If You Could Choose Your Age...

Which choice would be yours? Make your selection before reading the post.

Ageing affects people in so many different ways. For some it is highly problematic, and for others, like me, it’s just another stage on their life journey.

It seems that the degree of comfort we feel in our own age is a strong indicator of personal confidence, our attitude towards the ageing process itself, and our general feeling of wellbeing.

Yet the anxiety, or peace, we feel about getting older is not just about the physical process of ageing itself. It also relates to how we interpret what that passing time means to us. Ageing tends to expose our relationship with our own worth, how we feel about our progress, and the autonomy we have. In effect, it acts as a mirror reflecting whether we view life as an expanding journey of confident self-possession, with gains still to come, or as a slow, agonising process of loss.

Why Some Feel Comfortable with Ageing While Others Resist It

Those who feel comfortable with the ageing process tend to age with a sense of ease. They see getting older not as the end of youthfulness, but as an addition to it; one that gives their youth depth, wisdom, and self-knowledge, keeping them mentally younger for even longer. For these individuals, the trade-off is clear and worthwhile. For example, in exchange for smooth skin, or athletic peak, they gain a quiet internal authority, an immunity to the superficial opinions of others, and a settled understanding of who they are. They no longer feel the desperate pressure to prove their worth to others, or even to compete with them, because their foundation is internal rather than external, being tied to their self-worth and value.

Those who struggle and experience deep anxiety, or grief, around ageing often view life as a process of gradual  decline and relegation. They feel trapped on a path where every passing year robs them of relevance, attractiveness, control, and opportunity. For them, ageing feels like being slowly pushed to the margins of their own lives. If their identity, self-esteem, and social standing were built primarily on superficial assets, like physical appearance, external validation, status, or career momentum, the loss of these assets would feel like a threat to their very identity.

One of the biggest factors in how we view ageing is whether we have good health, financial stability, and independence. It is difficult to feel emotionally comfortable with ageing when it is accompanied by acute physical suffering, financial anxiety, or a loss of autonomy. The fear of becoming a burden, or of being placed in a position of powerlessness where others dictate one's daily life, is one of the most potent fears around growing old.

In general, ageing is terrifying to those who feel unprepared to leave one life stage for another. However, those who have confronted their fears, and have lived and loved authentically, tend to face the later chapters with peace, while those who have lived merely to please others, and were constantly deferring their own lives, often greet ageing with bitterness and regret.

Additional Thoughts

1. If you could instantly switch your perceived age (how old you feel now and how you experience the world) to any age you’ve already lived, which age would you choose and why? (Focus on the mindset, not just the memories!)

2. Which do you currently value more in your day-to-day life: the physical energy you had at a younger age, or the life perspective and wisdom you have now? Would your choice have made any difference to a particular situation.

3. If your current self could send a 12-word message to your self of 10 years ago, what would the message be.

Share it in the comments.