Something to die for, somebody to live for.
The rush, the thrill, the pain, the suffering, seeing my dreams all go down hill. It's so quiet here and I feel so cold, My dreams no longer feel like there are possible. The addiction never seems to subside, nothing goes as planned, and people break. People say goodbye in their own special way. When you realize that you are the only one left standing on your own, finding yourself looking back in the mirror, thinking about how you stand in the edge of the world feel the relief, I've learned to forgive but not forget, you'r felings may fade but your feelings will stick. Nothing stays the same though, nobody sees the pain, but everyone is to blame.
The Lost Treasures of the Stellar Lumen
"You excited for the big trip Marsha?" "Sure am Dad!" "Are all the bags ready to go for tomorrow morning sweetie?" "Just about there dear, only two more to finish packing" replied Frank who is Marshas father. As Marsha jumps off the couch and runs into the kitchen to help put dishes away, she exclaims, "Virginia here we come!" As Frank finishes packing the two remaining suitecases for the trip, he reminds Marsha to head to bed after she is done with the dishes to have a full nights rest for the long drive tomorrow.
I have no friends, nobody likes me, I’m not good enough, I feel alone in this world, what would people think if I was gone, maybe this world will be better without me, I have no purpose here. Sadness, remorse, guilt, shame, anger, hate, empty, alone—these are all the feelings that come to our heads and swallow us whole into what we feel like is the abyss of our current lives struggling with depression.
They say time moves slow, but when they are gone time seems to disappear under these lights within a blink of an eye. All those long and beautiful conversations led me to miss what I missed when you were still here. I'm seeing faces glow but none of them shine as bright as yours. I hear voices hush, it's OK that we are here all now. The silence echoes in the room while you are with us. I've seen peace, i've seen pain.
What is it that we do with our time? Time is the essence of life. Without time, there is no life, there is no universe, there is no purpose. We are all brought to this earth for a purpose. The universe gives us time to figure that out. The universe gives us until the day we call and say I'm ready Father, I surrender.
Somewhere I Belong
Seeing the flames rise higher and higher I don't know what to do when it comes. Pouring red lava from the volcano, my mind racing a million thoughts per minute but not able to see clearly through anything, there will always be a storm before the rainbow, and there will always be light after the clouds, but what comes in between? The fiery anger that we feel when we feel there is no place we belong on this earth.
Turning a New Leaf
There comes a time in everyone's life where we need to close one chapter and create another one. They say when one door closes another opens. There will always be a light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes it feels impossible to rise above and find it. We wait for the world to change around us for too long until we finally realize that it's us that needs to change; only then everything else around you will change. The people we associate ourselves with makes a huge impact on our lives. If we are not happy then we need to change ourselves, the world will not change for us. The universe will work with us but that is only if we put in the work.
Something About Your Love
When you want to say goodbye but you don't want to, you have to face the reality that you need to force yourself to leave for the better. You want to see the sunrise in the mornings but instead you only see your shadow from the cloud. It seems to never go away, it is there from dusk till dawn.
Past the Borderline
Ever since I was young I had the most difficult time when it came to making and keeping friends. I would always seem to lose friends and it would never last more than 4 years or less. I was forced to go to counseling when I was younger but to say that it helped at the time, I don't know if I could say. From waking up being angry at the world to going to bed hating myself and the world. "Why me?" I would always say to myself. Why was it me that got adopted, why is it me that always cries and gets in trouble for trying to having her emotions and feelings heard? Why why why??
Sometimes when we are going through a rough patch, we don't know what it is to feel, we feel numb inside and sometimes the feeling never seems to leave the body. The pain screams in the pit of our stomach, the thoughts run all over the body making it feel colder. What will happen if we stop feeling?
You turned into someone else that I don't know, so I talk to myself feeling weird but knowing that it helps me from going crazy. Maybe I'm already crazy. Only I can figure that out. I worry about you and have to say goodbye, packing it up, and disappearing. You better have some place to go because you can't come running back to me. I am finally forgetting about you and it makes you so mad that I'm moving on and am finally having fun without you. Goodbye.