Loving a Drug Addict

This is one of the hardest things iv had to write as i am very passionate about this subject. I am doing this as closure for myself but to also help others dealing with their loved one being an addict. Drug addiction is never easy for those suffering and those around them especially the ones who love them. There is no easy way out when someone is addicted to drugs unfortunately and that's just the harsh reality. It takes a great deal and the mind set of WANTING to over come it. Loving someone as we know is so powerful and strong that it blinds us from the bad and makes us hazy to see their wrong doings. It makes us more prone to forgive because we care so much. We also care too much that it makes us angry, bitter and aggressive because we don't know how else to show our care for them. This is my story battling the side effects of being in love with an addict.

I met my ex partner in early March of 2018. We were honestly great together. Then night we met i actually made the first drunk move and told him his brown eyes were the most beautiful things i had ever seen. whilst tears begin to fill my eyes writing this i remember we used to talk of the most intriguing things at the beginning of our relationship like if aliens exist, if we were on a desert island which item could we take etc etc. I enjoyed our time. We used to go out and have fun, get drunk, take photos and enjoy life as young lovers. This lasted for a while and as time progressed i started noticing differences in him. His cheeks sunk, eyes strained open, his attitude got worse. I ignored it for some time and assumed he was on his man period but months went by and i had a suss feeling there was more to his moods. I asked him what was going on and knowing his family had a past of drugs i asked the question if he has been using. He denied until one day he told me the truth. He had been using methamphetamine for a period starting before our relationship right up until the end in 2020.

Your all thinking "oh asif she didn't know!" haha. The truth is, i did know. Deep down i knew he was upto something but i didn't want to believe or except that the one person i trusted with my life and heart would do this and behind my back. Later after we split i found out he had been messaging other girls, using constantly and for long periods of time with the wrong people. I always advised him to not hang around his old friends, they were bad news. Id ask where he was and if he was coming home for dinner, he said later i'm with so and so or i'm working late. I didn't suspect he was cheating. i didn't think he would lie to my face but we think we know someone.. i'm not here to talk dirt about him because he honestly taught me so much and made me into the person i am today and have the knowledge about how to be strong and how to pass on advice to people struggling. Call me silly for staying with him but i was so in love with this individual. i didn't deserve what i got put through but the love i had for him made me strong for the both of us. I helped him, talked to him for hours about his mistakes and suggested paths to take to deal with his addiction and informed him his life would spiral down if he carries on this way even though my heart was broken.

If your dealing with someone whether its a lover or family member or even your friend with an addiction the first step is trying to talk to them and see if they are okay. You need to make sure that they know they are not alone and there is help provided for them if they want it. Many, if not most wont want to accept the fact they have a problem and will get aggressive. The mistake a lot of people make is they fall into a circle of supporting their addition. The addict may ask for money for shopping when really the percentage of them using it for drugs instead is higher. We worry what extent they will go to, to get money for their next hit so we give in and give them money. DON'T. Keep yourself safe. Never put yourself in dangerous situations which may involve drugs or violence as its common among addicts. Take time for yourself and assess your situation. Looking after someone on drugs is an extremely tiring thing. Your constantly losing sleep over where they are, if they will come home, what trouble they may get in and even if they are dead. Iv been told "dont worry". I used to get angry and think how can i NOT be worried i would give my life to insure this boy is safe. I realise now i put myself in silly situations to protect this person it resulted in me getting hit, abused mentally and physically and above all suffering with a mild PTSD. We do so much for love but its one of those situations where we need to realise we can only do so much. We can provide these addicts with all the love and support in the world and we can talk to them and cry in the door way pushing them back in the room crying screaming "i want the old you back!". However, in my opinion, they will not change unless they reach rock bottom and WANT to better themselves. That's if and when you step back in and say okay, here's this this and this, go get help. I'm here for you.

The DON'Ts in dealing with drug addicts are more important than the do's i think. Don't scream or shout at them, they will often feel attacked and their sense of emotion will come back for a slight second seeing you upset will trigger them and normally it will be an anger guilt fuelled emotion. From this they will try distance themselves from you as an escape. Your best to remain calm and understanding with them. Although this is painful for you it is twice as hard for them. Don't give financial help unless with supervision eg being at the store or getting clothes. They will 99.9% of the time use it for the drug. Don't feel as if you need to baby them. Looking after someone and babying them to the point that they are living the life 5 star hotel experience will not push them to want to better themselves. It will not want them to seek change if they are getting waited on hand and foot. To them, it'll be cooked meal, clean clothes, bills paid AND drugs! SCORE!. learn the difference from supporting and enabling. Don't lose sleep or yourself in this battle. Rebuild your own life and do good for yourself so then at least you have yourself to fall back on. Lastly don't let your loved one change your opinion on them. This one is a little throw in. I know that some addicts your dealing with may do some horrendous things that make you hate them but for those like me who had someone they loved and saw them change and deteriorate FROM this drug, you see the good through the drug fuelled eyes. Although they are at their lowest point or if they have become someone new, it's still them deep down. They just need to be freed. Addiction takes time.

For those wondering, my ex partner was advised by me and his supporting family to move to another part of Australia to a mining town and get a job in the mines with the place having a population of only 2,000 ish people. He still keeps in contact with me as we are good friends. I'll always have a spot in my heart for him regardless of the past. With regular drug testing at his job and a determined mind, he has been clean for 6 months now.

I hope this little advice section helped a few people with their uncertainty with how to cope with an addict. If anyone has any specific questions please don't hesitate to contact my email [email protected] and ill give all the best tips and advice i can to you as a personal matter.