Emetophobia

Emetophobia: Extreme fear of vomiting

I wouldn't wish this phobia on anyone.

At a young age I developed a phobia of throwing up. As a young kid, you can find it to be a pretty common thing that kids do. I can't remember a traumatic experience that I might have had when I was younger that would have caused this, all I know is that it drastically changed my life.

As I got older I thought that maybe, perhaps I would grow out of this phobia of vomiting. Here I am at 24 and I find myself self isolating anytime I even hear that someone around me may be sick. This, as you can tell would affect relationships and friendships that I had with people. It probably wouldnt have though, if I had told the people in my life what was really going on in my head. I thought it was so uncommon and strange to let something uncontrollable - control my whole life. I want to let people like me, know that the constant worrying that they have isn't weird or uncommon, and that you're not the only one.

Emetophobia can be caused by either a traumatic vomiting experience in your life, or simply nothing at all. It's commonly accociated with OCD, sharing similar characteristics. Common symptoms are, avoiding vomiting scenes on TV, obsessing over bathrooms, avoiding hospitals or people who are ill, avoiding foods or places that you have felt sick, self isolating in fear that you will catch a virus. It's also more common in women than men, and only 8% of the population actually have a diagnoses.

After I read more about it, I felt more at ease to know that there are other people living their lives thinking and feeling the same way that I am. I felt like I was struggling with something that other people wouldnt understand. Most people go out every weekend, get wasted, and throw up all night long. The thought of that is actually the reason why I don't drink that much. For me, I worry about certain foods I eat and restuarants. It's mainly meats for me that give me anxiety about eating. If i order a hamburger or steak from somewhere I have to cut it open and check to make sure its cooked enough. Even then I'm still uneasy about eating it. Another food that really worries me about eating is romaine lettuce. You're always hearing about people getting sick from romaine, so in my mind that will always be an evil food to me. I think the final food that I worry about eating is shrimp and most seafoods, which absolutely stinks because I am OBSESSED with crablegs. It just takes all of my willpower to suck it up and eat it. It worries sometimes though that it might make me develope an eating disorder, because there are so many factors into foodborne illnesses.

Another thing for me that I am SO picky about, is restaurants. If I hear that anybody got sick after eating at a specific restaurant, I will not be able to eat from there for a long time. If not ever again. It's like my brain files these small details away and doesn't ever forget, because I have caught myself many times pushing myself to go to these places to eat, and then right as I get my food I hear that little anxiety voice in my head saying "This food isn't safe, you shouldn't eat it" Then I have to obsessively inspect my food.

My biggest fear of all though, is sleeping. This phobia has absolutely ruined my sleep schedule for years of my life. I think personally, that most people usually get sick at night rather than during the day. Now I'm not sure about the actual science behind that, but thats what my brain has came up with to worry about. Every night when its time to go to sleep, I have to play on my phone or watch TV until I physically cannot keep my eyes open anymore. There isn't a night that goes by that I can just climb in bed and rest. I have to wait until I cant stay awake and worry anymore. I've gotten so used to this routine though, that even when I think my mind is distracted, I can't fall out of routine.

People fear a lot of different things. People also have it worse than others, for me though, mine controls my life heavily. It affects who I put myself around, my sleep schedule, what I eat, and where I eat. I hope that one day I get over this phobia of throwing up. Until then, all I can do is what causes my brain the least amount of anxious feelings. Hopefully there is someone out there with Emetophobia that is reading this and thinking "I'm not the only one".