You are not alone. Together we can de-stigmatize speaking out about our experiences with sexual harassment, assault, and more.
Letter To Myself
Knowing the future is a dangerous thing, it can manipulate your decisions and leave you living in fear. So, you should know that I would not be telling you all the things that I’m about to if I didn’t think that it was 100% necessary.
God brought me a Budweiser?
I have always believed that words are powerful. That we speak our lives into the existence we live. So, you must be careful what you say.
Okay, so just like many girls have been through stuff so have I. I’d like to say more than people imagine, us girls been through a lot. If you just sit there and tell yourself I wonder if she’s been through certain stuff more likely she has. People who know me don’t know this,but I have been through some in thing that changed me. This is the first time I talk to it in public. Yes, I know I’m beautiful, smart, worthy, caring, and out of all I’m Me; but there’s some people that didn’t understand that they shouldn’t take advantage of us. Like I said in many of my stories before my mom worked a lot and for that reason she would leave us with her friends to take care of us. Until, one day she said we staying with one of her coworkers wife. They had a beautiful home and they were nice. I don’t know what they were to her, but they also took care of the owners kids with us. The lady would treat us like her own. Girls I know sometimes it’s hard to trust people and after I’ve been through this I know also. This ladies husband would call my sister and I to come and sit on his lap while watching T.V.,but little by little as day goes by he would intentionally touch us in the wrong places. He would stick his tongue in my sisters ear and mine and bite it to. He would rub us all over and at the time I don’t think I knew what was going on. I’ve been sexually harassed and even though I didn’t get it worse as many of you guys I still was tormented for life. My trust in older people and my love for Mexicans went away. That guy was Mexican which was why I couldn’t stand my people at all. People who haven’t been through this will say stuff like; Why would that have anything to change you about?”,or stuff like can’t you just forget about it?”. In reality, No we can’t because once a woman been through certain stuff they start building their wall. Some women who are hard to get or hard to open are those victims. I know I don’t like talking about my problems because I never told my mom what happens until the other day recently we talked about it. It’s been about 10 years I want to say. Reason for my relationships with guys have not been the best. I always think to myself am I good enough for him, am I worthy, is he going to judge me, or stuff like will he love me still. I’m here to tell women don’t be scared to open up please we need more strong women out there to help one another. Women should be proud of who they are because we are all beautiful and strong. Girls who been through stuff and you have a boyfriend don’t be scared to open up and be you. I promise you they’ll accept you and appreciate you more. I learned the hard way but that’ll be in a different story. Also ladies listen make sure you speak to people you trust with these things. Honor and make sure you love yourselves FIRST. That’s my story and I know many girls been through stuff like that. I promise your future will get better it’s time to get up babygirl and rise to your future.
It happened on weekends mostly—when he would come down to visit. And it happened for more than five years, the sexual abuse by her brother. At first, it didn’t seem to bother her. It was just something that was happening between them, something they did together. But it got worse as she grew older. She began learning—from friends, from family—that things related to sex were inappropriate, immoral, shameful even. This was when she began to wonder if she should stop what she was doing with her brother. She didn’t know if she should tell someone about it.
She was always there for me. This little voice that penetrated every depth in my soul as if she knew exactly what I wanted to do next.
It is hard for one to speak about the darkest moments in their lives. There is a raw, emotional and mental drainage that overwhelms our thoughts. However, I have been silent for years about the trauma I have endured. I think the biggest fear is that no one will understand why I never spoke up and when I did, why did it take so long? Again, understanding is not what one is looking for when they share their experiences; they are simply looking to share their story. So here is mine:
Hanging out with friends seemed pretty normal for me in high school. Slumber parties, BBQ gathers, Pool parties were quite fun for me. That all changed after February 11th 2016...
She Said No
She said no, but you still grabbed her hand. She said no, but you still hugged her. She said no, but you still kissed her. She said no, but you still didn't listen.
I was 18 years old during the summer of 2009. My family and I were off to Disneyland for a week-long vacation. I had a lot of fun throughout the week until the very last night. I was on my way to the hotel room after having a smoke. I had just come out of the elevator when someone approached me. He was wearing a solid white cook uniform and he rushed up to me to ask if I wanted to drink that night. I figured I might as well get drunk since it is the last night.
I’m Not A Fan Of The #MeToo Movement Anymore.
It is International Day of the Girl Child at the time of me writing this, and I’ve been taking some time to reflect on what this means to me personally. These days, I feel like there is this tendency to create a day and bring awareness to issues-yet there doesn’t seem to be much change happening in recognition of these days or follow up on these initiatives. This year, it’ll be 25 years from the adoption of the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action — the global agenda for advancing the rights and empowerment of women and girls, everywhere. Earlier this year, Generation Equality was also launched as a multi-year, multi-partner campaign and movement for bold action on gender equality. While these resolutions and big drivers for change are great ideas, I’m extremely doubtful that any real adjustment will actually be made.
Sour Apple Tears
November of 2008, Thanksgiving day rolled around, which also happened to be my 18th birthday. No party. No special plans. No company even. My friends were away with family for the holiday. Dinner at my house wasn’t anything too special. I finished my plate of the typical, traditional food, and locked myself in my bedroom for the night.
Dealing With Unresolved Trauma
Trigger Warning: This story contains contents that may trigger others from past trauma. To be vulnerable is to trust and trusting others is my weakest spot of my heart. However, in time life has changed me in ways that help my experience become more 'explainable.'