Expressions

She sits in her room, in the shadow of a single light. She stares at the screen, she knows she needs to write but is at a loss for words. Sometimes it is so easy and times like this…not so much. Has she really said all there is to say? She thinks about all the written pages, all the poems and wonders if there is anymore to say. Surely there are lots of things to write about. Emotions and feelings, thoughts and points of view. Yet the only thing on her mind is him. He must be tired to a point, of her expressing her every feeling to him but then again, maybe not. She always feels like there’s more to say. More to express. Sometimes she feels like there are not enough words and other times like she’s already said enough. She wonders if she even NEEDS to write anymore. Always pouring out her heart and soul on the page. She writes to express. It’s her therapy. Her release of emotions. Writing the things she maybe otherwise could never say aloud. He tells her to keep writing. He is her inspiration, her reason for writing, her reason for living. Everything that she is, is because of him. Her world, her every waking moment revolves around him. Almost all of her writings are either for or about him. In one short year she has been transformed because of him. So tonight, once again, she writes for him, about him and to him.

He is her addiction, her drug of choice, her kryptonite. A tall man with piercing blue eyes and a smile that is contagious. In those eyes she sees the world. Hopes and dreams, feelings and aspirations. Such beauty when she looks deeply into his eyes. She wishes she could see herself the way he does with those eyes. A killer smile. One that makes you want to smile too. Everything from the shy little boy smile, to the devilish one, to the smile that is just for her. The I love you smile and the I want you smile. It goes so well on his beautiful face. The face she loves so much. She tells him that often. He has a fine build that when snuggled up against her, is a perfect fit to hers. The kind of man who has just enough confidence, that commands attention when walking into a room (even though he doesn’t necessarily want it). Her knight in shining armor and her king.

She didn’t always feel this way about him. There was a time when she would barely look at him. Hard times, unbearable times. Words spoken out of anger. Misunderstandings and times of silence. But whatever his reasons, he hung on to the hope of love with her. He saw things in her that she just didn’t see. He loved her, even when she didn’t want to be loved. He just wanted to. He remained in the shadows of her life. Close enough but never too close. Just enough so she would know he was there. Still she could not understand why. Her emotions told her one thing and her heart told her another. It was a constant battle inside of her very being that left her feeling so conflicted. He was always on her mind but not always in the nicest way. She needed to step back from her life and all that it was and take a good hard look. Not only at this man but at her life in its entirety. She needed to make sense of it all. She had so many doubts and reservations. She needed space, and that is just what he gave her. Unlike the others in her life, he just let her breathe.

It was in those breathing moments that she realized her love for him. Understood why he fought so hard for her and their relationship. She now knew that she felt so connected to him because they were destined to be together. Fate had brought them back together after a long absence and it would be love that would now guide them both. The speaking of the words “I love you too” left her feeling empowered. Her soul finally felt ‘right’. Everything seemed to merge together into one big thunderous crash of emotions. All felt right in her world. With that came the ability to express to him, all that she had felt. Without fear of ridicule or rejection. For his love was unwavering, steadfast and true. It’s then that she realized he was not going to give up on her or the hopes he had for a future with her. Never having anyone love her with such intensity before things became clearer. Now knowing the bond they were about to form, would be one that would never be broken. It is that bond that holds them together today and always.

And all because he just let her breathe.

He never gave up. Never let go of her or his dreams and hopes. Never stopped loving her. Never stopped believing in the power of love.

Thank you for being my rock and for never giving up

Always, G.