THE INVESTIGATOR: Intense and Cerebral. Perceptive, innovative - secretive and isolated
Just give me a moment. I’ll understand within time. I’ll add each new token I discover from my quandary into carefully labeled collections that are organized safely in my mind. I’ll admit, this conundrum you’ve placed before me is quite the challenge, but everything in this world and beyond is meant to be understood at some point or another. Even me. One day, I’ll be able to identify every individual particle that defines my existence well enough to explain it to you in detail. I know it’s just a matter of time. So, I’ll take my time. I’ll listen to the sound of the wind along with my heartbeat as carefully as an intricate rhapsody, and I’ll learn how to create a melody of my own. If I can learn how this great environmental conglomerate functions together, then certainly I’ll be able to figure out my perfect place within it.
Wait. Just pause for a minute and let me comprehend this. I can’t stop thinking till I do. It’s invigorating, almost as if I’m hypnotized by every anomaly. I don’t want to miss a thing. I want to watch my hand run over every blade of grass as I contemplate every leaf on this tree. Faithfully, I’ll step back inside myself once again and sort through my lists of explanations and theories. I’ll carefully write down all my new findings and marvelous discoveries. When I’m done, I will present them all to you in a neatly organized theses as a subsidiary justification of who I am. So just wait. I’ll return when I’m able to set everything straight once again.
No, I wouldn’t dare call myself incompetent. Everything I do is in defiance to that absurd idea after all. All insecurity in life is merely a lack of inquiry and aptitude. I’ll find my place in this world even if I have to make one myself. I really don’t need a lot of room. I’d be perfectly content with this small yet comfortable niche of my very own. So, don’t stand so close to me like that. I want to walk on my own two feet or not at all. There would simply be no point in following along with your scripted mundane. I have this narrow but carefully protected list of who I am. It was meticulously recorded and created over years and years of study. These few simple things will create a secure me. I’m sure of it.
Though honestly, I’m not opposed to new thoughts. Everything should be questioned. Even me. I’ll welcome all your imaginative curiosities eagerly and equally. I’ll even ardently encourage the unorthodox or considerably visionary ideas. In an abundance of wonder, I’ll chase the unusual, the unprecedented, the magnificent, the obscure, the occult, the bizarre, the extraordinary. Somehow, I’ll think the unthinkable. I’ll set sail on the watery shores of the milky way, forever chasing the unknown until I can correctly connect all the dots shinning in the night sky and create the blueprint of existence.
But every now and again, I’m left feeling anxious while holding the jagged pieces that won’t fit comfortably in the labels I’ve sectioned off in my mind. It’s as if all my hypothesis were riddled with fallacies. I am convinced that there must be some great key hidden from my view, and that alone left me feeling uncomplacent. That in of itself is fine, for how monotonous would the world be if everything was already known? Still, it’s unsettling. It’s as though something vital is missing. Even during my excavation, I realize that there are many things quickly slipping from my hands; puzzle pieces too foreign for me grasp. Perhaps you were one of them. Perhaps your absence was an unfortunate result culminated from my tendency to live life more as a spectator rather than an actual participant. Still, that should be fine. Comprehension will equate experience. I choose to believe that.
So, just wait. Someday, I’ll find my perfect place in this world. I’ll find a way to stand comfortably by your side. I’ll discover a way to be at peace with your beautiful eunoia. You’ll see. This puzzle may be leaving my head in circles for now, but everything in the world is meant to be understood. Even you. As I put my world together piece by piece, I trust that I will find the answer I’ve been searching for all this time. I’ll find my own place in this vast and constantly shifting universe within time. And with luck, it will be right next to yours.
So just wait.
About the Creator
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One
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