Begin Again

My passion is helping others who need help. Not just any and everybody. I help survivors and victims of human trafficking, sex slavery and, prostitution by showing them how to help themselves. I help them with family reunification, obtaining transitional housing, drug/alcohol rehabilitation programs, life skills/employment training, parenting classes, physical/mental health assistance, counseling, therapy, and tattoo (branding) removal. We do much more, together.

Why am I so passionate about helping these men, women and, children involved in human trafficking, sex slavery and, prostitution? Because of 2 reasons. I lost a friend who didn't make it out of that world. She didn't get the help that she needed and wanted so much. The second reason is, I was there. It happened to me.

At age 11 my father raped me and I had no idea what to do with my life after that. Most of my life in the early years was in and out of fogs that no one knew was going on. I know that lots of females are raped each and every day with no help. Some do not even tell anyone for fear of being labeled and/or being blamed. So they never get help mentally, emotionally, socially, or physically.

I was raped by a police officer that I had gone to ft kill them they never knew for assistance in getting to my grandmother's home. He said he would take me to jail and say I was prostituting if I did not give him a blow job in the vehicle. Right in the back of my grandmothers' home, he said this to me in the alleyway. I was young and afraid. Neither of which had anything to do with it some would say. You should have yelled or fought him they said. I say, when you are taken advantage of so forcefully and disrespectfully, you don't know how you are going to respond until you are actually the one it is happening to.

At some point in my young mind, I had decided I wanted to be a nun. My life changed drastically after age 11 so, I believed God would not accept me as I was at that time. I was no longer a virgin however, it wasn't my fault or, by choice. My dreams after that were of a white picket fence, a great husband that loved me as I am, 2.5 children, a car, a great job writing, and traveling.

About 5 years later, I was given to another man for human trafficking purposes. I was not aware of this at the time. I thought he was supposed to help me help a family member. It didn't work out that way. After years of meeting strange men, going to strange places and, doing stranger things, I got away and ended up prostituting. Because of the medication and drug concoctions, I was given on a daily basis, I was now addicted. Not only did I have to pay for a place to stay and eat, but my habit as well. I had to because no one wanted a used-up female who has been abused by many, many, many men. Nobody.

There were people on the streets who were not drug addicts yet, white people who had rich parents that disowned them for whatever reasons. They too were out here with me. Some of the ladies had tried dancing or stripping (I did as well). However, between their school, work and, the parents disowning them, they too ended up addicted just to stay awake at school and at work. Soon, they were too worn and used, or just too old for the clubs and ended up on the streets in the allies.

These are the people I want to help. I started with an SSI check, living on section 8 housing assistance. In the hood and no one would help me. So, My grandchildren helped. We and my godchildren across the street, made posters, Facebook posts, Keychains, and cupcakes. Over one hundred cupcakes actually. We then put them in baskets after we cleaned because it was a mess! We had so much fun doing it though! We then took the cupcakes and keychains to a nearby children's home that the boys (my grandsons), were so patient in waiting to be seen by the person in charge, so they could give away proudly what they made. They never got to see the other children that would get it however, I took a photo of them inside the children's home with some of the items. The boys always helped me. They even participated in the silent protest on Watt Avenue in Sacramento, California. The protest had people along both sides of Watt Avenue( popular for prostitution of the very young), holding signs that read, "Real Men Do Not Buy Woman", My grandson's sign read, "My Sister Is NOT For Sale!"

Since that time, I have had sororities, fraternities, doctors, medical professionals, family, friends, and other programs offer to collaborate with Angelwow or just help in some way. It was wonderful but unfortunately, I kept getting threats or followed home by people who did not want us to mess with their money or to help. I also could not make it as a legit 501c3 Non Profit by using my SSI money. I was already going without for myself as it was by using the little money I received to help everyone that I could. I would meet the females in all-night breakfast or coffee spots when one of them would call my number. I then talked to them and listened to their story. I had to judge if they were first being honest (lots were not, learning early to lie to get what they needed to survive on the streets). next, if they were honest, what would be the best way to help this one. Would I send them home to their families with a bus ticket? did they need drug rehab? I never knew until I met and talked with each person, usually more than once. Because they are all different, no matter the similarities in their stories. but first priority was safety. I couldn't leave these women on the streets. it just isn't safe for them. The streets are not safe for anyone.

Next, I would attempt to find out what got them into this situation, and what exactly they wanted to achieve right now in life. Then, we would begin to empower ourselves to do these things with all of the resources I could find to help. I found transitional housing, drug and alcohol counseling, parenting classes, life-skills training, so much help from so many programs! No one knew they were there and some programs stipulated their own rules to the money given to them by the government to help human trafficking victims.

One such stipulation was you had to be trafficked by someone you did not know. The next was you had to be trafficked to someplace you didn't know. Another, well, you get it. They made it difficult for people to get help. In all fairness, the programs were sometimes being abused by the people who needed help, as the ones who were giving it.

I tried to get the police to assist me one time as they had begun a program that you could ride along with the police and observe. My goal was to ride along with them when they made their rounds with prostitutes and help determine if they were serious about getting help or just wanted to bullshit the cops to get off the streets for a night. Yet, the police stated, "How do we know you won't warn the prostitutes instead of helping us?" So I moved on to the next police station and get what I needed. they allowed me to ride with them and that one time was enough.

We had found a building that looked like a warehouse, where there were businessmen dressed in expensive suits, sitting around a long conference table where there were conference communicators on the table, coffee urns, danishes and pens, and pads. Also calculators. There was a huge, larger-than-life screen in the middle of the table. it dangled from the ceiling on a long gold pole. On the screen was a 14-year-old girl naked except for her tiny, pink panties, and the little sports bra with hello kitty on it. she looked very sleepy and had a teddy bear attached to her arm that looked new. she was not holding the teddy bear and her stance was very unsteady. she was drugged and these men were bidding on her, high bids. very high bids.

This was just in one city. There is so much more happening all over the world.

Young girls being lured away while grocery shopping, at the mall, school, bus stops, everywhere. Runaways, Travelers, Girls, boys, men, and women. Boys are taken and given to older men or couples. Females are taken for the joy and exploitation of others. They are all being abused each and every day right here in the United States while we are worried about other countries.

No one looked for me. No one cared that I was gone except my sister and my grandmother, who came over 2,000 miles because my mother was dying. They wanted to find me. They did and I have been safe, clean, sober, and healthy since. But it was not easy. I did have a relapse. That is a part of recovery. I became alumni at the facility and helped others. I began Angelwow to help as many people on the street feel like they are not alone. That no matter what, there was hope. That someone gave a damn about them. They had a choice over their bodies and should not be forced to sell themselves to eat, sleep, survive, or live. I felt alone, lost. and afraid all the time. Anxiety and depression were extremely powerful. I thought no one cared. I forgot to care about myself. I forgot to love myself.

I want to do everything that I possibly can to let these human beings know they are not animals or trash. They are people who need some help. That's all. I would call each community resource to find out exactly had what they offer and for whom, then I would update my own community resource book. I was not happy hearing the clients say they had called these places only to not receieve any info, the number was disconnected, or their services had changed. It was not acceptable to me. Trafficking is a very lucrative business. People need cheap or free labor and have found that threatening and bullying people is the way to get it. Money is power and they forgot all about the good parts of being a human being. These were life or death crises. No matter how much I did or tried to do, it never seemed to be enough. So many are out t certain things beyond understanding.

Now in my life, I cannot completely submit myself to a relationship without thinking he's going to find out if I don't tell him. if I tell him he will leave me. He may use it against me like so many have. Others may tell him first because my past follows me everywhere. I can't get a job in the police force because of that life. I cannot catch up to the life I missed and all that time, I cannot get back. I can't get back to my childhood.

What I can do is help others begin their transition back into society and become productive and contributing members to that society. I can also educate said society on human trafficking. I bet lots of people didn't know that women who need help sometimes place a small, black marker dot in the middle of their palm to indicate that they need help, but cannot tell you that they need help. Some have been saved because of it. In particular, one story I remember is a boy on a public bus watching this female on the bus. She seemed agitated and afraid. Her eyes kept searching all over the place, although her head never moved. it was strange to him. So he watched her. that is when he remembered the training from school. He waited until she grabbed the back of the chair when getting off of the bus and he saw it. The black dot. He got off even though it wasn't his stop and followed her. At the same time, he dialed 911 and explained what he had seen. Sure enough, she had been abducted just recently and he saved her life.

I have flashbacks now and then. Not as much as I use to. I am still recovering after over 40 years. I don't think I'll ever fully recover. but I am a contributing member of society.

I work in hospitals with insurance billing and talk to patients who need help in life or just need to be reassured that their loved one is going to be ok. That they are not alone. I have a life where I make the choices. Who I am with, where I go, and who touches my body. I was given another chance when I should have died. My friend didn't make it but I did. I don't know why. I wanted to die many times. But since I am here. I think about the times when I had wished that the movie Pretty Woman was real and someone would save me. I wished that a rich man would take me away. I wished that a family would take me in and help me get on my feet. I wished that I could fall in love and have someone who cared about me for me and marry me. Then I would get that white picket fence I wanted with the family all of my life. You know, the things I read in the storybooks. Anyone would save me and get me off these dangerous streets and..., just...., save me!

No one ever did. I needed to save myself. Yes, my sister and grandmother came to look for me. I believe I needed that nudge to know someone cared. Maybe God sent them. I don't know. I was just very, very happy they came. More than happy but for lack of a better word right now, let's go with happy. I haven't been happy in a very long time. no one came for my friend. I was all she had. Now, I don't have her. Don't judge others. you don't know their plight. Listen. Learn. you may be saving the life of someone's mother, daughter, son, aunt, father, or nephew. Please, and Thank You!