Certified Life Coach & Workshop Facilitator specializing in Self-Awareness, Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Resilience coaching. I also write a sometimes.
The Me You Can't See.
I'm extremely emotional today. For several reasons, if I'm honest with myself. And I would like to be honest with myself. I'm not sure how long this will be, but the length doesn't matter to me. My honesty with myself is my only goal right now. I think I've done a very good job of lying to myself about why I'm upset about things in my life. Mostly for fear of seeming weak, or broken, or unsure of myself. So basically human. But the more I teach about self-awareness and emotional intelligence, I'm truly realizing I can't be preaching this stuff in workshops and not being honest with myself when I'm upset about things that deeply hurt me or affect me. Call it a side-affect of childhood trauma, but as a kid, I was never allowed to feel or express my emotions. I had to suppress my deepest fears, anger, anxieties, sadness's, etc. So now as an adult, I still sometimes struggle with acknowledge things that bother me. But after years of therapy tied in with the work I'm currently doing, those faucets are open widely and will not be closed any time soon. So, here goes…
Dear Parents: Your Selfish Choices Have Generational Consequences On Your Children.
My heart is completely breaking right now. I feel a mixture of rage, sadness, despair, anger and hopelessness. It's crazy how you can literally feel so many emotions at the same time. Or maybe, it's not at the same time. Maybe it's that you feel the emotions concurrently, but it's happening so fast that you think it's happening at the same time? I don't know. Who the hell does?
When The Oppressed Want To Become The Oppressor.
Being oppressed, no matter what demographic you fall within, is a dehumanizing experience. Like all traumas, we all process things differently. For some of us, when we experience being oppressed, we actively do everything within our power to stop it from happening to others. Because we understand what it does to you negatively as a person, we would never inflict that on another and actively engage in destroying systems of oppression. However, there are some of us that choose to take a different path; the path of actually wanting to become the oppressor.
The High Price Of Black Success.
There are so few Black people that make it out of the hood and actually become successful or famous to any degree. Usually whenever there is a person that does make it, there is sometimes an unspoken burden that some people feel based on a sense of loyalty to their inner circle; the people who supported the rising star when they were unknown to the larger world. The person who "made it" sometimes mistakenly feels that because a partner was with them when they were unknown, they are a "real one" and can be trusted to go with the them into the life of celebrity or success. Some of them feel that the friends they had from a young age are their "true" friends and would never take advantage of or use them. And of course, where would any of us be without our family? The people who knew us before anyone knew us. These three types of relationships truly get tested whenever a person who has these types of people in their circle becomes substantively successful.
The Price Of Being Black In America: How Wall Street Makes Millions Off Of Police Brutality.
Very little surprises me these days when it comes to anything dealing with racism, white supremacy or white privilege. I’m even less surprised by the ruthlessness that is the American capitalistic economy and what it breeds in some people. But I must admit, when I first heard that Wall Street, big banks and wealthy investors were making hundreds of millions of dollars off of police brutality cases, it not only brought American capitalism to an all time low in my eyes but reminded me that this is really nothing new. The history of this country was built on stealing lands and stealing people to build the “American Dream.” That system has flourished for 401 years. Why should the fact that some white people continue to make money off of the backs and deaths of Black people be any surprise when there is a racist in the oval office?
Black Women: The Most Disrespected, Unprotected And Neglected Person In The World.
“The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman.” Malcolm X said these words in 1962. 58 years later, nothing has changed. At all. As a matter of fact, one could make the argument that with the advent of the internet and social media, it’s probably gotten worse. The Black woman’s body for centuries has been a topic of ridicule, scorn, lust and fetishization from both Black and white men and white women. The Black woman’s intellect even more so. Black women have been ridiculed as not being as smart as Black men, when according to the National Center for Education Statistics, Black women make up 64% of all bachelor’s degrees earned by Black people in the United States, and 67% of all associates degrees earned, statistically speaking. Black women have also been leading revolutions and carrying on movements when Black male leaders were either slain or imprisoned. The burden of the colour of our skin that we have had to shoulder, amassed with having to raise families, take care of elders and maintain social standing and our mental health is and has been beyond taxing.
Dear Black People: Let’s Talk About Our Indigenous Accompliceship And Participation In Their Oppression.
Yesterday was the day some people recognize and celebrate as Columbus Day in the United States. In Canada, it was the federally recognized holiday of Thanksgiving. In both countries however, there are others (myself included) who recognize and celebrate Indigenous People’s Day. For us, this is a day of reconciliation, education, acknowledgement, celebration and accompliceship.
The Illusion Of Inclusion.
I was listening to an interview that Sean Combs a.k.a. Diddy recently did with Charlamagne Tha God, in which he was reflecting on how no matter how successful people like Jay-Z, Oprah and himself are, when they walk into the rooms of corporate companies, they are still treated like N*****. He referred to the few Black people that make it as “an illusion of inclusion,” that he was afraid that the Black community would potentially fall into because they see the Oprah’s and Tyler Perry’s, Dr. Dre’s and Jay-Z’s of the world and think we’ve made it as a people. This made me reflect on my time in the corporate world and how this definitely applied in that setting.
I’m Not A Fan Of The #MeToo Movement Anymore.
It is International Day of the Girl Child at the time of me writing this, and I’ve been taking some time to reflect on what this means to me personally. These days, I feel like there is this tendency to create a day and bring awareness to issues-yet there doesn’t seem to be much change happening in recognition of these days or follow up on these initiatives. This year, it’ll be 25 years from the adoption of the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action — the global agenda for advancing the rights and empowerment of women and girls, everywhere. Earlier this year, Generation Equality was also launched as a multi-year, multi-partner campaign and movement for bold action on gender equality. While these resolutions and big drivers for change are great ideas, I’m extremely doubtful that any real adjustment will actually be made.
A Tale Of 3 Cops.
A few days ago, I witnessed a horrific car accident, where a bus ran into a car that turned into its lane while making a left hand turn at a major intersection. The bus spun the car completely around and then jumped a curb, rode a sidewalk and took out the main stop light pole. This all happened right in front of me while I was stopped at the red light. I immediately jumped out of my car with my phone, ran to the car that got hit, made sure the occupant was alive and then proceeded to call 911. A number of first responders, including police, ambulance and firefighters arrived on the scene within minutes.
Dear Black Men: Protect Black Women, Eh? Okay. Let’s Start With You.
Being a Black woman right now is one of the hardest things in the world, mentally and physically. Having to deal with the visual, physical, verbal, emotional and psychological trauma of seeing Black people’s lives continue to be taken with little to no accountability or justice is gut wrenching. Seeing Black women be put on the back burner time and time again while they continue to be murdered without thought or care for their life is mind numbing. But it’s not just that. It’s single mothers having to be both parents to their kids, while trying to stay sane and healthy themselves. It’s single women having to deal with sexual abuse by themselves because they feel there would be no point in reporting it or worse, little to no real consequence even when they do. It’s women in abusive relationships with men that don’t call the police because they know what the outcome would be. It’s trans women, specifically, being harassed, shamed and degraded in public…yet sought after in private messages on social media.