Half Love

Has anyone ever been with someone and realized at one moment they may not be compatible or your only just starting to accept the fact that you belong in different worlds? You begin to notice their faults and they override the good qualities they have. You then notice they have fewer good points about them than bad altogether. We often ask ourselves where we as individuals went wrong. The important message here is to note that it isn't always us who are at fault. We do some much for the person we love we tell ourselves we don’t mind and often your partner may not show as much care for you without you even noticing. Stand back, step into an outsider's shoes and ask yourselves, is this the relationship id show to my kids in a documentary? Is this the teaching of love I want to inflict on generations to come? The answer is often no. We shy away and become embarrassed dealing with it but now you’ve realised it's time to not accept a half job for love, you don’t deserve to be half loved. We need to become selfish in protecting our hearts from half affection and inconsistent bonding. Me personally have had this with my past lover, in the sense that I was giving my all. I was blinded by love so much so that i convinced myself it was normal to not be treated this way in return. I liked to care for my other half which is normal BUT I couldn’t see that I wasn’t receiving the affection and team building partner I wanted.

We must step back and depending on our partner and how bad your situation is, we must at least try to solve the issue without taking drastic measures of leaving first. Approach your partner and start by asking what they want for dinner, breakfast, a snack. This approach is calm and distracting without coming at them with your thoughts in which they may become defensive. Whether they want the offering or not, you begin to say “well we should have … next week, we should cook it together” they will agree or nod in the usual dialect. Then start by encouraging the fact that you both need more time together and jokingly shift the conversation onto them. “you should cook my favourite dish next week it'd be nice and a big help”. They shouldn’t find this approach aggressive because in normal life especially as a young person we follow everything we want to say to a person which may trigger them followed by a giggle, a ‘haha’. This technique takes away the harshness or aggression from a comment. Your partner may be taken back, always be the calm one. You're not accusing them of murder your wanting to get emotions off your chest, cards on the table and try something new. Then you can start expressing yourself lightly and request for BOTH of you to do things together before you tell them to step up in the relationship. Then follow with what they need to be more involved in whether your partner lacks intimacy interest, doesn’t take turns cooking, lack of affection or nice words. All our partners will be different with different mindsets too.

Start off by lightly stating that you’ve had a hard time lately and wish for them to help with small tasks like dinner, bins, bathing the kids..etc. If this task is completed by your partner, show how much you appreciate them and how much their efforts have impacted your happiness. Ideally this will make them feel good seeing you happy (thats if their not a complete a@@hole). Suggest that they should help you more often as it’s a help in your day to day life as well as rebuilding your foundation in your relationship. Don’t forget to add in what you need and want to say to them. It's so important to talk and discuss feelings and issues in your relationship in order for the problem to be resolved. It’s the approach on how we say things that makes a difference. Don’t forget when we address problems there is always the chance of the other person to feel attacked even when they may not see the issues in what they do or how they are affecting you. If your lover is lacking intimacy interests with you and hasn’t explained why, ask. Yes, it may be as easy as they are tired from work or the kids or they might just not be feeling it tonight. Don’t take a couple of “not tonight's” to heart. Only ask “why this pattern of disinterest” if it really is a pattern cold shoulders in a row.

I wanted to start my journey on Vocal with a true topic of love which is such a common emotion used in everyday life and many of us can relate so hard with love whether on a positive or negative side and hope to inspire and open the minds of everyone no matter what age or sex or love situation you may be in. I will be writing a couple of times a week on here with all sorts of topics but this month I want to focus on love and the hardships we face whilst we are all cast upon its spell. Some stories or journal entries will be fiction and other nonfiction. I will be giving advice and my personal thoughts on topics which also will be honest and true to what I believe as a functioning human being.