Survivor of Many Things

The struggles are real, as I feel it everyday. Today, is the first time I ever got to do something on my own in a long time. My husband tries me as though I am a broken wing that always needs to be looked after. As if I am going to break at any moment.

But for the first time I went out alone to the store and I loved it. My husband will learn when it comes to me that I've never been one for being told to stay in one place for to long.

My struggles with anxiety is endless, but it feels good to just face these fears.

When did my anxiety begin? I think it started getting really bad when my former family pretty much abandoned me. It was the hardest thing I ever did but I wanted to is shape my destiny.

I've always been socially awkward because my grandparents goddess rest their souls didn't let me have a social life outside of school because of anger. This was hard for me, all I ever wanted was friends. Defining how I feel is probably the hardest thing I ever done. Why you may ask? I don't want to be socially awkward anymore so putting myself out there has been not as difficult as I thought it would be.

Can anything happen? Of course it can, I just want to make new friends. I miss having my independence and my husband gave that to me. This is huge news for me, working towards something I desire most.

My triggers have been going on for as long as I've been in Saint Lucia.

1: Witnessing a child getting beat by the belt as a punishment. (Only in the Caribbean)

2: Feeling closed off when surrounded by to many people in small grocery store areas.

3: Hearing others arguing: It brings back all of the memories of my childhood hearing people always arguing.

4: Being pushed into stuff I don't want to do.

5: Feeling couped up like a prisoner even though I'm one.

I fear my mother in-law but at the same time I respect her. I have no choice put to show her the most respect.

I don't want to upset anyone by speaking my American nonsense. It's never easy to share my feelings or triggers. It doesn't matter how I feel about this I just have to survive until I have the money to go back to the states.

I will miss my friends here then again they don't even know I'm back. And have been back in Saint Lucia for months.

I don't understand a whole lot right now.

So, as a survivor right now living on this island it's like living in a different universe.

My ways of surviving this house is escaping to movies, TV Shows, writing, working on my businesses.

My only distraction and surviving the island is Wi-Fi.

I realized how I feel is hard for me to share but I dream about purchasing a car and owning one again.

My only hope is to win a challenge and a few articles going viral so I can receive my treatment.

Thank you, for reading my content please like, comment and leave a tip if you want. I would really appreciate this. It's been hard working for this, all I ever wanted is to go back to eat what I want, to file for my husband, and build a home back where I used to live.