My Reentry Into the World Since My Fear of Covid

Reentry into the world is hard when life still feels so unsteady and you're in a holding pattern. Personally, I've been having a rough time when it comes to trying to reenter society, following COVID.

My difficult reentry back into the world has caused me periodic bouts of anxiety. Up until recently, I'd been giving in to the anxiety. What did that look like?

Well, whenever I found myself at the laundry mat or the grocery store and there suddenly seemed like too many people around for me to deal with, I scurried back to my apartment, back in my bedroom where I felt safe.

I told myself it was perfectly normal. After all, everyone is feeling the pressure of trying to be okay whenever we step back out into society.

But that was way back in early 2021, and now people, places, and most things have opened back up. Most things, except me it seems. I still feel stuck, and unable to reenter the world.

Or rather I was still stuck. But I finally put my foot down and forced myself to try harder. I knew I couldn't stay hidden in my room forever. So I made a plan, and to my surprise, I managed to break a little ground.

First a Bus Ride, then the World

Determined not to be the last one in the world to reenter civilization, I made myself get on a bus for the second time in nearly two years. My destination was the neighborhood community pool. It seemed like as good a place as any to try to rejoin the human race.

On the short bus ride, just 20 or 30 blocks, I tried not to count the number of passengers, knowing that it would just freak me out. They all seemed to have on masks, but I was still too nervous to consider exactly how many people I was suddenly stuck in an enclosed space with.

So instead of counting people, I thought about how much I had been missing the swimming pool. It had been close to two years since I last went swimming, about three months prior to the virus outbreak.

As the bus rattled down the street, I stood holding on tightly, and kept my mind on the pool. I prayed it wouldn't be crowded, although I knew it wouldn't be.

Not only was the weather overcast and a bit chilly, but I had already phoned ahead, to find out about the pool. I spoke to one of the lifeguards on duty and asked whether the pool was crowded. He assured me that it wasn't.

About two blocks before we reached the destination, I heard a muffled cough in the back of the bus, and my body immediately tensed up. I felt panicked, and thought about shouting to the driver, and urging him to let me off before we reached the stop.

Somehow, I managed to keep it together, and I kept still until he stopped the bus just outside the brick building the pool was located in.

I stepped off and luckily, all my anxiety stayed on. By the time I shimmied out of my blue jeans, tucked my belongings in a locker, and showered quickly before going to the pool, I was feeling at ease.

I stood at one end of the long swimming pool and stared at the inviting water. The life guard had been right; it was practically empty. No more than 20 people were scattered about in the pool.

I stuck a toe in the water to test the temperature and was pleased to feel the warm water on my skin. I smiled to myself and was happy and proud that I had made it to the swimming pool. That's how I knew I was finally ready. To enter the water, and to reenter the world.

I dove into the swimming pool, and spent the entire afternoon enjoying being back in the world. Afterwards, I showered, and happily caught the bus back home.

******************************************************

FOLLOW JUSTISS GOODE FOR MORE PERSONAL EXPERIENCES, SHORT FICTION, POETRY, ADVICE AND LIFE LESSON STORIES TO HELP IMPROVE YOUR PSYCHE - Enjoy a little bit of Justiss every day :-)