Alicia writes about a variety of topics including mental illness, languages, education and cats. She also loves writing poetry and fiction. Alicia lives in Rutland, England with her partner, cat and dog.
Find her on Twitter: @aliciabrunskill
On the morning that my adventure began, I found myself dozing on my bed. I had already dressed and drawn the curtains, allowing a golden blanket of sunlight to bathe me as I stirred. Summer sounds greeted my waking senses; rustling, flapping and chirruping floated in through the open window. The combined scent of flowers in bloom mingled with fresh grass cuttings and barbecue smoke; wafting in on each fresh current of air.
An Astronaut’s Point of View
I read through the print-out the doctor had given me again. Common symptoms include nausea, stomach and back muscle cramps, bloating, constipation, diarrhoea… All relevant to me. I couldn’t really dispute the diagnosis. Sighing, I placed the pages beside me on the bed and ran my fingers through my hair.
Facing Change Caused by Mental Illness
Many things can cause change in life. Illness, injury, loss, pain or triumph/success to list but a few. We can add to that list the experience of living with mental illness. A life can change enormously due to the need to find methods of coping with the day-to-day symptoms, managing medication and therapy etc. It’s not always easy to deal with these changes, especially when it feels like you have no control over what’s happening to your body or mind.
A Mind Stuck on Terror
When anxiety and depression team up, you can find yourself at the mercy of two unforgiving illnesses. You must deal with a brain that often sees the worst option possible as the most viable and obsesses over just how catastrophic that worst case scenario could be. This can leave you faced with repetitive trains of thought that simply will not stop and that can prevent you from doing day-to-day tasks or falling asleep.
Solitude The silence, the ticking of the clock, the soft winter sunlight on her skin glaring through the trees, threatening sunset by late morning;
Grey is a shade of colour blind that eats you from the inside out. It devours all the primal red that your eyes would see in blood, until your arteries become a conduit for the flow of darkest grey.
This Dark Brain
Thoughts spin and catch, falling into a whirlwind melting pot of what-ifs. Multiplying and spreading faster than she can catch a glimpse.
Recovery Is a Different Road
I wouldn’t precisely describe the journey that I’ve been on for the past few years as recovery from mental illness. I think a better way to describe it would be to say I’ve been learning to manage my illnesses and putting coping strategies in place to improve my quality of life. From the outside that might sound quite cold, clinical even. From the inside, it’s been a process of acceptance, trial and error, patience and tenacity.