Somewhere I Belong

Seeing the flames rise higher and higher I don't know what to do when it comes. Pouring red lava from the volcano, my mind racing a million thoughts per minute but not able to see clearly through anything, there will always be a storm before the rainbow, and there will always be light after the clouds, but what comes in between? The fiery anger that we feel when we feel there is no place we belong on this earth.

I don't wanna stay here, like pain it just keeps going on. I don't want to feel this. I have broken down walls, in the sound of the sea, I design my recovery. If I fall in again, who will get me back out? I don't wanna answer that, listening to the voices that used to guide the way, they no longer exist. When can we start over, rip out the old page burn it and buy a new book when it's all too much to bear? What do you see when you look at me when the night falls in around me? Don't think I can make it through, if I'm a monster it's because you made me. Continuing to let my scars bleed, sitting here and all these days spent awake.

Sit here tear after tear, I've come too far to back down now. I know where the enemies are. Each word spoken gets lost in the echo, letting it go, questioning if there is an option of giving up again? Stuck in my head but I won't let the thoughts stay. There is one way out and in my head there is real and make believe, it can't be out matched, it can't be outrun. Closing my eyes there is only one way out. Affirmations echo...where oceans bleed the skies cry, God save us, I will sacrifice myself. The sins of our land, the sins of our fathers, lift me up, let me go. Let me surrender to you, the only one who knows all my demons that cause the anger inside. This is not the end, this is not what was planned, it's out of my control now. Thoughts are spinning in my head, it's hard to let them go. Knowing what it takes to move on, all I wanna do is trade the responsibility to act appropriately. Knowing you are safe and not sitting in an empty room trying to forget the past. Was this ever meant to last?

All caught up in the eye of the storm when realizing the hardest part of ending is starting again. Holding on to what I haven't got right now. I'm strong on the surface but have never been perfect. Kept in my memories and will never forget when I am ready to rest. Nobody else can come and save me from myself. I can't be who you are. All I wanna do is be more like me and less like you.

Nothing to say getting lost inside myself, not knowing who to trust, not knowing who talk to. Questioning who wants to be my friend for who I really am. Tired of this disease all I think about is this.

Tension is building inside, heavy thoughts forcing its way out. Trying to take everything on the inside and throw it all away. Standing in the wake of devastation, waiting on the edge of the unknown. My insides were crying save me now. Feeling cold and lost in desperation, remembering all the sadness and frustration and let it go, feeling the stillness within me and breathing at my own pace. I feel the gravity falling into an empty space and no one to catch me at all. Please just let me know, is there some where I belong?

Nightly routine where I can't sleep so I turn to writing, the only thing I know it seems. When the sunrise shows and shadows fade, where are my thoughts when my head is under the pillow? Hidden away where nobody knows the real pain. Where do I belong? Where do I put my thoughts when the pen and paper are not near. 60 nights have made me stronger since the last I saw your sunken face. Not thinking I can look at this the same, all the nights that separate, disappearing and I have nothing left to say. Tonight it's only me and the tears just keep rolling.