Humiliation and Addiction -Joe’s Story

I talked to Joe on the phone. He first tells me that he has no experience in addiction. Then he starts to tell me about his best friend and his brother who did have trouble with addictions. Joe grew up as the youngest child and he did not do things that involved substances, he was afraid of everything. As he got older, he become very outgoing in his community, he liked to help people. He did not realize his brother had an addiction until he become an adult.

His friend relapsed and went wild and crazy he describes.

Joe had not had any issues with any types of addiction, nor his children. Joe describes his brother trying everything including pills, different types of drugs, but Joe is not sure of the full story. Joe’s brother Tim always looked at Joe as his little brother and when he talked to him it was just for encouragement and support. Tim would come to Joe to talk to someone, to share things he was going through.

Joe does not know specifics; his brother would just tell him he used everything.

I asked Joe if he knows why Tim started to use drugs. He tells me yes, he thinks mostly from humiliation, having low self-esteem about his own sexuality.

Tim is gay, he had grown up with a lot of self-doubts, feeling of not being worthy. Joe feels that sometimes people respond and act out because of societal pressure. I asked Joe what made Tim stop. He did not know, and he was not sure if he had stopped. He is functional, he has a job, but he has always done that he always had a job and used drugs before. He had problems with drugs and reckless behavior.

Joe never asked, he does not want to be that person.

He does not want to be judgmental. Joe perceives that his brother seems to be well, not seem to be having problems. Although he did not seem to be having problems even when he told Joe about it before. Joe, he tells me:

” you don’t know what you don’t know”.

Not getting involved, not getting too personal. It would be problematic for him. He would be concerned, keep thinking about it, and try to fix it.

He tries not to get too invasive even in his children’s lives. Joe feels that his brother told him what is going on to tell someone and for Joe to listen no to do something about it. Tim does things that Joe would not. Next month Tim is going skydiving. Joe does not feel this is something he would do. He tells me: “It is a perfectly good plane, why jump out of it? “This makes me laugh.

Joe describes himself as very frugal and very conservative. He does not like to do things that are not logical. He drinks alcohol but never to the level of not being able to function. He wants to know what is going on around him. He was always that guy even in the military, he was the guy who made sure everyone got home safely.

Joe does not like to do anything risky.

He does not judge but it is hard for him to even process why would somebody do stuff to themselves. He knows people have their reasons, still, he does not understand addiction, he does not understand why someone would do something to hurt themselves, why would they drink in access or why would they do drugs in access. Joe would be still there to help out. Another friend was on heroin, he would help him with money, food, clothes, needed a place to sleep he would help and let his friend sleep at his place.

He does not know what happened to him. He is wondering now if his friend is still alive or where he is. Now, that Joe thinks about it, he realizes he used to have a lot of friends who did drugs. He used to own a coin laundromat in the early 2000s and he met a lot of people there who did drugs and alcohol. So many people would come around and they would be the “town’s drunk or the town’s druggy”. He met a lot of people, they accepted him; he was not sure why he was always trying to do nice things for them without getting into their business. He never asked anybody why they are drinking or why they are doing drugs.

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This book is dedicated to the memory of

Bagóczky József my uncle who died at age 19 — alcohol-related car accident

and to everyone else who has been hurt or lost related to addiction

Many people had been supportive and inspiring to me so I could create this book. Both of my wonderful children told me, just write that book, mom. My mom. I could have not done this without all the stories provided and the encouragement love and caring from my family and friends, nurses, doctors, counselors, teachers, professors, friends who are dealing with addiction and staying sober; and children, wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers of people who are dealing with addiction currently. Thank you for speaking up, sharing your stories and life experiences. Thank you to all the people who read this book while in progress to provide feedback, ideas, and encouragement for me to continue writing. I would like to say special thanks to my friends and family for believing me and encouraging me to go on.

Front cover acrylic painting created by Andrea Mihaly October 2019

Our Society: Addiction and More Uncovered. Hear the voices of everyday people — a collection of stories and experiences.

Copyright @ 2020. 1st addition on Amazon KDP. 2nd addition Jan 2021 Barnes & Noble. By Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi. All rights reserved. Dancing Elephants Press.