My experience took place when I was seven. I’m not going to go into detail, partly because over the years I’ve pushed a lot of them out of my mind. It almost feels like a weird nightmare at this point, 20 years later. Also, I take trigger warnings seriously and wouldn’t want anyone to be affected by the violent details I do remember. What I will say is that it involves being locked in a closet with two younger brothers while the older brother played video games with his back against the door. All of the perpetrators were under 15. And because of something some people familiar with fundamental religions call “the two witness rule” no one was ever charged. My attackers grew up and moved away unscathed. No one ever knew.
I would never be the "popular" girl in school, and I would never be the girl that the "Popular" girls would want in their circle. I was different; maybe I came off a little weird. I was "soiled" and was embarrassed and confused by being exposed and having my sexuality awakened as a little girl by the man who was supposed to be my protector. Could my peers those Popular girls I observed from the sidelines who I was enamored with by the beauty that their confidence brought out of them could they see the dirty secrets I was forced to carry inside of me? Was I the weirdo that at times was the topic of unkind conversation and laughter in their exclusive group? It would take a lot of living life and many experiences well into adulthood that I would recognize that I was more than my sexuality and more than that little girl with shameful secrets.