On Favors

A reason is not required to say no to a favor

I had occasion to ask someone for a favor recently. I will not indicate the relationship of this person to me, nor relay the nature of the request as in my view these things are irrelevant, or should be. The person said no and then proceeded to give a litany of reasons why they could not do this particular favor for me. While I could appreciate the impulse to try and soften the blow, or make me understand their position, or whatever I began to wonder why this person felt so compelled to provide such an exhaustive list.

When I ask a person for a favor, implicit in the ask is the understanding that saying no is always an option, Do not ask for or expect an explanation when asking another for a favor. If you do you are not asking for a favor, but rather playing an elaborate extortion game.

There can be zero negative ramifications to saying no to a favor

Should the answer to your request for a favor be a no, there should be zero negative ramifications, irrespective of the reason(s) for saying no. If you cannot agree to this, then you should not be asking for favors.

When asking for a favor you forfeit your right to anger or dissatisfaction at the manner in which the favor is executed

If you ask someone for a favor and they honestly attempt to deliver on this favor, but do so in a manner which does not meet your expectations, you have zero right to be angry, or to complain or to hold this against the person in any way. Implicit in the asking of a favor is the understanding that an honest attempt to deliver on it is appreciated no matter the outcome of the attempt. Even if they totally fail to deliver on said favor for a legitimate reason or even semi legitimate reason you have zero right to be angry. If, for example, a friend agrees to give you a ride somewhere as a favor, but then has a work emergency at the agreed upon time and cannot deliver on said ride, you have no right to hold that against them. Even if they simply forget they agreed to this favor you cannot hold it against them. The only instance in which you could hold this against them is if they agreed to give you the ride but then, with full knowledge of what they were doing, intentionally did not pick you up. In any other circumstance your correct response is to say thank you for agreeing to do me this favor, it is ok things did not work out, you were doing me a favor in any case. Is this unfair and possibly painful for the favor asker, yes, it is, but so is asking for a favor in the first place. It is an inherently unfair thing to do. That is why it is called a favor. You are asking the person to do something they normally would not do because you cannot or will not do it without them. The entire process of favor asking and giving is based on unfairness to one of the parties involved. It is also, in most cases, based on mutual understanding, friendship, love, or many other positive human traits, and it should be approached in such a manner by both the favor asker and favor giver with that in mind.

Favor asking and favor doing should never be taken lightly or over used

Because the process of asking and giving favors is inherently unfair it should not be taken lightly by either party. Before you ask for or do someone a favor review these rules and ask yourself bluntly if you believe you can abide by them. If you cannot, do not ask for the favor or do no do the person the favor they are asking for. The potential for relationship destruction is very, very high if favor asking and giving is abused and these rules are not respected. Do yourself and all your family, friends, and acquaintances a favor (pun intended), take them to heart, live them. Everyone, yourself included, will be the better for it.