My Life as a Married Woman and Therapist

From a couple's counselor: Yes, that is what I have done for a part of my career.

A few interactions with my husband one day.

I was complaining about the 5 days I go off of progesterone each month and how my brain leaves along with it! I asked the pharmacist about something that might help me during those 5 days.

She sounded panicky and said, “Does your doctor know you are doing this?” I told her it is in my chart, and I have been on the same stuff for a few years. Then she again told me she recommends I talk to my doctor or my gynecologist.

I told her I have both and she said, either one. The one you can get into see first. It is the gynecologist. Not mine but another one is available.

When I get home, I tell my husband I sure hope they don’t decide to take me off of the topical progesterone cream I use every month. At least I still have my mind most of the month.

He said, “Oh?” Like he was disputing that I have my mind most of the month, so I asked him, and he laughed. We both laughed. I started to feel better. It isn’t such a big deal really. I will deal with it when the time comes.

Then I thought this was funny as I can get gassy from eating beans, so I told him that he will be happy to hear that I have been eating more beans. He said, “You are already stinky enough!” I told him he was just saying that because my new nickname for him is stinky.

He will leave the bathroom door open when he is in there and it is right next to my office.(aka spare bedroom).

Then he says, “Time to get up, time for your exercise.” I told him that he exercises enough for both of us. Then I said, how would I explain you and our relationship to couples I have counseled? Then we both laughed as he sneaks over to me and quickly puts his hand in my shirt.

He said, “Explain that! I would like to hear that explanation!” He laughs and then says, “Tell them we are in love, playful, best friends and laugh a lot together. They would be jealous to see even a small part of our life together.”

Then he told me again that he is living his dream with me and his life in retirement.

In my work with couples and families, I would like to see the whole family. Sometimes the whole family includes a grandparent, staying with the family, an uncle or another family member in my culture. Many times, referrals come from providers that don’t understand that.

Most people are not used to referring families or couples. Insurance is set up to cover the individual. Many therapists do not have the training to work with families.

Depending on the age of the children, I would like to see a picture of their family they may draw. It is even okay if they draw that picture together. They can do separate drawings if they like. I would accommodate that too. I can get a lot from the picture(s) they draw and the comments that happen.

It was usually the youngest that would speak up when I would ask why they are here to see me as a family. Again, they were always right on. Our little ones know more about what is going on than we give them credit for.

With the family's input, I would have homework for them. Then I may see the parents alone after a session or two with the whole family. Then I would see everyone again. Sometimes mom and the kids, or dad and the kids is necessary too.

In working with couples, I would catch on fairly quickly where we were going. Perhaps even before they knew. Some couples would come in because they were at the end. Not knowing what else to do before they go their separate ways. Hope still remains that they can fix the break.

While other couples/families may be there to assist with blending families. That is a different and an important opportunity to have some assistance to do that.

And still other couples are there because they need help to separate and to do it without harming themselves or their children if they can.

It was a good experience and if I didn’t have to move for my family, I would have loved to work there for longer! I was recruited to a place where my husband's work was at the time.

This is where I began more management positions, after years of substance abuse counseling and mental health therapy. Today, I am retired and work just part time. I am a culture consultant, train counselors and continue to have a group every week at a mental health crisis shelter.

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First published by Mindful Mental Health on medium.com