Having my writing judged and picked apart is something I am very used to. I have written for years and there are always readers who don't like it, but for every reader who disapproves there are readers who do not. As of lately, I am questioned a lot about my stories so I thought this would be the perfect time to explain a few things.
I wonder if you'd miss me
if I up and walked away
if I disappeared tomorrow
what would people say?
Would the tears begin to flow
A few weeks ago someone said something to me out of anger, but it has stuck with me and I need to resolve it. “Be honest with yourself” were the words which he spoke. So here I am, me, naked before you with all my honesty. Feeling very vulnerable but needing to say this. Please understand some things are difficult to admit and speak of but remember YOU asked for my honesty. So here it is.
This is my dog Buddha, we call him Mr. Boo. He is a Japanese Chin and he is my best friend. Unlike most humans who can be so cruel to each other and so hurtful at times, he is the best thing in my life. He never judges me and would never say hurtful things. He never raises his voice to me and is always there when I need him. He never turns his back on me or speaks ill of me. His love is unconditional. He enjoys a good belly rub which he gets plenty of. He may not be a snuggler but knows when I am sad and will stay close. He is loyal to a fault. Even on the days when I can’t cope and I tend to ignore him, he comes around and tries to brighten my day. He likes his snacks which he gets maybe too often. He’s always up for a movie night with snacks.
She has died twice in her lifetime. Once was when her 30 year old son took his own life almost 7 years ago and the second time was today, as she watched her 23 year old walk out the door. The honesty in her words and sorrow in her heart had placed a wedge between them for over 3 years now and today, the umbilical cord that has held them so close for so long was severed. She couldn’t be silent. You would think she would’ve learned by now just say nothing. He doesn’t understand how when he hurts, she hurts. When he is happy, she is happy. When he is depressed and has anxiety issues...she feels it too. It is a mother/child bond. Maybe not for everyone but most certainly for her. She feels all that her boys feel. The ups, the downs and the in betweens. The joy of their loves and the disappointments of their failures.
On those days, where everything seems to be falling apart, when nothing makes sense and it all seems too much to handle, it’s that smile that makes my day. The smile that says I am here for you. The one that sometimes is boyish and silly, or serious and heartwarming. THAT smile lets me know everything will eventually be fine. The smile that I can read in an instant. The smile that needs no words.