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She Said No

TRIGGER WARNING

By Tiffani Johnson Published 3 years ago 8 min read
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She said no, but you still grabbed her hand. She said no, but you still hugged her. She said no, but you still kissed her. She said no, but you still didn't listen.

She didn't want your touch. She didn't want your affection. She didn't want your attention. She just wanted to have some fun out with her friends, but you had other plans.

You knew she was going to reject you. You planned for it. You planned all around her ways to say no. You planned out how you would make her change her mind. You knew her telling you no wouldn't stop you. You couldn't help yourself. You had to have her. You had to feel her. You had to have your hands on her body. You had to make her demands feel miniscule. You had to make her feel like her body was not her own. You had to make her feel like she had no control.

You couldn't take the rejection. You were embarrassed. Your friends were laughing. She had to pay. She had to learn a lesson, right? How could she wear revealing clothes around you? How could she expect you not to flirt? How could she expect you not to touch her? How dare she? You are a man. You have needs, and she was going to fulfill them. You would make sure of it.

You were going to show her she was powerless. You were going to show her you were in charge. You were going to show her how wrong she was to say no to you. You waited until she had a couple drinks. You waited until she was less tense. You waited until she was comfortable. You waited until you could take advantage.

I got to give it to you, you were very patient in your plan. You were detail oriented. You planned around everything. You planned around her friends walking away from her. You planned around what would have been her safety. You planned around her trust in you.

Yes, she trusted you. You were supposed to be her best friend. You were supposed to be the one to protect her. You were supposed to be the one she could rely on. You were supposed to be everything good, but you turned out to be her worst nightmare.

You knew all her secrets. You knew how she functioned. You knew just what it would take for you to finally get your hands on her. You knew. You always knew. You planned this right from the start. You were a very sneaky boy. You watched how she rejected all the others. You watched what she would accept. You watched to see what she thought was okay. You watched her fall for someone else, and that's what really set the plan off.

You may have had your doubts, but they were quickly pushed aside. You may have had second thoughts, but you ultimately chose your fate. Your body couldn't take it anymore. Now is your time to strike. You can't wait any longer. She will be moving soon, and you won't have a chance after that. She will be yours by the end of night. Well, only for a night at least.

You got her alone. You knew she was drunk. You knew she wasn't in her right mind. She was almost unconscious. She was incoherent, but you didn't care. You were going to have your moment. No matter what it took. This was your time to shine. Do you remember it? Are you proud of it? Or do you secretly regret taking away someone's piece of mind? Do you remember her weakly telling you to stop? Do you remember her telling you that she didn't want this? Do you remember telling her to shut up? Do you remember telling her she won't remember? Do you remember telling her even if she did, no one would believe her?

You became her monster. You became her worst fear. You became every woman's worst nightmare. You took her trust. You took her confidence. You took her sense of security. You took everything from her. Why? All because you felt like she was a tease. Do you know she still can't be left alone with a man? No matter how much she trusts them, she will never let herself be put in a predicament like that again. She will never trust that a man will have good intentions, if he was to be alone with her.

You got away though, didn't you? You are still walking around freely and probably don't even think of the night you stole someone's innocence. You don't even think about how much pain she has to go through by reliving her story. You don't know how she flinches when someone moves too quick towards her. You don't know how she still stares at her wrists as if the bruises from you holding her down are still there. You don't know she still hears your voice telling her she's nothing. You don't know how she still feels your body pinning hers to the floor. You don't know how you ripped and tore her flesh in your attempts to undress her. You don't know she still has the scars. You don't know how much damage you caused her.

But you don't care, do you? You don't even think about the girl you degraded. You don't even think about the fact that you knew she wasn't drunk. You don't even think about the fact you knew she would never drink, so you drugged her soda. You don't even think about the fact she had to go through detox because of how much you put into her drink. You almost killed her, but you didn't care.

You destroyed someone's life to get something you felt you were entitled too. You told your friends she begged for it. You told your friends she was all over you and willing. You told your friends she was an easy lay. She told her friends the truth though, but because of the lies you spewed they didn't believe her. They told her she asked for it because of the clothes she wore. They told her she deserved it for constantly teasing you. What they don't realize though, is you took her kindness for granted. You took everything she done for you, and used it against her. She was the only one ever there for you before you "nailed" the pretty girl. You took her trauma and used it to get you fame.

What a pity. What a waste of what could have been a wonderful, useful, endearing space. Now you are nothing. How far did that fame get you outside of school? How far did that fame get you in the real world? You have tried to reach out to her, but every time she sees your name she cowers in fear. You are not even near here, but yet you still have so much power over her. She has tried to speak out, but no one believes her. They tell her to forget it. They tell her she was to messed up to remember, but boy she remembers it all. One day you will get your due, because I can promise, that one day, she will be coming for you.

You will no longer cause fear. You will no longer hold power. You will no longer be able to control how she sees her life. She will get passed this. She will become stronger. Her truth will be heard, and the truth will come out. You can't hide behind the mask anymore.

She's speaking. She's being heard. She's learning of other experiences like hers. You are not going to be able to stop her. You won't even see it coming. You will be blind-sided just like she was.

Honestly, I can't wait for the day to come, that she brings justice to her name. I can't wait for the day; you lose all your fame. I can't wait for the day when you cower in fear. I can't wait for the day, and that day is near. Be aware because she's coming with a vengeance. You won't be able to stop her. You will finally know her fear. You will finally know her pain. You will finally learn just how it feels to be shunned and locked away. Oh, how I can't wait for the day.

She was told, "Boys will be boys, the problem will go away." What they didn't realize is, the problem just got worse. What they didn't realize is, they were a part of the problem. We can't let our "boys" grow up to think that when a woman rejects them, to keep trying to pursue them. We need to teach them to leave women alone when they have said no. Rejection is a part of life and needs to be taught how to be dealt with properly.

She told you no, but you couldn't handle it. She told you no, but you went against her wishes. She told you no, but you decided you knew best. She told you no, but you took it as yes. You thought she was playing. You thought she secretly liked you. You thought she would eventually say yes. Oh, my dear, how you were so very wrong.

I know this was probably hard to get through, but if you made it to this point, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read. Thank you for bearing with what trauma you may have experienced in your life to get to the end of this. Most importantly thank you for being strong. Thank you for choosing to be strong and living another day. Thank you for wanting to work through this to overcome it. Thank you for speaking out. Your voice will be heard and justice will be served. Speak up. Speak out. Speak loudly. I am standing with you.

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About the Creator

Tiffani Johnson

Currently 23 with two littles, writing has become my escape

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