nobody to ask if he’s happy, nobody to ask if he’s sad, nobody to ask if he’s angry or to ask if he’s even alive.

To be fair, mentally he had died months ago. At this point, he was a living corpse that only ate and slept like a human being. He began to notice how little he would even hear his voice because he had nobody to talk to. He would think about the times when he would spend hours talking to his ex or his friends and how he had now lost that luxury.

Just a few more days were left before Sameer’s next birthday. A year. It was almost going to be an entire year since the day his immaturity clouded his perspective. Now, even if he wished he wouldn’t be able to bring all those people together for his upcoming birthday. He didn’t feel guilt, but the repentance was immense. Of course, there was a feeling of betrayal as well. He kept thinking why his friends were so quick to forget him when all he ever tried to do was to support them. Sure, his personality changed and the communication got tougher. However, Sameer never expected his friends to not be there for him someday. The reason was that he was always there for them irrespective of anything.

He made the mistake of expecting the world to give him the same treatment as the one he gave the world. Some may say such juvenile assumptions are a result of the still-developing prefrontal cortex. You see, the truth is he graduated from high school only four years ago. Therefore, his still-developing brain has been struggling to adjust to this new lifestyle since the memories of the complete opposite are still fresh. On top of that, it didn’t help that Sameer started to enjoy being alone.

The human mind truly is a work of wonder. The more you condition it a certain way the more it tries to mold itself accordingly. The solitude started to grow on Sameer. The isolation that once almost ate him up now acted as the perfect environment for him to enjoy his evening. Even Sameer himself didn’t realize it for a while. Nonetheless, when he found himself craving the calm of his empty home while in a roomful of acquaintances and potential friends he couldn’t help but admit that something had changed in him. It wasn’t as though he stopped regretting being alone all the time, but sooner or later we all adjust to our surroundings, don’t we?