The Behaviour of Caribbean Lifestyle

This is probably one of the hardest pieces I've ever had to write just now. There are a lot of triggers for while writing this it's been difficult for me to leave my home because others make fun of me and how I look. I went through that in high school, what is the Caribbean an high school after party that never ends. I've never had a spot in this house to call my own until now.

The sad part this is our suitcases something that belongs to us, yes it's full of clothes, yes it's not sad we still have no bed in this house. My mother in-law in encourages me to make a copy of keys so I have my own copy. She said I could even take the keys when I go back to the states. Almost drew me to tears.

It's not been easy for me, mentally going out in public because people are cruel. It got so bad for me, I have to listen to music on my phone just to feel at ease in public.

The phone carriers suck here, I miss using my new phone from Cricket Wireless.

It's never easy because I wish I could cook and buy what I want. I wish I could stop feeling this incomplete feeling.

But I never will stop feeling lost.

My mother in-law though I love her she is overbearing, and extremely critical on her youngest son.

In some cultures the last born is never ignored. In this culture last born children are forgotten.

The way the citizens treat animals is inhumane.

It's never easy the way they define people with mental health issues like depression, bipolar, and other mental health people who are stable.

As a white woman in Saint Lucia I'm labeled as a rich woman something I am not. I'm middle class, when I'm in Rodney Bay grocery shopping with my husband my anxiety seems to grow. To the point I don't want to eat. I know I can't do this anymore so , I try to push through this.

I miss driving where I want. Now I have to earn and start all over again.

The traditions here are craziness, with my anxiety increasing I wish I could walk out not be noticed.

I just wish I would walk outside not get noticed, or I could take off in my car. I wish it were that simple. Right now it's not so much.

I only hope that I win first place so I can go to Miami to get my medicine or my mental state will be nonexistent and I know the goddess would never do that to me. I am working hard to earn money working so hard, I really hope I win the poem challenge first place, or one of my articles goes viral. That would be great, I could use a little bit of good news. I can't stand mosquitos at this point, the whole lot of them can just leave me the hell alone.

I've been trying so hard to make the best of this experience because there has to be a hidden message behind this. So far I've learned my fair share of unnecessary hard lessons.

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