Trigger warning: sexual assault, grooming
This is going to be very different from what I normally write. If you are a friend of mine, I would appreciate a check-in with me before you read this. If you are new, welcome. I’m sure this found you for a reason. I don’t want to submit this. I will anyway.
To the man who tried to assault me,
I'm sure you don't remember me. After all, I was just a waitress in a hotel trying to get through the 6th Christmas party she'd served at that week and heading to get more cutlery at 1am while you were stumbling up from the bar. I was just 17 years old when you grabbed me by the waist so hard you left bruises as I tried to walk past you. "Oh baby... baby where are you going?" You slurred into my ear while pressing your erection against my hip. "You don't want to work tonight, come back to my room instead... you'll have much more fun" you smirked as you pushed me through a door and down the corridor. You shushed my protestations and, when I began to cry while saying "please no" over and over again, you grabbed my upper arm and told me to shut up.
Knowing the future is a dangerous thing, it can manipulate your decisions and leave you living in fear. So, you should know that I would not be telling you all the things that I’m about to if I didn’t think that it was 100% necessary.
Okay, so just like many girls have been through stuff so have I. I’d like to say more than people imagine, us girls been through a lot. If you just sit there and tell yourself I wonder if she’s been through certain stuff more likely she has. People who know me don’t know this,but I have been through some in thing that changed me. This is the first time I talk to it in public. Yes, I know I’m beautiful, smart, worthy, caring, and out of all I’m Me; but there’s some people that didn’t understand that they shouldn’t take advantage of us. Like I said in many of my stories before my mom worked a lot and for that reason she would leave us with her friends to take care of us. Until, one day she said we staying with one of her coworkers wife. They had a beautiful home and they were nice. I don’t know what they were to her, but they also took care of the owners kids with us. The lady would treat us like her own. Girls I know sometimes it’s hard to trust people and after I’ve been through this I know also. This ladies husband would call my sister and I to come and sit on his lap while watching T.V.,but little by little as day goes by he would intentionally touch us in the wrong places. He would stick his tongue in my sisters ear and mine and bite it to. He would rub us all over and at the time I don’t think I knew what was going on. I’ve been sexually harassed and even though I didn’t get it worse as many of you guys I still was tormented for life. My trust in older people and my love for Mexicans went away. That guy was Mexican which was why I couldn’t stand my people at all. People who haven’t been through this will say stuff like; Why would that have anything to change you about?”,or stuff like can’t you just forget about it?”. In reality, No we can’t because once a woman been through certain stuff they start building their wall. Some women who are hard to get or hard to open are those victims. I know I don’t like talking about my problems because I never told my mom what happens until the other day recently we talked about it. It’s been about 10 years I want to say. Reason for my relationships with guys have not been the best. I always think to myself am I good enough for him, am I worthy, is he going to judge me, or stuff like will he love me still. I’m here to tell women don’t be scared to open up please we need more strong women out there to help one another. Women should be proud of who they are because we are all beautiful and strong. Girls who been through stuff and you have a boyfriend don’t be scared to open up and be you. I promise you they’ll accept you and appreciate you more. I learned the hard way but that’ll be in a different story. Also ladies listen make sure you speak to people you trust with these things. Honor and make sure you love yourselves FIRST. That’s my story and I know many girls been through stuff like that. I promise your future will get better it’s time to get up babygirl and rise to your future.
It happened on weekends mostly—when he would come down to visit. And it happened for more than five years, the sexual abuse by her brother. At first, it didn’t seem to bother her. It was just something that was happening between them, something they did together. But it got worse as she grew older. She began learning—from friends, from family—that things related to sex were inappropriate, immoral, shameful even. This was when she began to wonder if she should stop what she was doing with her brother. She didn’t know if she should tell someone about it.
It is hard for one to speak about the darkest moments in their lives. There is a raw, emotional and mental drainage that overwhelms our thoughts. However, I have been silent for years about the trauma I have endured. I think the biggest fear is that no one will understand why I never spoke up and when I did, why did it take so long? Again, understanding is not what one is looking for when they share their experiences; they are simply looking to share their story. So here is mine: