#SingleMomChronicles: Stats

I am a black woman. I have never been married. I have a different father for each of my two children. They are both largely absent, financially and physically. Each of those things alone place me in a certain category of society. Put them all together and I am the epitome of a stereotypical "black mom". Stereotypes are not race or gender specific unfortunately. I am so very tired of the single mom narrative. Y'all know what I'm talking about. Popular opinion suggests that single moms are lazy and just leach off the government. All the blame is always placed on us.Perhaps, had we chosen better men, we wouldn't be single moms. If we can't make ends meet, we need to work more hours or get a higher paying job. Heck, some people have the nerve to say work TWO jobs, instead of depending on the government. I have even heard folks have the audacity to tell a mom that if she couldn't afford children, she shouldn't have had them. Are you freaking kidding me? I cannot speak for anyone but myself, but life happens. It is quite as simple as that. One day I have a good job and life is good, then all of a sudden the whole world is thrust into a pandemic and my mother is in the hospital fighting for her life. She gets better (thank goodness) only for my children to get Covid. Naturally, as their sole caregiver, I got sick too after a while. I lost my job.

We are called "welfare queens" or "trailer trash". Seriously? It seems like black moms are shamed on a larger scale than any other race for using food stamps though. Why does it upset people so much that I get help buying groceries? I never understood it. But, if my children don't eat, child protective services will be at my door with a quickness. Do some people misuse the benefits? Maybe. But I thought "a few bad apples don't spoil the bunch", remember? That is what y'all (society) say about racist police officers, right? There are good cops around and that outweighs the bad. That is what y'all say when it comes to opioids, right? The pills are supposed to help people. There is absolutely no need to get rid of them because there are some people misusing them. Please stop it and get outta here with that. But, it is really people out here protesting government benefits. It is people out here tryna get folks drug tested in order to get benefits. The reason behind it is that if the person can afford to buy drugs, they can afford to buy food or pay rent. I mean, I guess it makes sense. I'm sure implementing such policies will require manpower and supplies. That will cost the government more. If you are already concerned about the money coming from your check for benefits, why ask to give away more? Who the heck knows. Like I said, I don't know. I just know that I am NOT just a number on some list. I am a human being. I am a mother. I will be the first to say that government benefits have put food in my fridge and on my table many times. I truly am grateful. I am not ashamed. There should be no shame in needing and/or accepting help. Some women are too proud to apply for or use government benefits. I'm sure its because of the stigma and shame associated with the programs. Leave people alone man. Life is already hard enough, ok?

As always, I hope this helps or inspires someone. Until next time mamas!

*muah*