As a little girl, I was never allowed to wear “booty shorts,” glittery tops, v-necks, spaghetti strap tanks, you get the image. All of these things were deemed “trashy” or “too mature” for me at such a young and ripe age. My entire life I had been taught to fear my body, and fear bringing attention toward it. I didn’t want any male to be attracted to me for anything other than my personality, any other attraction was written off as "negative attention." Being the youngest and the only girl child in my family, I naturally began to rebel against these core values I was raised with.
You’ve finally managed to get the courage and support to leave your abusive partner. You think you can breathe again and start rebuilding your life. Think again. Immediately post separation is a very dangerous time for abused women. Your ex is now furious; you have escaped his control and left without his permission. He is desperate to get his control back. You belong to him and you have dared to think otherwise!
It was going on eight in the evening. The church meeting had let out late, but I didn’t mind because I got to play with my friends and talk about the upcoming Halloween party that the teacher was going to have for us. While we waited for Uncle Lee to hitch the mule to the wagon to take us home, Mama realized she’d left her brown paper bag containing such items as peppermint balls, Vaseline, her handkerchief and some medicine on one of the pews.
When the #metoo movement surfaced, I first didn’t think I had anything in common with it. "That hasn’t happened to me, I don’t know what they mean.” My second approach after reading countless stories on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and everywhere else all these strong women were sharing their stories was, “Okay, well, maybe I have some experiences, BUT I’m too shy and embarrassed to let the world know.” I’m obviously all for women empowerment and women rights, but it was different when it was about me. I didn’t have the courage, and what would my parents say? Would they be disappointed? Embarrassed?
If you (or someone you know) are a survivor of or are experiencing domestic violence whether it be physical, mental, emotional, sexual, some, or all then you know how hard it was/is to actually leave. Everyone has their own reasoning—well excuses (I’m no exception, you’re about to read my excuses).
I am not sure of writing the story of my life and to let it be known. What I am sure is that the only way to liberate myself of this internal jail is through forgiveness. I also know that my first language is not English, however this is a universal language that most of the people in the world speak and I would like my story to be shared with everyone. I would try to give my best.
That night was the night that changed my life forever. Changed my view on men and even changed the way I walk around town. I would have never gone to that dance if I knew what was going to happen. Now, every time that I see him, my body goes cold and I struggle to catch my breath. That monster ruined my life for good and there is no changing that now. I just wish that someone would believe me when I tell them the truth about him.
Alcohol. Some people love it, some people need it, crave it even. Not me. Alcohol fueled with poorly made decisions destroyed me. That and the mystery man. I call him mystery man because I don't have any other label for him. In fact I have zero clue who he is.