Poster Child for Depression

Have you ever been the poster child for depression? I have. It was not a very pleasant time of my life. Nobody likes you when you're depressed. It's a hard truth but it is there and it is very real. And this pandemic has not been easy for anyone.

Depression is harsh, cold words for the ones that you love the most. It's laying in silence in a dark room with the blinds drawn for as long as possible. It is a sinkful of dirty dishes that never seem to go away. It is forgotten meals and missed engagements; piles upon piles of laundry that just seem to tower over your head. It's addiction. This is depression. She has many faces. Many of them are ugly.

Nobody showers you with love and affection like they do in movies and television series. If by some miracle you do get some attention from your loved ones, you kind of wish they wouldn't even make an appearance.

How do you deal with the stigma behind getting help for your mental health? How can you feel the support that is supposed to be coming from your loved ones when just the fact that you're taking anti-depressants is enough to scare most people away?

There is no shame in struggling to answer the phone. There is no shame in taking anti-depressants. There is no shame in talking to a therapist. There is no shame in being suicidal. There is no shame in talking about the medication side effects. I do not see the point in judging someone on their mental wellbeing when I have never been where someone else has, and that is okay. My mental health is not gossip. It is a part of me. My depression does not define me but the stigma behind it does. How is that fair?

When my anxiety calls me up, I wish I could decline the call. I am not joking. When I start to feel the rising, bubbling panic, I begin to shut down. It is not fun for me. Panic attacks are not romantic. When they happen to me, I feel embarrassed. Because I cannot always control what triggers me. It could be an upsetting remark or a loud noise that catches me off guard.

Something that I am currently challenging myself to do, is to switch up my own internal narrative. Something has got to give at some point. Believe me, I am no stranger when it comes to circumstances, but the bottom line is this. You hold your own power. You hold the keys to your words and your choices directly affect the outcome of your life. So take this from me, it is much easier getting help for your mental health rather than struggle in silence.

Depression and anxiety are not a picnic to deal with. They both truly go hand in hand. There is no shame in getting help for your mental wellbeing. And do not ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I will never be ashamed of taking my anti-depressant daily because I know it helps me function. I know it makes me a better human being, a more patient mother, a better friend, and a more caring partner. I will never be ashamed of struggling with my panic attacks because I know me. I know my story. I know what I have been through. I will not be defined by my depression and panic disorder.

When you take the time to maintain your mental health, the rest of your life will continuously fall right into place. Taking those small little steps like faithfully taking my anti-depressants has been helping me move forward with my life.

One day at a time has been my depression motto for a very long time. One day at a time has not gotten me very far, unfortunately. That is hard to admit to myself. At some point in time, something has got to give. You decide when you want to give up being the poster child for depression. It is not an easy task, but I know that you have got this in the bag. You will be able to handle more than one day at a time eventually. I promise you that.

Chloe Rose Violet

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