#SingleMomChronicles: Mom Guilt

I have had "mom guilt" many times over the course of my parenting alone. I just never knew it had an actual name. So what exactly is "mom guilt"? Well, the online dictionary defines it as: "the name given to the feelings of guilt women experience in relation to their children. Mom guilt comes from an unrealistic ideal of a perfect mom.". That is a great way to describe it.

I get mom guilt from leaving my children to go to work. I feel like I am missing out on their lives and work is limiting our quality time. Your children are only small once. I am a single mother, so if I don't work, we won't have anything. No place to live, no food to eat. The car would be repossessed. You get the picture. Mommy gotta work.

I get mom guilt for going out. As a single mother, I am all my children have. Working already limits the amount of time I can spend with my children, so how DARE I cut into that precious time with an adult outing. Far too often, we women lose ourselves in motherhood. We become moms and nothing else. Only being a mom and only do "mom things" can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout. Now you are constantly annoyed and irritated with your children for simply doing children things. We are women first! We had lives before our children got here. Go on that date. Go have that drink. Shoot, go have some sexy time. You deserve it!

I get mom guilt from disciplining my children. I feel so terrible after I am mean to them. I know it may sound silly to some, but somebody out there knows what I am talking about.Like, if my children do something wrong and I scold then punish them, I am secretly sorry about it. I want to immediately grab and hug them and say I am sorry a hundred times. I don't though, I stand firm. Children have to have boundaries and learn to follow rules at home to prepare them for life outside of home. You are essentially setting your child up for failure and a difficult life if you allow them to do any and everything. In the real world, there are rules aka laws that must be followed. If a child grows up and decides not to follow the laws society as set, now he/she is in jail. I know that is an extreme example, but you get the point. Your child won't know about personal space or boundaries. How about knowing that no means no. Now, he/she has disregarded someone's boundaries and gotten into an altercation or something. That example isn't too far off because my youngest daughter didn't respect her sisters personal space and they started fighting about it. They didn't fight physically though, just verbally but the point still stands. So, with all that being said, when I discipline my children, I just say what I need to say an d get outta there so I am not tempted to soften up. Don't judge me, it's a start lol. It is hard, but necessary.

I get mom guilt over my children being left out. I hate for them to be excluded from something. I have come to realize that I feel this way because of events from my childhood. When I was a little girl, me, my little brother and my cousins would be at my dads moms house all the time in the summer. My aunts would come over and take my cousins out places and leave my brother and me at the house. It sucked. Now, neither of my children is ever left out of anything. Like for instance, if my oldest daughter went out with her dad, I would take my youngest out somewhere or vice versa. I never buy for one and not the other. I don't have a summary solution for this one I still very much do this to this day. If nobody told you, you are an awesome mom!

As always, I hope this helps or inspires someone. Until next time mamas!

*MUAH*