Alicia writes about a variety of topics including mental illness, languages, education and cats. She also loves writing poetry and fiction. Alicia lives in Rutland, England with her partner, cat and dog.
Find her on Twitter: @aliciabrunskill
Nowhere for Anxiety To Go
Right now, the Corona Virus outbreak is causing most people a lot of anxiety. It’s taken me back to times when I felt like I couldn’t get away from my anxiety for even a moment; that feeling of being a caged animal or of being backed tightly into a corner with no escape route yet desperately needing to flee. I don’t doubt that I’m not alone in feeling like this.
Just Doing Things
After being diagnosed with anxiety and depression, I started trying to work out what exactly was making things more difficult than they used to be. At first, I thought that it had a lot to do with feeling like I was constantly trudging through a field of sludgy mud, on a foggy day with little idea where the edge of the field was. I still think this has a lot to do with it. More recently, I realised that there’s something else that plays quite a big role, at least for me. I don’t seem to be able to just get up and do things anymore. Instead my brain mulls over the things I have to do, it can feel like just a few minutes to me but when I check the clock, I’ll find I’ve lost hours at a time.
Not Feeling Good Enough
I spend a lot of time paralysed by a voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough or not worthy to follow my ambitions. Some days I lose hours battling with it to get the simplest of things done and it often leaves me wishing I had an off switch for my brain or a way to completely check out of thinking for a while.
Living with Anxiety Long-Term Is Like Living in an Apocalypse
My all-time favourite film is The Terminator. I watched it again on the weekend and it set my mind thinking. Why are all my favourite films/video games on the theme of survival or apocalyptic destruction? Why do I find it so hard to find a comedy programme that I don’t find banal and that can really entertain me? Why do the comedies I like always seem to be tinged with at least a hint of disaster?
The Pressure of New Year
After Christmas and surrounding New Year there’s a pressure to change your life, make resolutions, chart the progress you’ve made, celebrate the passing of the past year and welcome the new one. It’s in the media, supermarkets, the high-street, colleagues, family and friends are full of it.
Emerging from a Long Period of Poor Mental Health
Recently I’ve had a few good days in a row, more than my usual sporadic one good day in the straddling mess of bad ones caused by anxiety and depression. I feel different, like I have a purpose and motivation that just didn’t exist a couple of weeks ago. I hesitated to write this for days and kept it as a draft for even longer because I was afraid that putting it into words might break the magic of feeling somewhere close to normal. I wanted to share how I felt though, because even if it’s only a fleeting period of good mental health, I managed to get here once so I can do it again; and so can you.
Stuck in a Winter Loop
If you’re anything like me, as soon as the weather turns a bit colder and the days start getting a bit darker, your body starts to shut down. It doesn’t matter how much I love walks in the cold, crisp air with my dog, all the joys of snow, wrapping up warm in coats and gloves or chopping wood in the garden; my body has other ideas. My brain does too, part of it seems to conspire against the rest of me and forces its very different idea of daily life on me.
Creating a Website for the First Time with WordPress
I’m not a computer wiz so I’ve been using WordPress to create my first website. It’s taken me on a very rewarding journey so far. As well as teaching me some skills, it’s reminded me how fulfilling it can be to challenge yourself to create something that you don’t think you have the ability to do.