God brought me a Budweiser?

I have always believed that words are powerful. That we speak our lives into the existence we live. So, you must be careful what you say.

The bible ‘basic instructions before leaving earth.' reads in Rom 4;17 “Speak those things that are not as though they are.”

So, there it was, I was done. I am in my forties, I am divorced, I have kids that are in college. I have been alone for about five years and never really dated while I was raising my kids. If I did, the kids didn’t know. I waited until my youngest graduated high school, I put my life on hold and now it was time I could try my hand at meeting someone new. I joined a dating site “just to look, “I really couldn’t see myself meeting someone on a dating site.

I finished the illustration of the kind of man I wanted in my life. I didn’t draw him; I drew a large circle first and coming from the center of the circle were lines. On each line I wrote a characteristic trait that I would like to have in a mate. “This is the beginning to speaking the right man in to my life. Write it, read it and believe it.” And what a busy circle this was.

This diagram of Mr. Perfect, I scratched my head and began to wonder “Am I to particular? I have him at 48 to 54 years of age, 6’1 no less; loyal, kind, funny, smart with a good job, white teeth, successful and hot! Those are just to name a few. I don’t believe even though you know everyone isn’t perfect that you are suppose to write it down on the diagram. That would be like asking for trouble. I seriously do not want anything but good in the man that will be delivered to my door, soon!

I hung it on my pegboard above my desk so I could see it everyday and meditate on it I was excited to find out if this was going to really work.

A couple or so weeks went by of my average life as a landscape supervisor. Up at 3 am and home by 3pm. I did not choose the landscape profession, it chose me. I would get on the computer once I got home. Just to sit for a few minutes and check my email.

I logged in to the dating site I had been frequenting. There were always a couple of emails from guys that you automatically judged by their picture. “Too wimpy, too aggressive, ugly.” I read as I went sort of shallow like through the list. “OH, “I said to myself “Who is this that wrote me?”

His profile name was “Buschheir.” Interesting, I clicked on his profile picture to take a closer look.

“Wow, this guy is so fine.” It appeared as if he were a horseman. Pictures of him jumping a horse, pictures of himself in a black tuxedo at a horse show. He looked tall, like really tall. I clicked off to open the email he sent. “You’re beautiful, I would like to get to know you better.” I had to look at his pictures again. “God answered my prayers in my favor!” Yep, God had brought me the perfect man. “Well I am not going to jump to any conclusions, and certainly he’ll have to work hard to go out with me because I am a cut above the rest, no doubt.” I decided to come down off of the cloud before writing him back.

I sat down after taking a shower and opened up his profile again. ‘I need to see if this guy is really as I saw him earlier.” I began to read his profile. It read “My name is Lee and my family is famous for making beer. I am a decorated horse trainer and I am looking for a lady who likes animals and especially horses.” “Famous family? Oh, Busch, Anheuser?”

We conversed a lot right away, although he was very inconsistent. He said he trained horses at night because it was to hot during the day here in Arizona. He slept during the day and myself at night.

In the time that we had talked over messages and on the phone, I made sure to get his name so I could do some background on him. And what I found was not positive, however hopefully could be explained. It would be rude though to ask right away so I would wait till we actually met. He told me people called him Cappy though his name was Lee.

He asked me if I wanted to come out to the ranch to meet and I agreed I would. The area that he lived was deep in the desert beyond Scottsdale in an extremely rural area. Dirt roads, and nothing but. I am not even sure I will get a signal out there. I am going during day so everything should be good. The whole way there I am thinking, “My gosh, Budweiser? That is the king of beers everyone knows who the Busch’s are.”

I pull up to a horse pen, looks like there is a house up the road a little more, but there he was waving his huge arms in the air to flag me down. Looking from the truck this guy is 6’5 and extremely handsome. He wore a cowboy hat like no other man could wear one. He was gorgeous and had a really deep voice. Dark hair great smile. After all the time I spent looking at the Busch family photos before our meeting, he sure looked like his cousins, he looked like a Busch. I was taken back by his beauty so I take a second look in the mirror to make sure I look ok.

“Kim,” he said. “Your more beautiful in person than you are your pictures.” That was a compliment, I think. I thanked him and we walked to the nearest horse pen where he continuously starred at me.

I wanted to only keep starring at him as well. And I had a chance to because he said he had to finish up with the horses before we could go get a bite to eat. “Tall, handsome, so good with those horses” I thought to myself.

We were not the only people there. There were two other girls tending to the horses and conversing with him about the horses. He introduced me to them one by one in the course of the time. Ashely was a thin blonde-haired girl, really pretty and appeared to be really schooled on horses. Her eyes were blue and had that look that she probably came from money. I know that horses cost money and there is a lot of money in horses. She was friendly but looked at me as if she was looking for something a kind of emptiness to her. The other girl, an Apache girl with long black hair really short and kind of tough looking I found out was taking lessons.

After he was finished and everyone was done with the horses, we walked up the road to his place. I was expecting that he at least had a house, but to my surprise he lived in a trailer. He explained that he is between KY and AZ and hasn’t found the right ranch yet to buy so for now, he uses his trailer on his friends’ ranch. That seems real to me and it didn’t matter anyway, he was the real thing. He told me that one of the girls was his ex-girlfriend, they were still friends and that she was from CO and was going to be leaving. He asked if I wanted to go get a bite to eat, I agreed and to his vehicle all three of us went. Yes, all three of us

He said get up front, and so I did. Ashlee climbed in to the back. The truck was filthy dirty full of cans and lunch leftovers. It was the amount of dirt I could not get over. He asked if I was uncomfortable and I really didn’t know how to answer. Did he mean the truck or Ashlee? I said no. Ashlee said “where are we going to eat?” He said “You’re not going anywhere to eat." it got quiet.

Pulling in to town, the town of Scottsdale, Lee pulled up to a nice hotel and asked Ashlee to get out. Told her to get a room and he would pay for it. He got out to talk to her and all seemed to be ok.

We drove off and went to eat. All during dinner his phone was ringing off the hook I told him it would be fine to answer. All of the red flags were being waved in front of my face and I in my mind took a lighter and burned them because this guy was it! God is amazing. He not only brought me a guy who was tall, but also famous! I told him “That is really cool that your family is your family” just like a stupid groupie girl. I said it. I told him that was so impressive I like that a lot. It was exciting. He chuckled and began to tell me stories about his family. By the time our year long relationship was over I would know everything about his mother, father and brothers. It would be funny that I loved that he was a Busch, I could tell you all about Grants farm, Busch gardens and believe it or not, horses. I had the best crash course from one of the best horsemen who came from the best who could afford the best training in the world. I know secrets to getting horses broken and what to look for in a horse. I cared for the horses for months when he was away, alone. I would hop on the famous horses and ride them with ease. I even put my inheritance from my parents in to a horse of my own. His name was DITR. A hackney pony. Diamond in the rough. He looked like a donkey standing still, but when he got to trotting. Whew watch out!

Unfortunately, as time moved forward, he would play unreal games and have new different women around I suspect from the dating site. He would call me Kimmy and talked to me like he liked me and would disrespect me at the same time. He would disappear and show back up with random women. It was supposed to shock me. He would look at my face for the reaction. He played mind games with me a lot about random things he made up in his head. He would tell me how I thought or felt.

One evening I wasn’t prepared to make the drive home I told him I was going to stay. He replied” Of course Kimmy, you know my place is yours and you do what you need to do. I would love for you to stay. In fact, you know I want you to move with me and live together.” I smiled and said “I know, but I am not so sure about why you do some of the things you do anymore” He assured me he is just a crazy ole cowboy and that things would get better. He also said ‘You get some rest; I have to work tonight with the horses and I will see you in the morning.”

I went in and cleaned up his horrific bedroom and laid down. It was late and I hoped to get some sleep. No sooner that I closed my eyes, Lee came in for a break. Sweaty and thirsty he called my name and I answered. He approached the room with a fresh drink and one for me as well. He said’ Cheers Kimmy, to us” I smiled as usual and sat there with him for a moment while he cooled down. He was telling me a story about his family that made me laugh. We could sit for long periods of time doing that. Those Busch stories were so comical. His family is crazy. The stories were the most private stories that if they ever got out, would shame his mother in her grave. His father still alive and his brothers I found out all disowned him. He was the black sheep and to this day I mean blacker than you could imagine. My eyes started getting heavy really fast. I remember hearing a secret society story then out I went. Now he and I had a hard time at first being intimate. There was a strange block between us. That went away but it did not go away and build up to anything like I was about to experience. I would feel like I was drugged before I passed out.

I woke up barely, eyes still really groggy, couldn’t have been asleep to long for the way my head felt. I could feel now see someone on me, no in me. I took my hands and started to push him off. I recall looking up to see him with black eyes and an expression of force and sweat rolling down the teeth gritting mouth movements. It hurt. I said “No, stop it hurts, get off” I wasn’t aware of what was going on. It wasn’t a sweet surprise given the way it was. Lots of women especially my friends would say they would have loved that! They asked me over and again was I sure that it was rape and not him being nice.

After he finished, he said “Get me something to drink” What did I just hear? What was that and what did he say. I’d better do as he says. I am in no position to fight with a guy who is bigger than me by 5 times. I got up to get him a drink as he also got up walked right passed me out the door.

Now, I am not sure about what just happened but respectfully he has never woken me up by being sweet trying to get a little. Nor, has he woken me violently like he just did, didn’t stop when I asked him to? It was completely forcefully scary. What? I was shaking and confused mad and sad all at the same time. I gathered my belongings and left without saying a word.

Do you know that it would be months after on our way to Grants farm that he did that again in a CO hotel room after gaslighting me the whole road trip. He raped me, and when he fell asleep, I went to the hospital and had a rape kit done and kept going all the way back to AZ alone. Girls, rape in a relationship is true. It’s real. It happens You can be raped by your partner.

He called me days after. Said he was glad I was good he had thought I was kidnapped. I told him I would not let him get away with all he had done to me. He acted in shock and disbelief. Another game. I hung up and made plans for my pony and I.

A few weeks later I am tending to my pony still safe as he is not back from the family farm. A courier delivered a letter. Inside was what they call a gag order or a hold harmless agreement. The letter was drawn up by his lawyer informing me that I won’t be talking about what had happened, that I would not call authorities and it would end right now. What an idiot, a paper that basically says he raped me. That going forward in our relationship, we would put that behind us to move forward. “I am not signing anything! Are you joking with me or what?” I wasn’t sticking around for sure.

I called him and said it was a nice try but I don’t think so. I at that point knew I had to get my pony off of his property and disappear for good. He scared me. The only reason I had still stuck around was because of the horses. They had no one but me with him still gone.

I would have to be smart about it to make sure the horses were tended to that I would not be responsible but mostly that they would get fed. After all he was in trouble for a whole farm of horses, he neglected a few years back in SC.

I knew he was still in KY but I was going to make my break soon. I had a plan for the horses and been talking to a private investigator about what to do about this guy. I had gone to a free session for therapy and the owner of the office heard my story and told me she was a PI and I should not let this man get away with what he had done. He will keep doing it. He had the personality to even kill as far as I could feel.

I knew he was on his way back days later. I was feeding the horses was going to shower then leave. I went in the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I opened the second door and thought I heard something. I said” Hello, is someone out there? The first light in the bathroom turned on I could see through the cracks. I said “Lee is that you?” I’ll be out in a minute.

I didn’t have any shoes on and no phone on me. I opened the door.

The apache Indian girl that he knew from when I first met him was standing there with a look on her face like she was going to kill me. She lunged at me and brutally started hitting me in the face and head. I am not a fighter though I tried. I began to protect myself the best I could. Finally to my knees where she then started to kick me with her steel toe boots. The door opened and her sister came in and also started kicking me. I also heard another person’s voice cheering the girls on. Like a trainer. I could feel my face swell up and I am bleeding badly. I get up and start for the door still getting kicked now pulled to the stairs by my hair. I yell no and throw myself to the ground. They let go of me. When I stand up, I see cowboy boots at my feet, its Lee. I look up to his eyes. He said “Oh my, what happened to you?” I ran out, I ran to neighbor after neighbor for help.

The state picked up this situation and charged the Apache girl for what she did to me. Though she apparently didn’t make it to court. Warrant.

A couple of lawyers wanted my case against Gordon Lee, but never took it. The holidays were happening then COVID-19.

The articles that I dismissed in the beginning of the story were true. They would be explained away by him though to look like the women were just after his money.

Lee is still out doing the same thing only to new supplies of fuel. I am still praying hoping and planning that one day, he will have to answer about this. He thinks he is untouchable. He will even admit it. And although it was not god who brought me this man, God will see me through.