Wannabe linguist. Wannabe novelist. Blogger. Poet. Avid reader. Boy mom. Have bipolar 2. Experience bisexual attraction. Love America. Love China. English language BA from BYU.
Why I Quit My Second Job
Many of us operate on the cordiality principle where we want to please others around us. This desire helps bind us as a community, but can also backfire. We can overcommit ourselves when we won't say no to another person. I fell into this trap this spring (as I have many springs when my energy returns).
Calm that Anxiety Playlist
Through the years, I've recognized how powerful music is to calm the soul. As a preteen, I fell asleep to Amy Grant's album Heart in Motion. I waited anxiously on the radio for Gloria Estefan's "I See You Smile". Through the years, I went through phases of what songs calmed my troubled soul--some pop, rock, or gospel music. However it works, music speaks and soothes the spirit.
Coming to Terms with My Bisexuality Within a My Moral Framework
I didn't "come out" as bisexual until Summer 2021 partially because I didn't have a term for my sexuality until a few years ago. Even when I did mention my sexual orientation almost two years ago, I only mentioned it briefly in a blog post. Later, I mentioned it in the context of tribalism on my personal Facebook page. No one said anything about my subtle "coming out". In a way, this comforted me because my friends and family viewed me as the same person.
Reframing My Mindset to One of Abundance
I don't want to go back to work on Monday. I suppose that's a normal feeling, but I need to be okay with it. Perhaps even be excited. I've had the last week off with my kids and I was sick for a week before that. So I am "out of practice". I have messed up my sleep schedule so 2 am is my normal again. But guess what? I need to go to sleep by 12 am to function.
Scattered Brain Cells and Scattered Goals
So bipolar and the spring equinox have an interesting relationship. Bipolar is sometimes considered a circadian rhythm disorder. Over the winter, the body produces more melatonin with less sun showing. As the sunlight increases in February and March, the leftover melatonin and the signal of extra light send miscues to the bipolar mind. It manifests in increased restlessness or other mood swings. Add the time change too. Not enjoyable for anybody.
The Problems with Self-Objectification
I sometimes felt ugly when a few males would make fun of me or not like me. To alleviate these feelings, I tried to change my dress or mannerisms. I objectified my body and felt self-conscious. I noticed other girls did the same, and that stays the same today. Today I know males feel this way too.
A Young Girl’s Heart is Made of a Love So Silly
For many years, my imagination overflowed with sappy scenes full of romantic "high-falluting mumbo jumbo" that I wrote in my stories (Anne of Green Gables). I pictured many kisses, holding hands, and my wedding. It didn't help I read so many sweet romance novels by classic authors like L.M. Montgomery, Louisa May Alcott, Jane Austen, or contemporary authors Jannette Oke and Jack Weyland.
Teaching Children to Communicate One Day at a Time
From a young age, I enjoyed learning about the English, Spanish, Navajo (Dine), and German languages. I could see there was power in the dominant languages and dying languages. Living near the Navajo Nation, I could see grandmothers and grandfathers wanted to share their traditions with their grandchildren who had lost some of those traditions. The grandparents mourned their children (the baby boomer generation) who lost some of the language and traditions at Indian boarding schools.
Let's See Ourselves as More Than One-dimensional
Many times we look at ourselves in the mirror and only notice our physical appearance. We pick on one feature we dislike or preen at another feature we like. For me, I focus too much on my obesity. Yet, we often neglect to see ourselves as multidimensional--like a disco ball. We are so much more: our talents, weaknesses, memories, knowledge, thoughts, and feelings. We may take that perspective outward to judge others based on their most obvious characteristic too.
New Mattress, New Job, New Year to Better Sleep
Since my husband started working from home because of the pandemic, I have subconsciously taken advantage of that fact. I know he can tackle the morning routine without me, even if it's half-shod. Midnight used to be staying up late for me on weekdays, but it became 1 am or 2 am during the pandemic. I felt so stressed and wanted downtime--"me" time. Some nights I waited until 3 or 4 am.