At first you're afraid of being alone. Maybe you came from a home that felt more like a battleground; where you were equal measures 'spoil of battle' and 'prisoner of war'. Maybe you heard one too many backhanded compliments as you became a woman.
I would like to think that I am unique, but maybe you have similar experiences. At my age it is easy to say that I have an extensive dating resume. Think back to all of the guys you dated, had sex with, kissed, touched, dreamt about. What would your dating resume reveal about you?
Were I a grandfather clock, female friendships would be the pendulum keeping time ticking; keepers of (life)time, friendships lodged deep in my core – suspended, swaying, rooted.
Let me be completely candid with you, dear reader: I have never been familiar with romantic relationships. Call it whatever you like– shyness, fear, awkwardness– I hadn’t so much as even been asked out by someone. For the majority of my life thus far, I have been incredibly #single, so when my friend Jen (name changed for anonymity, of course) asked me for relationship advice, my response was, “Why? Mine literally happened on accident.”
The cultural mainstream relentlessly promotes the extremely toxic concept of women as saviors for broken men, glorifying gender-based violence in the process. “After” by Anna Todd is yet another infuriating example.
The women who inspired me and left an indelible mark in my life -a catalyst to say is Billie. I am a strong independent women. Fierce as I have had to stand by myself and pull my own self up by the bootstraps. As an athlete, dancer and yogi and a upcoming actress I have to face all sorts of set backs and onstacles ontop of rejection, pain and suffering. Being married and now divorced I have lots of time to think about my self. As a women, as an independent human looking and longing for love in with another human being. My thoughts and memories drift back to Billie. She is a preachers wife. Devoted, beautiful and firecely strong. She knows all the emotions I have and continue to come in contact with. Loss, loneliness, rejection, fear , abandonment, love and loss. One thing she cannot relate to is divorce. She is happily married. She is the picture of love. She is the framework around marriage and commitment. She is submissive. She prefers to be as is her womenly stance but not because she has to be. I use to balk at this. This submissive quality and say no. Hell no. Not me. Yet looking back and seeing this life she has created because I believe we create out reality and therefore our legacy. Billie is the epitome of it. She let it be known she is a strong women yet in that strength she was humbly submissive to her husband. She knew what it was to walk away with genuine love for her partner even in the midst of a heated arguement. She understood timing and responding and not reacting and hunting down another human to finish something that in the end would not have the desired outcome she truly wanted. Billie was a women of great stamina. She would challenge me to think about timing and how critical it was to have a conversation at just the right time. This decision to wait to just the right time has been invaluable to my life. I had 2 years to see how this played out in Billies life and how to pratically apply it to my own. It is a legacy of timing. The art of waiting, the divine ability to hold back until just the right time. Not to soon and yet not to late. Right on time. So many of lifes issues would be settled and have the desired outcome if we humans would understand and be humble enough to submit ourselves to submissiveness. To submit our thoughts, our words and our actions to wait. To not give in and often times lose out. Her marriage, her relationships her life is so plentiful, so blessed so happy because she submitted. She held back and only in perfect timing went forward at the exact moment to execute her plan. It worked. This may not be a big thing in life in your experience but if you look back and evaluate maybe you would be a one step ahead, one move ahead of an opponent and one leap from a life you could only imagine if you learn to watch, to plan, to execute in such a way that you could have everything you ever wanted. Billie taught me a life long lesson. She taught me something that I can apply in every area of my life. The art of timing. The art of not being humble and the art of submissive in accordance with divine timing. Learn this and learn the key to a fullfiing and absolutely joyous life and a legacy that inspires many people after you. If it boded well for Billie. Who is an example of the verse from Solomon “there is a time for everything...” learn this. A time for everything under the sun.
For the longest time I searched for safety, as a child and young adult I was to busy just trying to survive the internal, spiritual and intellectual damage that had been done to me as a result of an abundance of abuse.
At 5:25AM my brand new alarm clock shatters the silence with its incessant shrill: BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. I begrudgingly roll out of my warm blankets, turn on my hair straightener and coffee machine, and settle into my chair to begin applying a fresh face of makeup. Today, though, I move a little slower than usual. Today, I find myself staring at my features in the mirror.
The first time I allowed someone to do what this person did to me, I was shocked. It opened my eyes to something I clearly knew plenty about, but didn't understand until it happened to me. The fact that someone could have so much control over another person's life made it seem less real and more surreal. Hearing about situations like this would make me furious towards the victim. Just leave the person, how hard is that?
It's a sad day when you have to admit to yourself that a home, is not a home anymore. When you can't remember when it ever felt like one. This revelation can take you away from the prison you're in, and make you wonder how you ever ended up inside of it in the first place. I never really knew why he liked to stay with her, it was always something of a mystery in my mind. I think it was a mystery for him, too. But the fact that he had already had one once over, this time around being his second chance - and if, in his words, they divorced then - he'd never find anyone else again. That he would live the rest of his life for him. This was his one chance in his mind. I wish he could get out of it.
I am only a woman who has temporarily set her life aside to reflect on my personal experiences and ideas to share what I feel would inspire you to master your power. My motive is simply to aid you to tap into the source of your immeasurable creativity and sexuality to bring more joy and satisfaction into your everyday life. I have no intention to formulate a step by step guideline; because I believe happiness is prompted through inspiration rather than instruction.
“You know the problem with you women, women don’t know what it takes to keep a man. Women need to learn how to keep a man.”